so this is the new year

so many things have happened in the past year. i'm sure you will all be disappointed to know that i'm not going to take the time to reflect on everything that has come to pass, but i don't feel that it is entirely necessary. however, i can say with confidence that i see God's hand in my life. He shows me something new every day, whether I admit to it or not.

in less than 7 days, I am going to be leaving for the Philippines for 5 months. i think that the reality of this trip has sort of snuck up on me. only recently have i realized that i really am leaving. and i really will be gone for five whole months. i'm excited. i'm scared. i'm overjoyed. i'm apprehensive. this is going to be the first time i've truly been 'on my own' for such an amount of time.

i've had a wonderfully relaxed celebration of the new year. i hope all of you have had one as fabulous as mine.

i'll post more soon. count on it.

God is so big.

Rubber Soul

My favorite all-time record by The Beatles is "Rubber Soul". I can't offer an explanation for why I feel this way. I know that many other people prefer other albums, and I won't argue with them. Because you can't really go wrong with too many albums by this band. Each is classic in its own way. I grew up on "Rubber Soul", and I believe that may have alot to do with why I am so in love with it. To me, this album epitomizes everything that The Beatles are to me. The brilliant melodies. The pop sensibility. The innovative guitar work. So many of the elements on this album are so inconspicuous. Which is what I think makes it so fabulous.

For anyone who hasn't heard any of this album, I urge you to soon.

someone got a haircut

the december that wasn't december

So far, this December has been a big let-down. I know that it's only the 1st and that there is plenty of December left, but I don't want to hear any excuses. It feels more like April outside, and that is unacceptable. I don't want to be a stick in the mud, but the one of the surest signs that winter has arrived is when it actually feels like winter. This December has alot of explaining to do.

Also, I have recently realized that I have but 5 short little measly weeks left in the United States of America. I leave for the Philippines on January the 7th (if everything goes as planned) and I will return at the beginning of June. And I can't wait.

crossroads.

so. my trial with .mac is practically over. and i enjoyed it alot. but about in the middle of my trial period, alot of things came up and i wasn't really able to use it like i wanted. oh well. here i am, back again. now that i think about it, it will probably be easier for everyone to access this page.

so i believe that i have come to a crossroad in life. i have never felt more assured of God's presence in my life but i have never felt so scared to face the future before. so many things have happened in the past month. the opening of doors. the slamming shut of doors. and the cracking of a few windows, too.

i am trying to approach these changes with a fresh perspective. i don't want to dwell too much on the past, because there is so much ahead of me. but i don't want to leave some things behind.

on the horizon.

watch out! ---> click.

Deuteronomy 6:25
And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness.

counting miles

i think that when i stopped posting for a short while, i fooled everyone that used to read this blog into thinking that i was never going to post again. because this is clearly a "post", that idea can be lay to rest. laid to rest. layed to rest. somebody help me out here. this blog isn't "dead", i just got tired of posting/writing/being consistent there for awhile. i'm not sure if the fact that i am now posting means that there has been a reversal of feelings, but it may very well mean that. we'll wait and see how things turn out.

i'm getting distracted by things. i can't finish this post.

listen to the ben kweller song "run". it's new, and i think that it is good.

it's getting colder

i woke up at about 8:45 this morning because i have alot of things to do today, one of which is finishing cutting my yard. it seems like i am cutting grass alot these days, and i'm not sure why that is. i don't really think that the grass in my yard grows faster than anyone elses, but maybe it does. i cut grass about once a week, and we have a gigantic yard. it takes awhile. i'm lazy so it usually takes two days. i could probably do it in one.

after i woke up this morning, i ate breakfast, and sort of sat around for about an hour. and then i walked outside to move some lawn furniture so that i could cut the grass. when i stepped outside, i realized that the temperature is definitely changing. it certainly isn't "cold" yet, but i'm sure it would constitute as "chilly", at least. in the philippines, we'd probably consider it cold. there is a place in the philippines called "Baguio" that my family would go around Christmas time. Baguio is in the mountains and usually is colder than the temperature in the city. it made us feel more "at home" (home in the United States, that is) having Christmas in cold weather, because that's what we had become used to. but after living there for so long, it's hard to know which place to call home - if i'm allowed to, i'll just call both home. anyways, the point i was getting to was that Baguio wasn't really that cold. i think it may have gotten down to the 60s on good nights. but i'm not even sure if it got that low. i always thought it was going to snow.

