colorblind

today has been reminiscent of a black and white movie. nothing bad has happened, but i just don't feel very good. i awoke to the sensation of suffocation. i couldn't breathe out of my nose whatsoever, my voice was really weak, and my throat felt like it was closing up. i stayed in bed 20 minutes longer than i should have, but those 20 minutes haven't yet had a negative effect on my day.

before leaving for school, i took two teaspoons of the most repulsive purple medicine on the planet. i think it may have helped for an hour or so, but i can already tell that my ailments from this morning are looming overhead. i expect congestion to hit me hard again any second.

the harsh gray weather outside compliments my physical condition nicely. in fact, if you were able to paint a picture of how i feel right now, i'm sure it would look similar to the pale heavy clouds hanging above my house.

and i have zero appetite, which can't be good. i had two pieces of toast for breakfast, and 1/4 of a granola bar for lunch. i should be famished.

on a different note, there have been some interesting changes in our dress-code at bruster's lately. i arrived last night to discover that they are requiring all employees to wear santa hats on top of the usual red visor. i can only assume that this was designed to help the employees (and customers) to get into the holiday spirit. i only wish that "reindeer antlers" was an option as an alternative to the santa hat. i'd like that more.

this is going to be a long long long three weeks. hopefully, my little sickness will pass quickly and make things slightly easier. that would be wonderful.

that's all for now. i hope everyone is doing fantastic.

happy in dependence

[stolen from my sister's deviant art page. she's amazing.]

is this what you were talking about?

I Don't Want Excuses

During the past 2 weeks, I've developed shin splints in my right leg. I remember suffering with this same injury during soccer season, and now it has returned to curse my attempts to maintain physical fitness. After running at least 2 miles nearly every day last week, I began feeling something in my right shin which I'd rather not ever feel again. I could hardly bend my foot forward or backward without a being attacked by immediate pain in my shin - which made the mere task of walking a bit challenging, at times. I felt like maybe stretching it on a regular basis would ease the soreness that I felt, and I could get back to running. Lo' and behold, I was wrong, and it only intensified the pain.

I decided to consult my father, a physician, as to what I should do. In retrospect, I really should have asked him from the very beginning. I instead depended on my dim intellect to concoct a remedy to my problems, and to my dismay, wounded myself more than I was to begin with. He said that I should take pain relievers 3 times a day (or when needed) and keep from running (or doing anything that may put stress on my shin) until it was healed fully.

This past weekend, I went to Ilinois. The weather there was similar to an arctic tundra, and, needless to say, I did no running - for fear that I would die in the sub-zero temperatures, either by polar bear attack or frostbite. Or both. Anyhow, when I awoke this morning, I noticed that I felt very little pain in my shin. Being the ignorant fool that I am, I interpreted this as a "green light" for me to pick back up running.

I went to the Y today and tested my hypothesis. I was hardly able to run a mile without my shin giving way. And now the pain is back full-swing, and I've learned my lesson.


Pooey. I don't want excuses like this.

I Am Ready For The Flames

I'm going to address a controversial topic during this post. As a forewarning, there are alot of avenues of religion in which I am theologically ignorant. However, I hold fast to my beliefs, and am confident that all that I believe can be backed up with the Word of God. I'd like to open this post up to anyone/everyone else who happens to know more than myself (aka everyone) about it, so that I can be educated in the process. There's alot that I don't understand, and there's a little that I do. Here's a little bit.

I was talking to my sister earlier tonight about the contrasting beliefs of various denominations. I'll go ahead and say it: I don't like denominations. I think that there is an essential skeleton of beliefs and commitments that determine whether or not someone is a Christian. All of the other petty details can be sorted out once we get to Heaven. But I've come to terms with the fact that there is a need for separating bodies of believers according to specific beliefs about Christianity. I still don't like it.

Here is the one of the ideas that I just can't make sense of: God predestines those who will believe in Him, and those who won't. If this statement is true, then we really have no choice in our salvation. God has already chosen His army of believers, and has weeded out the ones that aren't going to accept salvation. I happen to believe that God has blessed us with a little thing called "free-will". Sure, He knows who will accept Him and who won't. That's what He does - He's omniscient. But there is a pretty clear distinction between knowing and choosing. God loves each and every one of His children. He longs for all of us to come to a saving knowledge of Him. Why wouldn't He? The thing is, He loved us enough to give us a choice in the matter, rather than administrate a universe of souls whose destinies He had already planned. He wants us to desire a relationship with Him.


That's what I think. I may have some things wrong. If so, correct me. I'd love to have some discussion on this topic.

leaves are falling

oh, by the way, autumn has to be the most beautiful season of the year.

today is such a lovely day. it makes me want to spend as much time outside as possible.

i love fall.

good times are gonna come

good things have been happening lately. and the only thing i can really attribute the cause to is God's abounding love - even in the little things. i've been learning alot lately. and i like learning.

i went to a ben folds show last night in Atlanta. it was the second time i've seen him. i can't say that two times is enough, but i'm content for now. he's probably one of my favorite performers ever. probably.

i've been praying more than i've ever prayed in my life lately. for some reason, i'm in a funny stage in life when i realize that i hardly know anything at all. and i'm slowly becoming okay with that. i've been having to surrender things to God daily. it seems like every time i turn around, i'm having to say "okay God, this is Yours." it's probably both the hardest and most fulfilling procedures ever. trust can be so hard when can't see anything ahead of you. it's like being blind-folded and led by a friend. they can see, and you can't. therefore, you have to believe that they have your well-being in mind. and i think believing that can be the hardest part.


i'm really excited about the next several months... because i have no idea what is going to happen.

yeeesh

some days i want to just sprout wings and fly away.



even if only for a little while.

The Sizing Crisis

I've recently come upon a problem that I have suffered with for quite awhile. It concerns the clothes that I buy, and the way that they fit me. Now, in all honesty, I have a handful of t-shirts that fit fine and that I love. However, those shirts are a minority compared to the t-shirts that fit strangely.

For example, I ordered two t-shirts awhile back that I anxiously anticipated wearing. I ordered medium, because, I mean, when has "Medium" ever not fit me? They arrived, and as I eagerly ripped open the package and surveyed the contents, I was immediately dismayed. I realized that the universal sizing for "Medium" had been changed to "Extra Extra Large" and no one told me. Because these shirts were clearly not mediums. I would have sent them back for a new size, except that I had sent them back once before - they were first sent to me as "Child's Small".

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a shirt whose arrival I also looked forward to. I skeptically ordered it as "Small", seeing as "Medium" didn't work out so well for me before. It arrived, and upon slipping it on and displaying it to family and friends, I recieved mixed reviews. Some said "Hey, looks great!" while others bashfully told me that it made me look like a toilet roll, and simply fit weird.

So it seems that my body is stuck at some "mystery size" that is floating somewhere in between "Medium" and "Small". The trouble is, no one makes shirts in "Mystery Size".

So, the dilema I'm faced with now is this: Should I return the shirt that I have now for a Medium and risk it being too large? Or should I bravely stick with the Small and hope that it stretches a little bit over time?

The polls are open. Cast your vote.

....

as of 4:30 today, i had not cried for one year and five months.


at 4:40 today, that clock reset.




i've never felt more helpless.
my hands feel tied behind my back.

i didn't want it to mean that much to me

this was the view from my house in the philippines.

yes, it was amazing.

and yes, i miss it.