when there's nothing left to burn...

Life has been moving swimmingly as of late. Lots of things have been going on, and for most of these "things", I have just been going through the motions to get by. I recognize that this isn't a good habit to develop, and I hope to reconcile these mistakes somehow soon. But things have been good.

I find my thoughts wandering every now and then. I think alot about the future, whether it be things I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks, or things I'll be doing in the next couple of months, or even year. It's normal, I guess - but I find myself a nervous wreck sometimes. It's like this: there are things that I know that I need to do. And I know that I can do them. And I suppose that I know how I'll do them. I'm just scared to death of doing them. And maybe I'm just scared for the sake of being so. I'm not sure. But I know everything will be worth the fear when all is said and done.

After reading back over the last paragraph, I've come tot he conclusion that I've mastered the art of writing vaguely. And I've also mastered the art of feeling no remorse for my ambiguous writing. So I'm sorry that I'm so good at writing like that, because I know it's annoying.

Next semester is approaching me with the appearance of a derailed train. It is going to be just about everything besides easy. I'll be taking two courses at GCS - Chemistry and Algebra II. And I will also be taking English 101 and Computer from Piedmont Tech - those classes will count for college credit, thankfully. Then I am going to be doing Government on my own at home. My plate is going to be filled academically, not to mention everything else that life tends to throw my way. Yahoo for an exciting last semester of high-school.

It's 12:47. I've been habitually getting to sleep at 2:30 or later for the past few nights, and proceeding to wake at noon or later. For this, I feel no better than a three-toed sloth. I'm actually a little bit humiliated for even admitting to that. But I suppose that I'm only making the most of my Christmas vacation, before the reckoning begins in January (when school recommences). So, as means to prepare my body for the "normal" sleeping schedule that I'll need to adhere to in a couple of weeks, I believe I'll romp my way towards my bedroom, and hopefully succeed in falling asleep before too late.

Santa

I heard something absolutely disgusting/frightening earlier today. Apparently, the average American gains roughly 7 pounds during the Christmas holidays. I have taken it upon myself to not let that happen to me this year. Because I just don't think my body could handle any extra weight. I'm gonna have to take it easy on the gingerbread cookies for a couple of weeks.

On a more encouraging page, Santa Claus is indeed coming to town. Speaking of coming to town, the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" is probably the creepiest holiday song in history. I hate knowing that "he sees me when I'm sleeping" and "he knows when I'm awake". It's like he has been peeking through my bedroom window, keeping my every move under strict surveillance. On second thought, Santa can stay at the North Pole this Christmas.

Maybe I just have the pre-Christmas jitters. Maybe I haven't been good enough this year. Maybe I'm afraid that when I wake on Christmas morn, I will find that my stocking has been filled with coal.

Or mayybee I still have tons of Christmas shopping to do, and I'm on edge because Christmas is less than a week away. There is so much to do - you don't know half of it.

It's 12:07, and my eyes are involuntarily closing, which is a pretty good sign that I need to be heading towards the bed (after brushing my teeth and washing my face, of course). I hope everyone is having an astounding Christmas season.

the weather outside is frightful

It seems a bit mundane for the weather to be so ridiculously cold and we aren't reaping any snow out of the deal. In fact, I feel a little bit cheated. If I'm going to endure the chapped lips, dry skin, frozen car engines, and runny noses, I'd at least like to romp around in some snow to lift my spirits.

And Christmas.... is so ridiculously close. As of last night, I have accomplished 2/8 of my total Christmas shopping. I love buying gifts for people, but I usually have insufficent funds to purchase what I'd like to. I'm also not a really good shopper, and I usually have to have someone with me to give me input on things. But I would far rather be shopping for someone else than for myself. Shopping for myself usually stresses me out.

Tomorrow is my last day of "real" classes. In fact, I really only have one class that I have to go to. I take my exam in Spanish III at 9:45 or so. I highly anticipate ending that class. Although it has been an overwhelming joy to dive headfirst into another language, I'm satisfied with speaking English for right now. And I'm sure that all Spanish-speakers are satisfied with that as well, because my Spanish is absolutely awful.

And I also believe that I'm going to see King Kong tomorrow night. Which I'm really looking forward to alot. I've seen maybe 3 previews to it, and those were enough to pique my interest in it. Aaaand Jack Black is in it.

That's all for now. Thank you for reading this bland entry. I'm confident that it contained much of little interest to anyone else. Haha. Merry Christmas.

[listening to: pete yorn]
[mood: passive]

on a brighter note

things really aren't so bad.


i'm sorry for ending the last post so drearily, really.
because there's no good reason for doing that.

shivering

this winter season is hitting me like a sledgehammer. not only has the cold weather made my skin abominably dry, it has also had negative effects on my mood - as i'm sure has been the case with most people.

i don't care how cliche this sounds. i have a weight on my heart. in the past, i've considered myself stressed out by schoolwork, or a busy schedule. i now find myself more stressed than i have been in my life. i don't mean to be negative, but i know that i am. however, since this is a place that i can freely drain most- if not all- pressures of life onto an empty page, i don't feel compelled to refrain from doing so. and you have my apologies for being so crabby.

i was hesitant to write anything at all, actually. my current state leaves me with no desire to put forth any effort to do much of anything that requires creative output. i know that sounds ridiculously dismal - and i suppose that it is. i'm not really in a terrible mood 24/7. in fact, i wouldn't say that i'm in a terrible mood right now. i'm just worn sort of thin - much like a stretched rubber band.

i'm sincerely striving to be aware of others, though. and to be aware of God's strong hand in my life. i know that it is in times like these that my only logical choice is to lean on Him. and sometimes, doing that is harder than you'd believe.