i'm actually sitting outside as we speak, thanks to the miracle of wireless internet. it's actually quite relaxing. it would be moreso if my psychotic three-legged dog wasn't rolling around like a lunatic at my feet.

well, i'm going to finish moving things in the yard so i can go ahead and begin to cut.

have a happy tuesday.

this was our entrance; now it's our exit

Sometimes I'm not sure that I really know what I'm doing with my life. I just want to be sure that my plans are lining up with God's will. It's not that anything has happened lately to make me think otherwise, but sometimes I just wonder. And I suppose that this "wondering" that I do is simply a mechanism of my human nature. So I usually try to shrug it off, telling myself that "it's natural". And I think that it is.

I am actually more excited that I thought I'd be to just get on with things. While I am enjoying the ministry that I am involved with right now, and by no means do I feel like I am wasting my time, I kind of want to just go ahead and dive into college. But I truly feel drawn to spend January-May with my old class in Manila. Which I am very very highly anticipating.

I'm sleepy.

somewhere a clock is ticking...

I journeyed along with a few friends into downtown Atlanta last night to see Augustana and Snow Patrol perform at the Tabernacle. I believe that this was my third show to attend at the Tabernacle. I enjoyed it alot. The performances were very good - despite some technical issues beyond the band's control during Snow Patrol's set (the malfunctions didn't take away from my enjoyment of the music whatsoever). I have a new appreciation for Snow Patrol. It isn't that I didn't appreciate them before last night, but I think sometimes (for me at least) it takes a live performance to really open up my eyes to a band's music. I like alot more of their first cd now.

I'm about to head out to the prayer house, but I wanted to post something about last night before I lose all initiative to do so. So there you have it.

Oh, also - Come and hear Kelley McCravy and Y/our Sparkle Heart play tomorrow night at the Black Cow. I'm not absolutely positive what time it starts, but if you're planning on coming, let me know, and I'll give you the time.


have a terrific thursday night.

panicbox

I have a good friend named Gerry whom I have known since I was but a tot swinging from coconut trees in the Philippines. Gerry is Chinese and Canadian, and she's a remarkable artist.

And great with web design.



Above is a sample of one of her vectors.

Visit http://panicbox.net/ for her full portfolio.

Enjoy!

the sun will rise

right now i'm hunkered down in a waiting area inside the Greenville airport, making use of the free wireless internet, awaiting my departure time. tragically, my flight to Nashville today was cancelled (I was originally supposed to fly out at 7:25). Now I'm leaving at like 10:30. It's 6:10 now. Hoorah. I woke up this morning at 3:20, so I'm a little sleepy. For some reason, instead of going through Atlanta as I was originally meant to do, I am now going through Cincinatti. Don't ask me why. I'm puzzled, but the whole airline system is a pretty puzzling thing.

so i'm listening to music and finding ways to pass the time. I should have brought a portable croquet set. The terminal would be a perfect spot to play.

anyways, i'll be in nashville until sunday visiting a friend along with belmont college. i have a tour this afternoon at 2, and i meet with admissions people at 3. i'm pretty excited about seeing the campus and talking to some people. i'll eventually post about trip.

well, i've run out of things to say, so that's all for now.

hope everyone has a smashing friday morning.

shoo!

first and foremost, happy monday to all. i hope everyone's week has gotten off on the right foot. or something. mine has, i suppose. and i only "suppose" because i don't know how it could have started any better - which i guess can be both good and bad. all is well.

i went for a jog this afternoon after work. the combined heat and humidity made me feel like i was running through the sahara desert on ice skates. i ran as far as my legs (and rest of my body, for that matter) would allow me, and then i stopped. i didn't want to over do it - i haven't ran consistently in like 5 months. maybe more. maybe less. but it has been awhile. i hope to run 3 days a week if i can. i usually break my goal after the first day, but i'm going to try my best to follow through...

