Deuteronomy 6:25
And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness.

counting miles

i think that when i stopped posting for a short while, i fooled everyone that used to read this blog into thinking that i was never going to post again. because this is clearly a "post", that idea can be lay to rest. laid to rest. layed to rest. somebody help me out here. this blog isn't "dead", i just got tired of posting/writing/being consistent there for awhile. i'm not sure if the fact that i am now posting means that there has been a reversal of feelings, but it may very well mean that. we'll wait and see how things turn out.

i'm getting distracted by things. i can't finish this post.

listen to the ben kweller song "run". it's new, and i think that it is good.

it's getting colder

i woke up at about 8:45 this morning because i have alot of things to do today, one of which is finishing cutting my yard. it seems like i am cutting grass alot these days, and i'm not sure why that is. i don't really think that the grass in my yard grows faster than anyone elses, but maybe it does. i cut grass about once a week, and we have a gigantic yard. it takes awhile. i'm lazy so it usually takes two days. i could probably do it in one.

after i woke up this morning, i ate breakfast, and sort of sat around for about an hour. and then i walked outside to move some lawn furniture so that i could cut the grass. when i stepped outside, i realized that the temperature is definitely changing. it certainly isn't "cold" yet, but i'm sure it would constitute as "chilly", at least. in the philippines, we'd probably consider it cold. there is a place in the philippines called "Baguio" that my family would go around Christmas time. Baguio is in the mountains and usually is colder than the temperature in the city. it made us feel more "at home" (home in the United States, that is) having Christmas in cold weather, because that's what we had become used to. but after living there for so long, it's hard to know which place to call home - if i'm allowed to, i'll just call both home. anyways, the point i was getting to was that Baguio wasn't really that cold. i think it may have gotten down to the 60s on good nights. but i'm not even sure if it got that low. i always thought it was going to snow.

i'm actually sitting outside as we speak, thanks to the miracle of wireless internet. it's actually quite relaxing. it would be moreso if my psychotic three-legged dog wasn't rolling around like a lunatic at my feet.

well, i'm going to finish moving things in the yard so i can go ahead and begin to cut.

have a happy tuesday.

this was our entrance; now it's our exit

Sometimes I'm not sure that I really know what I'm doing with my life. I just want to be sure that my plans are lining up with God's will. It's not that anything has happened lately to make me think otherwise, but sometimes I just wonder. And I suppose that this "wondering" that I do is simply a mechanism of my human nature. So I usually try to shrug it off, telling myself that "it's natural". And I think that it is.

I am actually more excited that I thought I'd be to just get on with things. While I am enjoying the ministry that I am involved with right now, and by no means do I feel like I am wasting my time, I kind of want to just go ahead and dive into college. But I truly feel drawn to spend January-May with my old class in Manila. Which I am very very highly anticipating.

I'm sleepy.

somewhere a clock is ticking...

I journeyed along with a few friends into downtown Atlanta last night to see Augustana and Snow Patrol perform at the Tabernacle. I believe that this was my third show to attend at the Tabernacle. I enjoyed it alot. The performances were very good - despite some technical issues beyond the band's control during Snow Patrol's set (the malfunctions didn't take away from my enjoyment of the music whatsoever). I have a new appreciation for Snow Patrol. It isn't that I didn't appreciate them before last night, but I think sometimes (for me at least) it takes a live performance to really open up my eyes to a band's music. I like alot more of their first cd now.

I'm about to head out to the prayer house, but I wanted to post something about last night before I lose all initiative to do so. So there you have it.

Oh, also - Come and hear Kelley McCravy and Y/our Sparkle Heart play tomorrow night at the Black Cow. I'm not absolutely positive what time it starts, but if you're planning on coming, let me know, and I'll give you the time.


have a terrific thursday night.

panicbox

I have a good friend named Gerry whom I have known since I was but a tot swinging from coconut trees in the Philippines. Gerry is Chinese and Canadian, and she's a remarkable artist.

And great with web design.



Above is a sample of one of her vectors.

Visit http://panicbox.net/ for her full portfolio.

