the Dental Hygienist from the Pit of Doom

For most of you who know me, you should know that I've never enjoyed visiting the dentist. Now that I have braces, these dismal pilgrimages occur once every month. Typically, my "cleaning" and "wire-changing" dates are scheduled on separate dates, so that I don't get overwhelmed. As luck would have it, this month the two fell upon the same dark day.

Imagine being chained to a cold stone wall, deep in the dungeon of some French prison tower. Now imagine having your mouth pried open by a grubby block of wood and having little needles poked into your gums. Repeatedly poked. And now imagine having a repulsive paste scrubbed onto your teeth - it honestly felt like I was being force fed a bucket of sand - and the little grains were becoming permanently lodged between my bicuspids. I felt no improvement in the cleanliness of my mouth - in fact, I felt confident that they may have been using a reverse psychology method. Now that they've made my mouth dirtier than it has ever been, when I next brush my teeth, I'll feel like a new man through and through.

It makes me wonder about all of the people who rant and rave about how much they loooove the dentist. I mean, how much different could it possibly be? Fine, I'll admit it. My teeth are cleaner. And I'm grateful for that fact. However, I never crave the sensation of a metal pick scratching away inside of my mouth. Give me a toothbrush, a pack of floss, and a bottle of mouthwash, and I'm a happy man.

Okay, I'm done.

the arrival

i have broken free of the bonds of dial-up connection and have jumped headfirst into, once again, the world of dsl. i am a happy, happy boy.

oh, and this bright pilgrimage has a myspace now! click and add us as a friend, por favor.

that's all!





(one month. yess.)

five years from where i am right now

i've never felt so much fear and anticipation coming at me at one time as i have felt lately. the mere fact that i really don't know where i'll be in five years is, in itself, pretty scary. but, when i think of where i could be, i feel less afraid about the future and a little bit more excited.

so you, my small yet faithful audience, are surely wondering: where could you be in five years? or much less, two years?

i could be alot of places. i have alot of interests, and in turn, i feel like i have 15 different callings on my life. i used to always tell myself that i'd like to get into an avenue of writing - journalism and the like - or producing/performing music.

sometime during the past year, another possibility was hatched in my mind: ministry. after growing up on the mission field, i always shunned the prospect of returning to a form of overseas missions, if only for the pathetic reason that i had grown up overseas and wanted to spend my adult life in the united states. yes. a pathetic reason.

however, what it all really comes down to is finding the area that God is drawing me to, and pursuing that area in the best way that I can to bring Him as much glory as I can. the hardest part for me is waiting.

i'm definitely not just wallowing in a fog of confusion, though. there are alot of areas of my life that i'm quite sure about. God has been drawing blueprints for my future, and has been gradually revealing more and more of His plan to me. and the more that He shows to me, the more I realize how perfectly He makes things work.

and maybe one day i'll reveal some of these things to the general public, but for now, i'll keep them to myself.

[listening to: different names for the same thing - death cab for cutie]

[mood: so incredibly sleeeeeepyy]

the freeway in the sky

a very tragic thing happened during this past week. as i was driving home from honea path, my dear automobile broke down. ordinarily, this would be a somewhat typical occurence. however, the smoke billowing from the hood of my car began to worry me (along with the fact that my engine coolant was boiling). i openly admit to the world that i am no mechanic. i hope i don't disappoint my future wife when she discovers that i can't heal cars like some guys my age can - maybe i should begin educating myself.

with the aid of my dear sister and brother-in-law, we cooled the car down some and we were able to crank it (it wasn't as easy as it may sound. it took a while to do). i hurriedly drove to timothy stumbo's house and parked it there. it was later towed to an auto place (Crider, across from Bruster's) where the assessed the damage. i soon found out that the car couldn't be repaired, and that it would never be driven again. don't get me wrong - a car is a car, and it would be a little bit creepy if i were to get really really sad about this. but seeing as this was my first car ever, i definitely have some sentimental attachment to it. i cleaned out all of my belongings from it and surrendered it to be towed to the junkyard.

