here's the thing...

[taken at new brookland tavern]

i'm not "quitting" my blog, but i'm about to change some things around a bit. when i say "about to", that could mean in the next two days, or the next two weeks.

but i wanted to give everyone a heads up.

by now i thought you would have given up, but i think i like that you haven't

i've been having weird dreams lately. they actually just "started back", because i had them alot more a couple weeks ago, then last night i started having them again. they are undescribable. i've tried explaining it to different people, but i'm never really able to do them justice, because they are vast. and varied. and just awful and confusing.

in a nutshell, it's like i have these dreams that could or could not happen in the future and/or could have maybe happened in the past. then during the day, sometimes they happen. sometimes all of the memories of the dreams flood back into my mind...and it's overwhelming. it's not just events that are in my dream. voices. songs. images. everything. it's completely off-the-wall.

last night, i had several dreams, but the most notable one was one that seemed to be pre-apocalyptic or mid-apocalyptic. there were so many elements of the dream, i couldn't begin to list them. i don't even remember them all myself. but it was part thrilling and part terrifying.

that's it.

if everyone thinks that i have a psychological problem after saying all that, then, so be it. it's just been bothering me alot, and i don't know what's causing it all.


but it destroys my train of thought.


i wrote all of that in a rush, and i'm sort of fearful that any good reputation that i may have had for writing has now been thrown out to the dogs.

everything looks perfect from far away.

i'm having some trouble with life. it's nothing terribly important, yet it has become nearly impossible for me to get past. this another one of those "describing-the-situation-but-not-telling-you-what-it-is" sort of things. i'm sorry to do that so often.

i'm pretty tired. i'm weary from always having so much to do. i have a workload the size of Everest, and the more that i try to climb it, the further i seem to slip behind. my plans for diligently completing 3 classes this summer are slowly but steadily going up in smoke. work is, well, work. i get paid tomorrow, for which i am very glad. but that's not going to change anything. half of it will go into savings, and i really don't know what will become of the rest. i start teaching drum lessons tomorrow. i'm getting paid, but not a ridiculous sum. and then there's the things that i enjoy doing in my spare time: playing music, writing, taking photos, and such. i'm only able to involve myself in those things when i can find a little slot of time in my increasingly busy schedule.

maybe i'm overplaying things. i do that alot.



we should suspend ourselves between the stars.
we'd float above the passing cars.
and watch the sunrise from atop a cloud
and at the end of the day, we'd come back down

when expectations crumble like the berlin wall....

i'll be completely honest. my expectations for last night were pretty high. i won't say that i was overconfident, but i definitely felt like sunny blunder was practiced enough to put on a solid show. due to circumstances beyond and within our control, it didn't turn out to be solid as one might have hoped. but hopefully it wasn't a complete blow out, either.

thanks to all of you who came out! it was great seeing everyone, and i'm pretty sure we had one of the biggest crowds of any band there... which definitely helps sunny blunder's chances of being asked to play there again.

we got alot of positive feedback on our music, and plenty of sympathetic words concerning the death of troy's bass battery (which allowed me and andy to stall for 10 minutes playing the intro of our last song). all in all, however, the night left us with encouragement to seek more shows and the knowledge of how to improve ourselves once we get there.


thanks to all. last night was a fun night. i'll definitely let you know when we have another coming up! and hey - keep checking the site, because it's where plenty more info can be found, and plus, there's a message board. haha.


- steven

between blades of grass

i'm sitting in my backyard at the moment. oh, one of the many the joys of modern technology - wireless internet. i felt like a change. i'm tired of writing posts under the dull monotonous yellow glow of the light in my room. where is the inspiration in that? it's many times more gratifying to sit under the cloudless evening sky, to breathe fresh air, and to recieve inspiration from all sides. the sky, might i add, is the epitome of 'relax' tonight. it is the sort of blue that you wish your eyes could be (that is, if you indeed wanted blue eyes). but anyways, i'm sorry. i'm done ranting about my surroundings.

okay, not quite - the only downside i've noticed so far with posting outdoors is the fact that i'm currently suffering from temporary deafness in both ears due to the locamotive that has just clanked its way by my house, tooting all the while. if there were some better word than 'toot' to describe the sound it makes, i'd use it. but that will have to do. just know that when i say 'toot', it implies a sound that bursts the the strongest of eardrums on a regular basis.

last night my dreams were something to be noted. i dreamt about someone that i haven't talked to in quite sometime. the reason for dreaming of that person is lost on me, but, when i returned home and checked my email, there was a letter from them waiting for me. and since this morning, i've recieved two additional emails from them. i don't really...know. i can't really go into much detail about it, because, well, i just can't. but i wanted to share that oddity with all of you.