Enjoy!

the sun will rise

right now i'm hunkered down in a waiting area inside the Greenville airport, making use of the free wireless internet, awaiting my departure time. tragically, my flight to Nashville today was cancelled (I was originally supposed to fly out at 7:25). Now I'm leaving at like 10:30. It's 6:10 now. Hoorah. I woke up this morning at 3:20, so I'm a little sleepy. For some reason, instead of going through Atlanta as I was originally meant to do, I am now going through Cincinatti. Don't ask me why. I'm puzzled, but the whole airline system is a pretty puzzling thing.

so i'm listening to music and finding ways to pass the time. I should have brought a portable croquet set. The terminal would be a perfect spot to play.

anyways, i'll be in nashville until sunday visiting a friend along with belmont college. i have a tour this afternoon at 2, and i meet with admissions people at 3. i'm pretty excited about seeing the campus and talking to some people. i'll eventually post about trip.

well, i've run out of things to say, so that's all for now.

hope everyone has a smashing friday morning.

shoo!

first and foremost, happy monday to all. i hope everyone's week has gotten off on the right foot. or something. mine has, i suppose. and i only "suppose" because i don't know how it could have started any better - which i guess can be both good and bad. all is well.

i went for a jog this afternoon after work. the combined heat and humidity made me feel like i was running through the sahara desert on ice skates. i ran as far as my legs (and rest of my body, for that matter) would allow me, and then i stopped. i didn't want to over do it - i haven't ran consistently in like 5 months. maybe more. maybe less. but it has been awhile. i hope to run 3 days a week if i can. i usually break my goal after the first day, but i'm going to try my best to follow through...

speaking of work - things are going pretty well. i've been working anywhere between 40 and 50 hours a week, and often times, saturday is included in that count. which is sad. but it makes my wallet happy (heh.....). i find the most discouraging part of my job is having shards of aluminum shoot from the sawblade towards my body. the pain that these shards inflict are the equivalent (if not moreso) to the sting of a 2 pound hornet. i usually try to step away from the saw if i'm sawing something that i know sends of lots of debris, but today it seemed that i forgot. alot. the favored target of the afternoon was my neck. needless to say, i'm learning my lesson quickly.

another lesson i'm learning is that i'm not cut out to work in a place like Cooper. i don't know if it is a matter of me not being man enough or what. if nothing else, working at Cooper for these few months is giving me incentive to go to college. yahoo.

nowww, speaking of college. i was recently (a few months ago) reminded by a friend of a college in Nashville called Belmont, which has a flourishing music scene and strong programs of study involving music and such. I had known about the school before. I'm just not sure why I never gave it a second glance. I checked their website, and as it turns out, it has a Music Business degree, which is something that i have sort of had my eye out for. I'm planning on visiting a friend who lives in Nashville (and is also considering Belmont) next month to take a look around. I'll keep you posted.

whewwf. well. i think i'm done for now. if anything comes to mind, i'll be back. maybe.

- Steven

take care

Me oh my.

It has been quite a week, and it's not even over yet. If I had a tail at the beginning of this week, I would no longer have it, because I would have certainly worked it off. I've been working like a maniac. But it's all good. the weekend is getting closer with every second. hoorah.

So. I thought I had something to post about. but i really don't. maybe i'll remember later on or something.

oh yeah - Amanda gets home on Monday! yessss. good times are a'comin. and for anyone who didn't know, she has been in Brazil for the past two weeks, and has been missed dearly by... well... pretty much everyone.


and that's all i have for right now. more later.

manly man

i startled myself when i got home from work the other day and looked in the mirror. the reflection that i saw was of a dirty, dusty working man, wielding a tape measure, work gloves, and safety glasses. i went to Cooper at 7 o'clock on thursday (last thursday) morning not knowing what to expect. since that morning, i have been drained of a whole lot of energy. but all is well, and i'm finally actually making money. the last time i had a steady job was when i wore red visors and scooped overpriced ice-cream.

on thursday i worked from 7am-3:30pm.
on friday i worked from 5am-1pm.
on saturday i worked from 5am-1pm.
yesterday (monday), i worked from 7am-5:30pm
and today, i worked from 7am-5:30pm again.

i was filled with the urge to display my work schedule so far, just so that you (loved audience) can get a general impression of how things have been this past week.

i am a saw man. i saw aluminum, galvanized and stainless steel, fiberglass, and whatever else the world throws my way. the basic scheme is that i am given stacks upon stacks of work orders. these work orders have diagrams and such telling the kind and quantity of material i need, what length to cut, and how many cuts to make. i do this all day long.

one of the trickiest parts of this process is obtaining the material. i'm working in a gigantic warehouse/factory, and there are gigantic aluminum beams and tubing lining the wall behind me. there is also a gigantic crane that moves back and forth overhead from one point of the warehouse to another. this crane is attached to the ceiling, and there is a remote that hangs from it (in case you were wondering). to gather material, one must tie a strap to the middle of a giant bulk of aluminum (or whatever) and then operate the crane so that it is nearly directly over the strap. i noticed a resemblance to the 'crane game' that can be found in arcades, but on a much larger and more dangerous scale. the hook of the crane is then strapped to the material, and the operator must be sure that it is balanced, then try to guide it to it's desired destination. it isn't as easy as it sounds. in fact, it is quite frightening. it's just so big.