and that's that.

i was thinking today, and realized that it will only be a little over 2 months before i graduate. craaaazy. aaand, each month before i graduate, i have something to look forward to. in the month of march, i'll be meeting up with one of my best friends in the world, Nathan Quinley, who I have known since elementary school in the Philippines. I'll be traveling with him to north carolina to play for a worship conference. i'm quite excited. and during the month of april, i'll be lucky enough to go see death cab for cutie play in atlanta, georgia. that will be another "lifetime goal" to be checked off my list.


and life has been pretty wonderful lately.

i was at peace with the world

i had grand plans for this morning. i was to wake up early (which I did), get ready for school quickly (which i also did), and do some homework from the day before. whenever i awoke at 6:30, i glanced over my homework and realized that i had finished what was assigned, and i had woken up reaaaallly early for no reason. however, i was wide awake, so i continued with my "getting ready" ritual. at about 7:20 (when i usually get my shower), i left my house, plugging along in my faithful buick lesabre, not knowing exactly where i was going. it was faaar to early to go to school - as i passed the parking lot, i noticed that it was completely empty, so i continued driving. i had so much time on my hands.

as i kept driving (in no particular direction), i noticed the sky. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it was one of the prettiest sunrises i've ever seen, because i've seen some sunrises that would knock you off of your feet (really). i don't even know if it would make my Top 8 Sunrises. but there was something about it that just made me feel so reassured of God's direction in my life. and so i kept driving in the direction of the sunset. i let it fill up my windshield. at one point, i parked and just sat looking at it. i've never felt more encouraged about the direction i'm heading, just because i know that God is leading me there.

somehow, this managed to be one of the best morning's of my year. in fact, this has probably been the best month of my year. probably.

i started reading through first corinthians the other night. i've always had an awfully hard time being faithful to reading the Bible nightly. i either simply forget, or get in bed too late to even bother. for some reason, it has been different for the past couple of days. despite how late i've been getting in bed, or how much my mind isn't geared towards reading the Bible whatsoever, God always reminds me. He even pushes me. last night, I plopped into bed, turned off the lights, and closed my eyes. as I was drifting into a dream, one thought popped into my head. "Bible". i won't pretend that I smiled, flipped on the lights, hopped out of bed, and began reading cheerfully. I was so comfortably nestled within my blankets and pillows, I had no desire to move - but I did. I turned on my lamp and lay in bed and read 1 Corinthians 4. and it didn't take away from my rest. I slept deeply and woke up immediately when my alarm clock went off (earlier than I ever set it. ever)

anyhow. most of this post is irrelevant. but i needed to write something.
now i'm off to do homework and to get ready to go to Columbia for band practice. yes.



[listen to: "shattered" - remy zero]

show!

next weekend, on friday the 24th, the fish factory here in greenwood is hosting the first annual JNP Show. there will be several bands playing, including Sunny Blunder, This Bright Pilgrimage, and the Springdales.

it's going to begin at around 7:32, so don't be late. i hope to see everyone there :)

what to do

i went and ate lunch at amanda's house this afternoon, and watched the second "Lost" disc. or at least most of it. she and lauren had to leave before the last episode finished, so we decided to finish it later. both of them, along with tim, J.R. and nina, left at about 4:30 today to go to Atlanta to hear Cary Brothers and the Fray play. i'm too young to do things like that. so i'm here at home, feeling rather down-in-the-dumps, so to speak.

i was thinking about going to the boy's game in Clinton tonight, but Justin and Anna are also coming in tonight from their honeymoon, so I'd kind of like to be around to see them. so, i suppose i'll just be around here.

i've been writing alot of music lately. which is good. i'm planning finishing several of them and recording them in the next few weeks. i hope. i always seem to get behind in that area, and i just keep putting it off. but then again, it's not like i don't have anything else to do with my time, because i definitely do.