i had practice with sunny blunder today. parts of it were encouraging. other parts weren't. i'm mainly discouraged with myself. i either don't have good guitar parts for songs, or my effects don't cooperate, or my fingers don't play the right notes (which, i must say, is the most common scenario). i don't know. maybe sunny blunder deserves a better guitarist - someone who is more creative and solid and together. and i forgot about my keyboard part about 8 times today. i couldn't have felt any more unintelligent.

nonetheless, i'm still quite excited about this coming sunday. i'm not a seasoned performer, and i do get nervous, but i do enjoy performing. it thrills me.

i played tennis today, and enjoyed it immensely.


wow. i'm just looking up into the sky, and all of the blue swallows my vision. it's quite amazing. i only wish that i could venture to some place where there were no lights or trees or buildings to distract my eyes from the magnificent sky. skies are good things to look at. i need to do it much more often.



and i need to post out here more often, too.

another sunny blunder show!

Just thought I'd spread the word on another Sunny Blunder show that is coming up in the next week. We'll be playing a full-band set of 5-6 songs at the New Brookland Tavern in Columbia, South Carolina, on Sunday, June 19. NBT is hosting a "New Music Night", at which Sunny Blunder was invited to play. We'll probably be playing at about 9:00 PM.

Need more information? Talk to me, or visit www.sunnyblunder.com/ or www.newbrooklandtavern.com/

Admission is $3.00. We hope to see everyone out there! Remember, the more of a crowd that we draw to the show, the more chance we have of NBT asking us to play again. Bring your friends, family, and extended family.

the driest desert

if you were to fly an old jet over the vast golden plains of the Sahara desert during the hottest months of summer, then abruptly dump me and my computer out into the sand to fend for ourselves, i'd probably cry. but something else would happen; something much more interesting, probably. you'd be given an accurate image of where i am right now, with my computer in tow, of course - in the otherwise lush land of blogging. i'm in a desert.

translation: i've reached nearly a week (or more) of not posting anything of importance, and somehow, i'm okay with that. i apologize to the few of you who regularly check my page and are left disappointed when you see the same old post remaining and gathering dust.

something fresh is coming. i'm waiting for motivation.

directions to black cow

go here and you will find directions: http://sunnyblunder.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=4700#4700

rescheduled

I'm sorry to throw this on everyone at such short notice, but, the show that was previously planned to be at 8:00 PM tomorrow will actually take place at 9:00 PM or shortly thereafter. This rescheduling is due to another event that is happening at the same venue. Somehow the times got mixed up. Anyways, I hope that this doesn't impair anyones availability to come, and I hope to see you all out there!

[more details are in a previous post]

the sun still shines in the summertime...

be good to me

I've been thinking alot about life lately.

...After reading that, many of you may have already built these expectations being greeted by some great philosophical insight if you continue reading. I'm here to crush those insignificant expectations, only because I have absolutely no ground-breaking insights to present you with - I use violence to compensate for that, thus the crushing of your expectations.

Right, so moving on... I had practice with sunny blunder today. It went well. I'm excited about playing on Friday, but I still have quite alot of work to do with working on parts, etc. I do hope many of you will be able to make it - if not for the music, then at least the magnificent drinks and atmosphere at the Black Cow.

Starting tomorrow, my care-free summer schedule will be consumed like an unknowing rabbit is stalked by a starved Hungarian river fox (I enjoy giving my animals nationalities). I begin training for my employment at Bruster's tomorrow. I'll be getting paid for training, which is a tantalizing thought, but I have yet to fully memorize the numerous pages of information that they gave me several weeks ago. I hope that they decide to extend mercy to me.

jazz music relaxes me to the umpteenth degree.

my hair is growing slowly but surely.


[listening to: naima - john coltrane]
[mood: restless]

the time has come...

i'd like to personally invite all of you out to the Black Cow this Friday evening (the 3rd of June). Sunny Blunder will be playing an acoustic set at a time that is yet to be determined (probably 7-8ish). We're all pretty excited about getting to play, since it's been quite a while since we've been able to do so. We'd love to see anyone/everyone there who is able to make it. If you need directions, you can IM me on AOL at the screen name "jane can win", or check the website for more info.

Again, don't hesistate to IM me if you desire more information. I'm looking forward to seeing you there!

it's funny...

this summer is a funny thing. you see, at this point in my summer, i'd typically be overcome with a blissful sense of detachment knowing that I had no real responsibilities to tend to for the upcoming 2 or so months. no schedules, no plans, no commitments. just an unmapped road ahead - inviting me to embark on its uncharted trails. i don't feel that right now. in fact, i don't really feel like school has ended. sure, i don't have to go to class and endure tireless lecture and assignment, but that doesn't mean that i have nothing else unpleasant to do. i have 3 classes to finish this summer: US History, Government, and Consumer math. I wouldn't be concerned with that if those were my only worries over break. However, I have a job at Bruster's, and who knows what kind of hellish hours they are going to force me to work. Plus, I've been asked to teach drum lessons and to help in the orchestra for the play Joseph at the Community Theater. Of course, I'd get paid for these things (not the schoolwork). I'd get paid especially well for the theater production. But there is a fine line that separates the importance of getting rest during your summer vacation and making money. I haven't quite found it yet.