anyways. next monday, i'm supposed to be starting second shift. second shift is from 3:30 until midnight. from then on out, my social life will be in shambles. ho-hum. i need money more than a social life right now, anyways. i guess.

a tidal wave of fatigue has just washed over me. or crashed on top of me. or something. so i'm going to leave this computer screen before i have a seizure.


love, steven


ps. i haven't shaved in a week. lumberjack holmes!

carefree days are over

I just recieved a call from Executive Services. I start work at Cooper Power tomorrow at 7 o'clock.



Whew.

....

i have alot on my chest. it has started to feel like my own thoughts are drowning me in my head, so i figured that my best bet to rid myself of that feeling would be to unload all of my thoughts here, like i always do...

I'm not sure what it was. I was just overcome with a strange combination of nostalgia and conviction and a dash of insight all at the same time. I think that this feeling was birthed as a result of a conversation I had with a few friends earlier this evening and also reading over some old emails a few minutes ago. Sometimes I feel like this generation is losing touch with the meaning of 'integrity'. We've forgotten what it means to "stay as far from the line as possible" rather than "let's see how close we can get". Of course, as you move closer to the line, the line seems to slowly moves further away, then before you know it, you've crossed the original line that you said that you'd never cross. It's a simple concept, I just have trouble conveying things in simple terms.

I'm aware of the fact that people have their own interpretations of the law and what the Bible says and what is right and wrong. Sometimes it's difficult for me to see how some issues aren't just black and white. Because some certainly are in my mind. I suppose that I can only really go by the truth that I have found to be true in scripture and stick to that. God's Word is infallible. I just have to understand that my convictions can't be everyone else's convictions. My convictions are my convictions. And all of that is in God's department.

If anyone wants to contribute any words of wisdom, please do so.

the job search

i've come to the conclusion that the time has come that i need to begin searching for a job. i have been postponing the inevitable for quite awhile, but as graduation money dwindles, i need a new source of income. i plan to put in my application at executive services in the next couple of days. definitely before the end of the week.

today i have begun to conquer the beast that is my room. i have an unbelievable amount of junk, and it has amassed over the last semester of school and these first couple weeks of summer. and now i have mount everest in the form of clothes, old notebooks, papers, and random objects looking down at me from on high in the middle of my room. it's time to send in reinforcements.

i now wonder why, with all of the tasks left unaccomplished in my life, i decided to post something. that question will remain unanswered.

criminal offenses

About a month (or so) ago, I received my first ever speeding violation. I was driving home from a performance which took place in Columbia. It was a little past 1:00 in the morning, and I was alone. As a was driving along a dark country road outside of Newberry, I noticed a pair of unmistakable flashing lights behind me. My heart wept.

Originally, my ticket was for $180 and 4 points were to be taken from my license. Today I drove to the courtroom in Newberry, and the ticket was knocked down to $76 and 2 points were taken off. I've learned my lesson. I hope. For now.



more later maybe.

every intention fell to the floor

What happens when what we are "practicing" doesn't exactly line up with the things we are "preaching"? I've been convicted of this felony. I am so quick to speak with the tongue of a saint, while I perform the actions of a rotten sinner with such ease. Indeed, I am a sinner. It is solely by God's grace that I am washed white by the redeeming blood of Christ. I am genuinely ashamed that I have taken my salvation so lightly.

I was thinking earlier today about how important it was for me to sincerely strive to practice what I preach. By no means have I attempted to embark on a quest for perfection, for such is unattainable. However, there are painstakingly obvious areas of my life in which I have been a miserable failure. And I am without excuse. God has offered me His strength, yet I depend on my own. God offers me peace, yet I create chaos for myself.

How would I respond if I were approached by a thief who exhorted me to never steal? I wouldn't respond. His words would be useless to me. Why would I heed the warnings of a beggar who has thrown away his fortune?

And why would anyone around me heed my warnings of certain pitfalls in their life while I am daily diving headfirst into them in my own life?