God has been strengthening me alot lately through trials and the like. it seems that the more struggle that one is faced with, there is more opportunity for growth. my mindset about alot of things is pretty naive, i suppose, which explains how i've struggled with certain things lately.

weeeelllll. i'm going to end this before i make this post too exciting. haha. i hope everyone has a fantastic day.

we're sleeping in a cloud

lately, i feel like i've been being "tested" in lots of different ways. in some cases, it's the kind of thing where you tell yourself, "surely, it wouldn't get any worse than this". then somehow, it does. however, in the midst of the chaos that has become my life, i have been able to find peace in God's will and the fact that He's leading me where He wants me to go. it just gets so hard sometimes.

and then there are other parts of my life where I feel that I've been given way more than I deserve. and I know that I have. I just hope I don't waste what I've been given.

there goes my hero

here i sit. it's 11:53 PM on a friday night. i'm exhausted, but i know that if i were to go to my bed and try to sleep, i'd toss and turn. in the past week, my family's life has been flipped upside down. and God's faithfulness has been more evident than ever before. there are times when i really just want to sit down and cry - and to be honest, there have been times that i have. other times, i just want to stand on a box in the middle of the street, and yell to the world, "Stop!". Doesn't anyone realize what has happened? It seems like everyone should pause with what they are doing, and just be quiet for awhile. No - life goes on. And sometimes, the only way to move on, is to do it while holding the hand of God.

In the past couple of months, my grandfather's health has quickly gone downhill. He hadn't been to a hospital (besides normal checkups) since 1942. In other words, he was the picture of good health. He exercised daily, read books, kept a garden, painted, and cooked - just to name a few. My grandpa also served in World War II, and was stationed in places like Japan, the Philippines, and New Guinea. He was the best son, father, brother, and grandfather anyone could ask for. He was my hero.

A few months ago, my grandpa went in to the hospital to have a heart catherization done. Technically, I'm not sure what all that involves, but I felt confident that it wouldn't be a big deal, and he'd be out of the hospital in a few days. A couple of nights after he left the hospital, he developed a sudden blood clot in his leg, and had to be rushed to the emergency room. While there, the doctors discovered some abnormalities with his heart, which we had known about, but weren't aware of how the problem had progressed. My grandma and grandpa moved into our home, and lived with us - we felt that it would be safer this way, so that we could all be close together.

The time that I have been able to spend with my grandpa over the last several weeks have been priceless. A relative so rightly stated, "When Paul wrote Galatians 5 (The Fruits of the Spirit), he had Wallace in mind". Grandpa cared so much for others, and so little for himself. I'm so proud to be named after him. Maybe someday, I'll live up to even just a little bit of the legacy that my grandpa has left behind.

One week ago today, my grandpa had a cardiac arrest. He stopped breathing for a short period of time, but my mom was able to revive him until the paramedics arrived. He was placed in CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) and kept on a ventilator, to assist his breathing. We made the decision to take him off of the ventilator, according to his wishes - and he began to breathe on his own, but with much effort.

He was moved to the Hospice Care Center early this week, which is where he stayed until yesterday evening. At about 5:50 PM, my grandpa, Cleve Wallace Holmes, went to be with the Lord. This has been the hardest loss I have ever experienced - nothing compares to the hurt I feel inside after losing him. I count myself blessed, though, to have been able to maintain a close relationship with him, and to be able to have spent such precious time with him before he died.

Only 10 minutes before he died, I was able to play guitar for my grandpa one last time. I don't know if he could hear me or not - and I don't know if I ever will. But I'd like to think that he did hear, and that the music that I played was able to usher him into the Lord's arms. It meant alot to me - God's timing is absolutely perfect.