And there are these decisions that need to be made soon; decisions that I really can't decide. Not all of them are important, mind you. Some of them, maybe. But needless to say, they all must be made.

My brain isn't functioning to it's full potential, therefore, my creative output is equivalent to the singing abilities of a mute Iranian tree-ferret.

Tonight's post has ended. You may all return to your daily routine, unless reading my blog is part of your daily routine. And if that were the case, then I'd promptly give you a hug and a kiss and encourage you to continue to the next item on your schedule.

Thanks. Goodnight.

Yes, it's true - Anatomy is over!

peeking out at summer...

the Ups and Downs

Life is comprised of a series of valleys and peaks, for lack of better description. I'm in a valley, and have been for quite some time now, although alot of people don't realize it. I'm not really vocal about everything that goes on in my life. A part of that I'm okay with, but on the other hand, things get bottled up until one day (Today) you just can't really take it anymore.

I don't want to overplay things, because, well, I just don't really like doing that. I am in need of so much change in so many ways. I don't know where to begin.

I need to do my best for a change. Please pray for me.

sometimes i don't have a clue...

Let me start off by saying that I love Colin Gore. He has blessed me with an early birthday present which is a ticket to the midnight showing of Star Wars tomorrow evening, which officially kick-off my 17th birthday. It was incredibly generous of him to do such a thing, and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. But yes, I turn 17 on Thursday. This means several things.
1) I'll no longer be 16.
2) I'll recieve a full drivers license (no more of this being home before 8 o'clock nonsense)
3) I'll be merely one year from being 18
4) I'll be half way to 34
5) Um. I'll. Er. I'll be 17.

Hurray.

We dissected a fetal pig today in Anatomy. We do the same tomorrow and Thursday. I really hate it alot. I'd never make it in a medical profession.

One week from today, my problems will be over.

Academically, at least.

Putting the "Respect" back into respect

I will do my best not to name names during this post. I just desperately need to vent - I fear that if I don't, I may go mad. Again, I must make the usual plea and/or disclaimer of "Please don't interpret this the wrong way" because I'm only trying to release frustration that has been swelling up within me for the past 24 hours.


What on EARTH is going on with today's youth? Someone please explain to me how some children feel the need to display such effrontery to their superiors without showing even a hint of remorse? (I say "children" because I can't think of any other word that could better describe their behaviour) I've been subjected to such displays for far too long, but I'm afraid that if I tried to reprimand someone, I'd either 1) miscommunicate and end up losing a friend, or, 2) kill them. I don't want to do either. I just honestly don't understand how one could disregard adults, those in authority, with complete complacency.

I am especially sensitive to this within the classroom. When a teacher is teaching a class, pay a little blasted attention. They are giving of their time to give you a decent future. Don't throw it out the window - and if you do, don't spoil it for the rest of us and make teenagers look like chatty and immature toddlers who can't handle responsibility. Fail your class, if that' s really what you want to do - but please, do it quietly. Believe it or not, a handful of us in the classroom are there to learn, and provoking the teacher to the point of a near-heartattack doesn't exactly parallel the qualities that reflect a healthy learning environment.

I'm not saying that we need to be stone faced 24/7 while in class - because if that were the case, then I think I may shrivel up and die before I don the cap and gown. But there are some teachers (We all know who they are) who require a little bit more calmness in the classroom in order to maintain their sanity. I, for one, would like to save each one of these teachers from an early death and do my part in settling down.

I'm not going to whip out 50 Bible verses to support what I've said, because I think we all know what it boils down to. Respect your elders - they've been on this earth many moons longer than we have, and they deserve all of the respect that we have to offer. Submit to those in charge - God placed them where they are for a reason, and who would we be to question God's supreme judgement?

There may have been more that I had on my heart to say about this, but my headache is gone, which means my rant is drawing to a close. I may add more later, of course, only if I think of more to add.

On Saturday, I have a job interview (Yes, it's true). A Bruster's Ice Cream Shoppe is opening in Greenwood, and I would fancy being hired. I turned in my application today, and they called later in the afternoon scheduling the interview. Please pray for me as I ready myself, because chances are, I'll do something dumb, completely killing any chance of employment.

As far as my physical health goes, I feel like I'm becoming an obese buffalo, slowly roaming my way into extinction. I need to start running again. Every time I start, I do it for like a week, then things become far too busy, and I have to stop. Then a month passes and I resolve to start back.... and the cycle repeats.

