now is when you need to be who you're meant to be...

i feel sort of disgusting, and i'm not sure why. i might the only one who has this feeling, but every now and then, i am overcome with an overwhelming sense of dumpiness. it's not that i'm really dirty (i mean, i might be), but i just feel gross. it's like i need to take a big, long shower [and i'm already a very shower-y person, so you can imagine how many showers i take when i'm like this..].

i've been in significantly high spirits as of late. i can only give credit to God. it's obvious to me that He's working slowly but surely in my life. It's an amazing feeling. I still mess up - alot, actually. But God is constantly molding me more and more into who He wants to be, and I honestly can't wait to see what He has in store for me, because He's already done so many amazing things in my life that I'm totally unworthy of.

at long last, the tennis season is over. do realize that when i say "at long last" i should really be saying "at short last" because it was really one of the most brief sports seasons that i've ever been a part of. it was somewhat refreshing, though. i enjoyed it muchly, and have a new fondness for tennis, but i must say that it's pleasing to have so much more free time in the afternoons. i went to the Y(mca) with ashby and tyler this afternoon. it was the first time i had been there in a long time. i did quite miserably in lifting, but hopefully things will pick up. i plan to go again tomorrow... for a little while at least, because i have fusion tomorrow evening as well.

i really need a job. i need to break out of my comfort zone and apply for something that i don't necessarily want. because i need anything and should jump at everything that is a possibility.

oh - the buick is "mine" now. (meaning i have the freedom to put stickers and such onto it)


that's all for tonight. goodnight!

don't be there this time.

alot has happened since my last post. key-events are as follows:

• i almost hit a deer in broad daylight
• a gift possum was left on the hood of my car [it was dead]
• i broke my nose and gave myself a minor concussion during my last tennis match of the season
• i slept for 18 hours last night
• i cleaned my room today. when i say cleaned, i mean...cleaned.

other things happened, i am just too lazy to try to think back and remember what has taken place.

even after my sumptuous sleep last night, i find myself with a slight headache. why is this? i'm not sure. it could have to do with the constant yelling and talking of my younger brothers. though i love them dearly, sometimes i can't take the hyperactivity. if you know me then you know that i'm somewhat passive, and i can't always be "going" in the sense that they are (my brothers) going.

light has found its way here...

i wish i could be the perfect person for someone else...

so i decided to give myself a reason

i definitely feel like i'm having a mini-seizure. my eyes are not focusing, and my pupils can't stay in the same place for a mere millisecond. it's dizzying, and will cut tonight's blog short.

tonight i baked my very first Fruity Pebbles Cake at the house of Katie Hinrichs, with several wonderful friends of mine, Ashby Hall, Katie Fyock, Ashley Graham, Caroline Clarke, and Katie Hinrichs. It was a monumental event which none of us will soon forget. Besides the creation of the cake, we played tennis, which was also quite enjoyable.

Um. So i'm really tired. And I can't type in the condition that I'm in currently. So i'll write more tomorrow maybe.

... 

don't be angry

i'm motivated to do school work. can you believe it? i can't. because i wasn't last week. somehow i am now.

it could be attributed to the fact that i had a rewarding band practice today (we haven't had one since far before christmas). it made me quite happy. we hope to have show(s) soon. hurray.

but i can't write much more. i have work to do.

i just get sick of the things we think we think we know

i don't have alot to write about, so i'm not really sure why i'm writing at all. maybe i am guilt-tripping about my last post and my conscience is nagging me to apologize to everyone for such a dumb entry. so this is my apology. sorry.



i seem to have myself a serious priority-crisis. school has somehow found it's way to the bottom of my "List of Priorities" (I keep one nailed to the back of my door .......not really.) But just about everything in the world outweighs school in terms of importance right now. Especially music... and writing....and those sorts of things. It's almost all I think about. almost. But here it is: I've gotten to the point where I'm past loving music (etc) and am not caring much at all about school because I know that...I have music. I'll be honest and say that I don't have a good feeling about this. Because the next thing you know, I will have dropped out of high-school and will be playing music full-time. Which doesn't seem too bad to me right now, but I keep telling myself that this highschool education will be worth it in the end; let's hope that I'm right.



that's all for now, folks.