I appreciate everyone who has been there for my family and myself over the past few days. Your friendships are invaluable to us. I'm resting in the peace that God has given me in the fact that my grandpa is now healed, and is fellowshiping with his Creator in paradise - and will do so for eternity.

fragile masks of faith

If you were to approach an average brother or sister in Christ and ask of them "Do you have faith in God?", how do you believe they would respond? Aside from the initial confusion that they may show due to your boldness, I believe they would say something like this: "Well, sure I do. I mean, I'm a Christian. I try to trust God in everything that I do."

Many Christians glide through life clinging to a faith in God that is paperthin. "Everything I do", the activity noted by the fictional Christian above, consists of, well, the usual. You know, going to school, going to church, enduring the occasional spat with peers. Maybe a little bit of suffering, every now and then. We trust God in areas like our schoolwork, our grades, and whatever other concerns that may arise in our everyday lives, which by no means is the wrong thing to do. However, how much trust is really involved in those avenues of life? My question is: when do we really trust? I believe that our faith, as Christians, can only be adequately confirmed when we are faced with suffering that requires a dependence on something besides our own strength. It is then when our true loyalties are revealed, and whether or not we are willing to place our best interests in the hands of our Heavenly Father.

I don't aim to condemn Christians who are wearing their faith like fragile masks. Because if that were my goal, then I'd really be condemning myself. I only mean to challenge those who are in need inspiration, and to encourage those who are in the grip of discouragement. For if our faith lies in anything besides the power of God, then we are ill-equipped to withstand the flames that we will be faced with.

In the book of Romans 5:3-4, it says this: "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation". What is God's purpose in suffering? It is to make us stronger - to fortify the stronghold that He is building in our hearts. It serves as preparation for what ever else we may face in life. However, we can walk in confidence knowing that Christ has prepared us a way in life - one that may not be easy - but has been divinely planned.

Don't cash in your hope in Christ for the stale, temporary hope found in this world. I'd advise everyone to read the first part of Romans 5 (not just the verse that i cited). Don't let your faith become weak because it isn't in use. If you aren't facing hardship, pray for those who are. However, be prepared to lean on God whenever trials emerge - for He is the only foundation that will be left standing when the dust settles.

breaking like a window

i decided to post something before even knowing what i'd post. and i began this paragraph not knowing exactly what it would contain. i seem to have a knack for restating things. i come up with creative little similes and metaphors to describe life, and in each post, i come up with a new one, just so i don't feel like i'm saying the same thing over and over (which i really do), and so that my faithful readers don't get bored (most of you probably already are).

i like similes and metaphors, i guess. so that's why i use them so much.

i've eaten two meals in the past two days. i feel so sick. and so not-hungry. i don't know what's going on. on second thought, i actually have a pretty good idea, but i dare not try to type about it for fear of feeling worse. bleh.

i've been somewhat infatuated with a certain album lately. this album is entitled "how the lonely keep", by terminal. i'm usually not too crazy about harder music, but terminal happens to be an exception. the music is well thought out, along with the lyrics. and it's just rockin'. give "foster", "dark", or "wisher" a listen. or the whole album.

the last 4 "paragraphs" have begun with 'i'. i am humiliated to be so self-centered. despite my intentions to live with others in mind, it's obvious that i'm failing, because my mind seems to flip around and focus on myself more often than not. i wish changing was easier.

if i were the sort of person who is able to make new year's resolutions and keep them, i'd resolve to do the following:

• be genuine
• put the interests of others above my own
• pray earnestly
• work diligently

the list actually goes on a lot longer than that. but those are some that i've been thinking about alot recently.

i might write more later.

the final semester

in two days, i will begin my final semester of high school. the reality of that statement still hasn't completely hit me, i don't think. but it's a crazy thought. and i feel much more inclined to work my tail off this semester moreso than any other, just because this is the last one.

and boy, it will be quite a semester. i'm taking chemistry and algebra II from GCS. both of those classes are considerably challenging - chemistry more than algebra, i believe. i am also taking english 101 and computer from piedmont tech. and government independently. i have a hard road ahead of me. feel free to send me notes, balloons, and cash donations.