speaking of work - things are going pretty well. i've been working anywhere between 40 and 50 hours a week, and often times, saturday is included in that count. which is sad. but it makes my wallet happy (heh.....). i find the most discouraging part of my job is having shards of aluminum shoot from the sawblade towards my body. the pain that these shards inflict are the equivalent (if not moreso) to the sting of a 2 pound hornet. i usually try to step away from the saw if i'm sawing something that i know sends of lots of debris, but today it seemed that i forgot. alot. the favored target of the afternoon was my neck. needless to say, i'm learning my lesson quickly.

another lesson i'm learning is that i'm not cut out to work in a place like Cooper. i don't know if it is a matter of me not being man enough or what. if nothing else, working at Cooper for these few months is giving me incentive to go to college. yahoo.

nowww, speaking of college. i was recently (a few months ago) reminded by a friend of a college in Nashville called Belmont, which has a flourishing music scene and strong programs of study involving music and such. I had known about the school before. I'm just not sure why I never gave it a second glance. I checked their website, and as it turns out, it has a Music Business degree, which is something that i have sort of had my eye out for. I'm planning on visiting a friend who lives in Nashville (and is also considering Belmont) next month to take a look around. I'll keep you posted.

whewwf. well. i think i'm done for now. if anything comes to mind, i'll be back. maybe.

- Steven

take care

Me oh my.

It has been quite a week, and it's not even over yet. If I had a tail at the beginning of this week, I would no longer have it, because I would have certainly worked it off. I've been working like a maniac. But it's all good. the weekend is getting closer with every second. hoorah.

So. I thought I had something to post about. but i really don't. maybe i'll remember later on or something.

oh yeah - Amanda gets home on Monday! yessss. good times are a'comin. and for anyone who didn't know, she has been in Brazil for the past two weeks, and has been missed dearly by... well... pretty much everyone.


and that's all i have for right now. more later.

manly man

i startled myself when i got home from work the other day and looked in the mirror. the reflection that i saw was of a dirty, dusty working man, wielding a tape measure, work gloves, and safety glasses. i went to Cooper at 7 o'clock on thursday (last thursday) morning not knowing what to expect. since that morning, i have been drained of a whole lot of energy. but all is well, and i'm finally actually making money. the last time i had a steady job was when i wore red visors and scooped overpriced ice-cream.

on thursday i worked from 7am-3:30pm.
on friday i worked from 5am-1pm.
on saturday i worked from 5am-1pm.
yesterday (monday), i worked from 7am-5:30pm
and today, i worked from 7am-5:30pm again.

i was filled with the urge to display my work schedule so far, just so that you (loved audience) can get a general impression of how things have been this past week.

i am a saw man. i saw aluminum, galvanized and stainless steel, fiberglass, and whatever else the world throws my way. the basic scheme is that i am given stacks upon stacks of work orders. these work orders have diagrams and such telling the kind and quantity of material i need, what length to cut, and how many cuts to make. i do this all day long.

one of the trickiest parts of this process is obtaining the material. i'm working in a gigantic warehouse/factory, and there are gigantic aluminum beams and tubing lining the wall behind me. there is also a gigantic crane that moves back and forth overhead from one point of the warehouse to another. this crane is attached to the ceiling, and there is a remote that hangs from it (in case you were wondering). to gather material, one must tie a strap to the middle of a giant bulk of aluminum (or whatever) and then operate the crane so that it is nearly directly over the strap. i noticed a resemblance to the 'crane game' that can be found in arcades, but on a much larger and more dangerous scale. the hook of the crane is then strapped to the material, and the operator must be sure that it is balanced, then try to guide it to it's desired destination. it isn't as easy as it sounds. in fact, it is quite frightening. it's just so big.

anyways. next monday, i'm supposed to be starting second shift. second shift is from 3:30 until midnight. from then on out, my social life will be in shambles. ho-hum. i need money more than a social life right now, anyways. i guess.

a tidal wave of fatigue has just washed over me. or crashed on top of me. or something. so i'm going to leave this computer screen before i have a seizure.


love, steven


ps. i haven't shaved in a week. lumberjack holmes!

carefree days are over

I just recieved a call from Executive Services. I start work at Cooper Power tomorrow at 7 o'clock.