The year is almost over, and I'm enthralled. But I have a bit of work that lies between myself and the final day, and I have no choice but to brave the elements, and march fearlessly forward into the hail-storm of last minute assignments and manic late-nights.

Tonight's edition has ended.

Is Chivalry Dead?

[disclaimer: i didn't proofread this. i'm sure that it will hop around quite a bit, and some parts not make complete sense, but it all sort of plopped out onto the page. i'm far too lazy to go back over and check for errors, i apologize. also, i'm not intending to condemn those around me and ignore the whale in my eye (or however you want to put it). this post applies to me, along with a pretty large percentage of the teenage male population of the world. it's something that has bothered me for quite awhile, and i doubt that i expressed my feelings to their full extent. if need be, more posts may come. but this is all for now.]


I've noticed a serious and unfortunate lack of gallantry in our society lately. Why? I'm sure several things could be blamed, however, I believe the root of the problem lies in the so-called "entertainment" that we are surrounded with constantly, which, in my opinion, revolves around the love of complete rubbish and foolery.

With nearly every male artist in the industry (namely those who have recently stormed the rap and r&b charts) ranting about "getting some", it should be to no surprise that the value that we place on women has been steadily declining. Don't let me give you the wrong impression, though, because the worst thing that could happen is this post coming across as an indie music follower paying his disrespects to the hip-hop scene. No, although most of you who know me know that I'm not the most "pimpin' gangsta' in the 'hood", the aim of this post wasn't to prove that. I'm only trying to point out the affect that hip-hop (and surely other genres) has had on our respect for the female population.

Following the disgusting example that some artists set before today's youth, too many "relationships" (if they are worthy to be considered as such) are entered and exited in the frightening span of sometimes only a few days. What good is this doing to teenagers? Minds are being made up that girl's feelings are as worthless as an old boot, and we boys have the permission to treat them to our liking. If we decide that we don't like one, we let them know in the least honest way as possible, then head back to the hunting grounds.

Whatever happened to being polite? Or saving "boy-talk" for when you're actually in the presence of boys? Too many times have I been a bystander of conversations where the subject-matter turned sour and the males continually toyed with perverse talk. Where on earth is the respect? I mean, seriously. What people in their right minds could possibly think that obscene humor around girls earns brownie-points? Too many. I may be fighting for a lost cause, but whether lost or not, it's certainly a cause worth fighting for.

So guys, I know it's hard, but how about holding the door open for your female friends more often? Try keeping your jokes clean when around the ladies (which should actually be done all the time, not just in the presence of women). Treat girls with all-around respect. Remember, they are someone's daughter, grand-daughter, niece, sister, and future wife. What level of respect would they have you give them? No family member wants their sister/daughter/whatever to be the brunt of some cheap joke, or to be subject to disrespect. Moreover and most importantly, all girls are the precious daughters of our Heavenly Father, who, I'm sure, could do far worse things to you for messing with them than their earthly fathers could (like wiping you from the face of the earth). God created woman to accompany man, not to be the slave of man, or to be some trophy whose purpose is solely for display. I'm not saying that every girl deserves her way every single moment of the day, but they could certainly use a little bit more love than they've been getting. Think about it.

this hasn't been my day

not to say that it should have, but today hasn't gone terribly well for me. i feel like i've disappointed people, acted contrary to who i really am, and been quite irresponsible. at the moment, i'd really like to find a deep hole to fall into. it might be better for the rest of society, or at least people that know me.

after what mr. johnson said last night, i've honestly been trying to analyze my motives, and the actions that result. unfortunately, any plan to somewhat improve the way i act backfired, and left me with nothing but a smoldering pile of good intentions gone wrong. before anyone says it, i'll say it first: i'm being tested. i know. and i'm not intentionally having a pity party or trying to reap free sympathy from those around me. i just need to release emotions. and in order to save my self from releasing my emotions in the form of jumping off of a tall building, or beating myself with a stick, i decided that writing was my best alternative. and what better place to do it than here?

in one sense, it's nice to be able to actually see trials placed in my life, and not blindly fumbling through hardship not knowing which way is up. because i've been there before. i'm reassured because i know that God isn't going to be leaving my side anytime soon, as long as I stay close to Him, and dwell in His word.

ad;fdsajf;ladsjfdslafjsdlk. i don't know what to say.



i made a 97 on my spanish test today, which was encouraging, seeing as i'm doing so incredibly poorly in that class that it's almost funny. i have an anatomy test tomorrow. i have no thoughts regarding it right now. AND a literature test tomorrow, as well. we'll see how things come together. oh, yes, i have a geometry test tomorrow too. yes.


good grief, i don't know what else to write. i could use any prayers. thank you.