[listening to: the rocket summer - never knew]
[i feel like: a slacker. but a happy one]

tonight i saw that i was sincere

[listening to: the rocket summer - "never knew"]

i don't know how many times i've given this advice to friends. "you just have to roll with the punches." tonight it hit me like an atomic bomb. how well am I rolling with the punches? i sincerely hope that i'm getting better at relating with my surroundings. in the past, i've been horrible at this.

i'm also really bad at waiting. i have this incredibly strong feeling inside of me as i'm writing this, but, words aren't taking shape; i don't think anyone knows how much that i wish that they would. it's times like these that i hate not being able to express myself.

i've been trying to re-analyze my actions, and why i do the things i do. i respond to social confrontation very poorly. there are rarely times that i can respond rationally to a situation that arises. i don't feel the need to be specific.

i'm out of things to say.

so, tomorrow is a tennis match. us against cambridge. we're going to die. that's all there is to it.

i'm really looking forward to seeing what happens in my life in the next year. there are endless possibilities. but i can't face it all alone.



wow. after a completely off-the-wall blog, i doubt that there is a soul on earth that wants to read my writing ever again. you have my deepest apologies. i needed to get some things out of my system, and i thought that by blogging, i may have been able to.



i really do try to be sincere.

i miss it :( 

classical guitar, beaten and bruised

i was just outside watching my little brothers play at the church parking lot beside my house. they were riding around on their little hot wheel bikes, and i was sitting playing my classical guitar. it just so happens that today, the wind decided to blow at an average speed of 110 miles per hour, and the wind chill was somewhere around -15 degrees. this caused me some undue discomfort, but seemed to have little effect on the joy of my brothers. i decided that maybe if i walked around the parking lot, i maybe able to warm myself up. so i set my guitar onto my sandals, as not to scratch it on the pavement, and set the roll of toilet paper next to it (i had the toilet paper because both of the boys sinuses weren't in top condition). after i had walked about 100 feet from the guitar, i heard this discouraging crash. i looked to see what had happened (half expecting to see one of the little bikes laying valiantly ontop of a crushed guitar, with one of my brothers proudly claiming victory over the sad musical instrument). however, it seemed that the hurricane-like wind somehow lifted my guitar from its resting place and flipped it over onto its face, breaking two strings, and thoroughly disfiguring the string-bridge on the top of the neck. even better, the roll of toilet paper had taken flight. it had become strewn across the parking lot like an enormous white ribbon, and traveling at nearly 30 mph. the twins joined me in my effort of stopping it - and we eventually did. we were left with a mass of crumpled up toilet paper the size of a basketball. it was at this time that i decided to call it quits and head inside.

i now am faced with the task of writing my anatomy&physiology paper, which is required to be 7 pages in length. it's due monday. now would be a good time for my creativity to kick in.


that's all for now.

i miss everyone

i haven't posted on here in a very very very long time. and alot has happened since i last posted. and unfortunately, i won't be able to adequately recap all of the events that took place. so, be content with my lack of information for right now.

spring break is really almost over. it's really kind of sad. i got back from the beach today... finally. i was there for like a week...and one day. but it was still alot of fun. the first couple of days, it was just my family there. then on sunday, my dad, sisters, and brother in law left, and stephen, ashby, and justin came to stay. then andy ended up coming towards the end of the week, then ashby left, then stephen left with my mom and brothers, and the last day (and night) was just justin, andy, and myself. needless to say, fun was had by all. but as it always goes, i am left exhausted and devoid of energy and/or pleasant spirits.

guess what? i have a 7 page paper on the lymphatic system due on monday. i've written a sentence. what does this mean for me? sadness and nearly nothing else. and i miss my hair immensely. if you haven't heard the news, don't worry, you'll hear soon enough.... or if you get lucky, you'll see it. it's awful.