Whew.

....

i have alot on my chest. it has started to feel like my own thoughts are drowning me in my head, so i figured that my best bet to rid myself of that feeling would be to unload all of my thoughts here, like i always do...

I'm not sure what it was. I was just overcome with a strange combination of nostalgia and conviction and a dash of insight all at the same time. I think that this feeling was birthed as a result of a conversation I had with a few friends earlier this evening and also reading over some old emails a few minutes ago. Sometimes I feel like this generation is losing touch with the meaning of 'integrity'. We've forgotten what it means to "stay as far from the line as possible" rather than "let's see how close we can get". Of course, as you move closer to the line, the line seems to slowly moves further away, then before you know it, you've crossed the original line that you said that you'd never cross. It's a simple concept, I just have trouble conveying things in simple terms.

I'm aware of the fact that people have their own interpretations of the law and what the Bible says and what is right and wrong. Sometimes it's difficult for me to see how some issues aren't just black and white. Because some certainly are in my mind. I suppose that I can only really go by the truth that I have found to be true in scripture and stick to that. God's Word is infallible. I just have to understand that my convictions can't be everyone else's convictions. My convictions are my convictions. And all of that is in God's department.

If anyone wants to contribute any words of wisdom, please do so.

the job search

i've come to the conclusion that the time has come that i need to begin searching for a job. i have been postponing the inevitable for quite awhile, but as graduation money dwindles, i need a new source of income. i plan to put in my application at executive services in the next couple of days. definitely before the end of the week.

today i have begun to conquer the beast that is my room. i have an unbelievable amount of junk, and it has amassed over the last semester of school and these first couple weeks of summer. and now i have mount everest in the form of clothes, old notebooks, papers, and random objects looking down at me from on high in the middle of my room. it's time to send in reinforcements.

i now wonder why, with all of the tasks left unaccomplished in my life, i decided to post something. that question will remain unanswered.

criminal offenses

About a month (or so) ago, I received my first ever speeding violation. I was driving home from a performance which took place in Columbia. It was a little past 1:00 in the morning, and I was alone. As a was driving along a dark country road outside of Newberry, I noticed a pair of unmistakable flashing lights behind me. My heart wept.

Originally, my ticket was for $180 and 4 points were to be taken from my license. Today I drove to the courtroom in Newberry, and the ticket was knocked down to $76 and 2 points were taken off. I've learned my lesson. I hope. For now.



more later maybe.

every intention fell to the floor

What happens when what we are "practicing" doesn't exactly line up with the things we are "preaching"? I've been convicted of this felony. I am so quick to speak with the tongue of a saint, while I perform the actions of a rotten sinner with such ease. Indeed, I am a sinner. It is solely by God's grace that I am washed white by the redeeming blood of Christ. I am genuinely ashamed that I have taken my salvation so lightly.

I was thinking earlier today about how important it was for me to sincerely strive to practice what I preach. By no means have I attempted to embark on a quest for perfection, for such is unattainable. However, there are painstakingly obvious areas of my life in which I have been a miserable failure. And I am without excuse. God has offered me His strength, yet I depend on my own. God offers me peace, yet I create chaos for myself.

How would I respond if I were approached by a thief who exhorted me to never steal? I wouldn't respond. His words would be useless to me. Why would I heed the warnings of a beggar who has thrown away his fortune?

And why would anyone around me heed my warnings of certain pitfalls in their life while I am daily diving headfirst into them in my own life?

There's so much for my little mind to digest.

two to one

well. it's all done. graduation has come and gone. and i survived. for some reason completely unknown to me, i felt really uncomfortable after the actual graduation program (commencement?). everyone went to the recessional to eat cake and take pictures. and i sort of felt like i was lost. i don't know. everyone seemed to have these strong bonds with everyone else, which is good. i just couldn't find any bonds of my own - hence the being lost feeling. anywho. i'm utterly thrilled to be out of high-school. but i honestly feel like there's a storm on my horizon. and as much as i'd like to believe that i can just ignore it, i'm pretty sure i'm going to end up in the middle.