There's so much for my little mind to digest.

two to one

well. it's all done. graduation has come and gone. and i survived. for some reason completely unknown to me, i felt really uncomfortable after the actual graduation program (commencement?). everyone went to the recessional to eat cake and take pictures. and i sort of felt like i was lost. i don't know. everyone seemed to have these strong bonds with everyone else, which is good. i just couldn't find any bonds of my own - hence the being lost feeling. anywho. i'm utterly thrilled to be out of high-school. but i honestly feel like there's a storm on my horizon. and as much as i'd like to believe that i can just ignore it, i'm pretty sure i'm going to end up in the middle.

God keeps on surprising me in the ways that He teaches me things. Like, I keep on noticing these little areas in life that I struggle with. Then I realize the manner in which He is growing me in that area and making me stronger and more equipped for life. It's a hard thing to really put words to. that's why i won't try to go any further.

actually, it's 1:16 AM (morning) and it has been a long and trying day. i think i'm going to dive into my bed and sleep for a few hours.

happy graduation, class of 2006.

"Today's Mercies for Today's Troubles"

"Sometimes we wonder if we will have the mercy to stand in terrible testing. Yes, we will. Peter says, 'If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you' (1 Peter 4:14). When the reviling comes, the Spirit of glory comes. It happened for Stephen as he was being stoned (Acts 7:55-60). It will happen for you. When the Spirit and glory are needed, they will come."

The latter was an excerpt from "A Godward Life", by John Piper. I recieved this book on my birthday (the 19th) from a family who I respect a great deal. Although life for me has been pretty full with finishing the school year, preparing for graduation, and trying to complete reading Blue Like Jazz, this book has already managed to bless me.

The past two years have been filled with considerable times of pain and change in my life, and in the life of my family as a whole. I departed indefinitely from the place I was chiefly raised in (the Philippines). I have learned more about God's grace in 24 months than I have ever learned in 18 years of life. I lost my grandfather, a man I admired and loved and who I aspire to be like as I grow older. I will be graduating from high-school in less than a week. God has been merciful through every bit of it. In all things He has revealed small glimpses of His glory, and how I simply am unable to do anything at all without Him.

"If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you"

The question lingers in my mind: Who am I being reviled for? Am I earnestly and honestly seeking to please God? Or am I half-heartedly stumbling through life, treating God's mercy more as a free ticket to Glory rather than a divine sacrifice from a Heavenly Father?

There is way too much on my mind to write anything else on this topic. There will probably be more later.

__________________________________________

Tomorrow is my last exam. Ever. At least of my high-school career. I have to be at school at 8:00 to take a comprehensive Algebra II exam. Once I finish, I will be free to fly flappingly from the hallways of GCS and into the wild blue yonder. Almost. I still will need to report for duty on Wednesday morning to take care of some last-minute legalities. Graduation is Saturday at Grace Community Church (On Woodlawn Road). Come one, come all.

According to FedEx, a MacBook with my name on it is currently venturing its way from Anchorage, Alaska, down to my eager little paws here in South Carolina. It should be arriving Thursday afternoon. Everyone is welcome to drop by and help me celebrate.

My head is spinning from too much thinking. Or maybe from gazing into the computer monitor for too long. I've wasted much time on here this afternoon - mostly here playing a game called "Anagrammatic". I'm hooked.

First of all, the MacBook has arrived.













Hip hip hooray for Intel processors and build-in iSight cameras.

_________________________________

Second of all, I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what has happened to the world, but everything seems to be on the fast track towards a giant garbage disposal. It is almost as in the past two or three weeks there has been a climax of "bad" things happening, and sooner or later, I feel like everyone and everything is just going to explode.

Pray for peace.

under the weather

Since about noon today, I've had a sore throat. I'm not a huge fan of sore throats; I always feel like I'm suffocating. I hate to swallow, because when I do, it feels as though hot embers are being shoveled into my esophagus. Since noon, I've acquired a mild headache and a bit of warmth (not sure if it will reach a feverish point or not). Needless to say, there's nothing I want more than a tall glass of ice water and a comfy bed. And maybe a couple pain-killers.

Graduation is approaching swiftly, however, not swiftly enough for me. Pray that I'm able to endure. It's going to be close.

I've been patiently waiting for the rumored release of Apple's new MacBook. It is apparently the replacement for the current iBook - I've heard that it will run on an Intel processor, which will be a pleasant alternative the G4 PowerPC processor that they are known for functioning on. There was a rumor that it was going to be released on May 9th, but seeing as it is now May 10th, that rumor has been lay to rest. The two dates that are currently being ridden are next Tuesday, the 16th, or the 19th. Which is also my birthday. That would be splendid.


I'm weary.

[listening to: jack's mannequin]
[mood: sickly}

and today was a day just like any other

it was you i was thinking of