today is a rainy day, which is nice, until you have to do things outdoors. then it sort of spoils everything. but i'm thinking that the rain won't last forever, so that's okay.

i was thinking about going to see 'memoirs of a geisha' tonight. i've heard that it was good, and it looks good. but i don't think i'm going to. maybe another night. but annyyyways.

i was in greenville last week (at the mall) and locked my keys in my car. it was incredibly humiliating, and i really hope that i never do it again - but i know i will. i just need to get one of those spare key holders that you can hide underneath your car. then i'll always be prepared.

hmm. i thought that i had more to write, but apparently i don't.

so maybe more later.

when there's nothing left to burn...

Life has been moving swimmingly as of late. Lots of things have been going on, and for most of these "things", I have just been going through the motions to get by. I recognize that this isn't a good habit to develop, and I hope to reconcile these mistakes somehow soon. But things have been good.

I find my thoughts wandering every now and then. I think alot about the future, whether it be things I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks, or things I'll be doing in the next couple of months, or even year. It's normal, I guess - but I find myself a nervous wreck sometimes. It's like this: there are things that I know that I need to do. And I know that I can do them. And I suppose that I know how I'll do them. I'm just scared to death of doing them. And maybe I'm just scared for the sake of being so. I'm not sure. But I know everything will be worth the fear when all is said and done.

After reading back over the last paragraph, I've come tot he conclusion that I've mastered the art of writing vaguely. And I've also mastered the art of feeling no remorse for my ambiguous writing. So I'm sorry that I'm so good at writing like that, because I know it's annoying.

Next semester is approaching me with the appearance of a derailed train. It is going to be just about everything besides easy. I'll be taking two courses at GCS - Chemistry and Algebra II. And I will also be taking English 101 and Computer from Piedmont Tech - those classes will count for college credit, thankfully. Then I am going to be doing Government on my own at home. My plate is going to be filled academically, not to mention everything else that life tends to throw my way. Yahoo for an exciting last semester of high-school.

It's 12:47. I've been habitually getting to sleep at 2:30 or later for the past few nights, and proceeding to wake at noon or later. For this, I feel no better than a three-toed sloth. I'm actually a little bit humiliated for even admitting to that. But I suppose that I'm only making the most of my Christmas vacation, before the reckoning begins in January (when school recommences). So, as means to prepare my body for the "normal" sleeping schedule that I'll need to adhere to in a couple of weeks, I believe I'll romp my way towards my bedroom, and hopefully succeed in falling asleep before too late.

Santa

I heard something absolutely disgusting/frightening earlier today. Apparently, the average American gains roughly 7 pounds during the Christmas holidays. I have taken it upon myself to not let that happen to me this year. Because I just don't think my body could handle any extra weight. I'm gonna have to take it easy on the gingerbread cookies for a couple of weeks.

On a more encouraging page, Santa Claus is indeed coming to town. Speaking of coming to town, the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" is probably the creepiest holiday song in history. I hate knowing that "he sees me when I'm sleeping" and "he knows when I'm awake". It's like he has been peeking through my bedroom window, keeping my every move under strict surveillance. On second thought, Santa can stay at the North Pole this Christmas.

Maybe I just have the pre-Christmas jitters. Maybe I haven't been good enough this year. Maybe I'm afraid that when I wake on Christmas morn, I will find that my stocking has been filled with coal.

Or mayybee I still have tons of Christmas shopping to do, and I'm on edge because Christmas is less than a week away. There is so much to do - you don't know half of it.

It's 12:07, and my eyes are involuntarily closing, which is a pretty good sign that I need to be heading towards the bed (after brushing my teeth and washing my face, of course). I hope everyone is having an astounding Christmas season.

the weather outside is frightful

It seems a bit mundane for the weather to be so ridiculously cold and we aren't reaping any snow out of the deal. In fact, I feel a little bit cheated. If I'm going to endure the chapped lips, dry skin, frozen car engines, and runny noses, I'd at least like to romp around in some snow to lift my spirits.

And Christmas.... is so ridiculously close. As of last night, I have accomplished 2/8 of my total Christmas shopping. I love buying gifts for people, but I usually have insufficent funds to purchase what I'd like to. I'm also not a really good shopper, and I usually have to have someone with me to give me input on things. But I would far rather be shopping for someone else than for myself. Shopping for myself usually stresses me out.

Tomorrow is my last day of "real" classes. In fact, I really only have one class that I have to go to. I take my exam in Spanish III at 9:45 or so. I highly anticipate ending that class. Although it has been an overwhelming joy to dive headfirst into another language, I'm satisfied with speaking English for right now. And I'm sure that all Spanish-speakers are satisfied with that as well, because my Spanish is absolutely awful.

And I also believe that I'm going to see King Kong tomorrow night. Which I'm really looking forward to alot. I've seen maybe 3 previews to it, and those were enough to pique my interest in it. Aaaand Jack Black is in it.

That's all for now. Thank you for reading this bland entry. I'm confident that it contained much of little interest to anyone else. Haha. Merry Christmas.

[listening to: pete yorn]
[mood: passive]

on a brighter note

things really aren't so bad.


i'm sorry for ending the last post so drearily, really.
because there's no good reason for doing that.

shivering

this winter season is hitting me like a sledgehammer. not only has the cold weather made my skin abominably dry, it has also had negative effects on my mood - as i'm sure has been the case with most people.

i don't care how cliche this sounds. i have a weight on my heart. in the past, i've considered myself stressed out by schoolwork, or a busy schedule. i now find myself more stressed than i have been in my life. i don't mean to be negative, but i know that i am. however, since this is a place that i can freely drain most- if not all- pressures of life onto an empty page, i don't feel compelled to refrain from doing so. and you have my apologies for being so crabby.

i was hesitant to write anything at all, actually. my current state leaves me with no desire to put forth any effort to do much of anything that requires creative output. i know that sounds ridiculously dismal - and i suppose that it is. i'm not really in a terrible mood 24/7. in fact, i wouldn't say that i'm in a terrible mood right now. i'm just worn sort of thin - much like a stretched rubber band.

i'm sincerely striving to be aware of others, though. and to be aware of God's strong hand in my life. i know that it is in times like these that my only logical choice is to lean on Him. and sometimes, doing that is harder than you'd believe.

colorblind

today has been reminiscent of a black and white movie. nothing bad has happened, but i just don't feel very good. i awoke to the sensation of suffocation. i couldn't breathe out of my nose whatsoever, my voice was really weak, and my throat felt like it was closing up. i stayed in bed 20 minutes longer than i should have, but those 20 minutes haven't yet had a negative effect on my day.

before leaving for school, i took two teaspoons of the most repulsive purple medicine on the planet. i think it may have helped for an hour or so, but i can already tell that my ailments from this morning are looming overhead. i expect congestion to hit me hard again any second.

the harsh gray weather outside compliments my physical condition nicely. in fact, if you were able to paint a picture of how i feel right now, i'm sure it would look similar to the pale heavy clouds hanging above my house.

and i have zero appetite, which can't be good. i had two pieces of toast for breakfast, and 1/4 of a granola bar for lunch. i should be famished.

on a different note, there have been some interesting changes in our dress-code at bruster's lately. i arrived last night to discover that they are requiring all employees to wear santa hats on top of the usual red visor. i can only assume that this was designed to help the employees (and customers) to get into the holiday spirit. i only wish that "reindeer antlers" was an option as an alternative to the santa hat. i'd like that more.

this is going to be a long long long three weeks. hopefully, my little sickness will pass quickly and make things slightly easier. that would be wonderful.

that's all for now. i hope everyone is doing fantastic.

happy in dependence

[stolen from my sister's deviant art page. she's amazing.]

is this what you were talking about?