God keeps on surprising me in the ways that He teaches me things. Like, I keep on noticing these little areas in life that I struggle with. Then I realize the manner in which He is growing me in that area and making me stronger and more equipped for life. It's a hard thing to really put words to. that's why i won't try to go any further.

actually, it's 1:16 AM (morning) and it has been a long and trying day. i think i'm going to dive into my bed and sleep for a few hours.

happy graduation, class of 2006.

"Today's Mercies for Today's Troubles"

"Sometimes we wonder if we will have the mercy to stand in terrible testing. Yes, we will. Peter says, 'If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you' (1 Peter 4:14). When the reviling comes, the Spirit of glory comes. It happened for Stephen as he was being stoned (Acts 7:55-60). It will happen for you. When the Spirit and glory are needed, they will come."

The latter was an excerpt from "A Godward Life", by John Piper. I recieved this book on my birthday (the 19th) from a family who I respect a great deal. Although life for me has been pretty full with finishing the school year, preparing for graduation, and trying to complete reading Blue Like Jazz, this book has already managed to bless me.

The past two years have been filled with considerable times of pain and change in my life, and in the life of my family as a whole. I departed indefinitely from the place I was chiefly raised in (the Philippines). I have learned more about God's grace in 24 months than I have ever learned in 18 years of life. I lost my grandfather, a man I admired and loved and who I aspire to be like as I grow older. I will be graduating from high-school in less than a week. God has been merciful through every bit of it. In all things He has revealed small glimpses of His glory, and how I simply am unable to do anything at all without Him.

"If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you"

The question lingers in my mind: Who am I being reviled for? Am I earnestly and honestly seeking to please God? Or am I half-heartedly stumbling through life, treating God's mercy more as a free ticket to Glory rather than a divine sacrifice from a Heavenly Father?

There is way too much on my mind to write anything else on this topic. There will probably be more later.

__________________________________________

Tomorrow is my last exam. Ever. At least of my high-school career. I have to be at school at 8:00 to take a comprehensive Algebra II exam. Once I finish, I will be free to fly flappingly from the hallways of GCS and into the wild blue yonder. Almost. I still will need to report for duty on Wednesday morning to take care of some last-minute legalities. Graduation is Saturday at Grace Community Church (On Woodlawn Road). Come one, come all.

According to FedEx, a MacBook with my name on it is currently venturing its way from Anchorage, Alaska, down to my eager little paws here in South Carolina. It should be arriving Thursday afternoon. Everyone is welcome to drop by and help me celebrate.

My head is spinning from too much thinking. Or maybe from gazing into the computer monitor for too long. I've wasted much time on here this afternoon - mostly here playing a game called "Anagrammatic". I'm hooked.

First of all, the MacBook has arrived.













Hip hip hooray for Intel processors and build-in iSight cameras.

_________________________________

Second of all, I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what has happened to the world, but everything seems to be on the fast track towards a giant garbage disposal. It is almost as in the past two or three weeks there has been a climax of "bad" things happening, and sooner or later, I feel like everyone and everything is just going to explode.

Pray for peace.

under the weather

Since about noon today, I've had a sore throat. I'm not a huge fan of sore throats; I always feel like I'm suffocating. I hate to swallow, because when I do, it feels as though hot embers are being shoveled into my esophagus. Since noon, I've acquired a mild headache and a bit of warmth (not sure if it will reach a feverish point or not). Needless to say, there's nothing I want more than a tall glass of ice water and a comfy bed. And maybe a couple pain-killers.

Graduation is approaching swiftly, however, not swiftly enough for me. Pray that I'm able to endure. It's going to be close.

I've been patiently waiting for the rumored release of Apple's new MacBook. It is apparently the replacement for the current iBook - I've heard that it will run on an Intel processor, which will be a pleasant alternative the G4 PowerPC processor that they are known for functioning on. There was a rumor that it was going to be released on May 9th, but seeing as it is now May 10th, that rumor has been lay to rest. The two dates that are currently being ridden are next Tuesday, the 16th, or the 19th. Which is also my birthday. That would be splendid.


I'm weary.

[listening to: jack's mannequin]
[mood: sickly}

and today was a day just like any other

it was you i was thinking of

May!

I feel wretched for postponing posting (hmm) for such a long time. I've been pretty darn busy, which I guess is a good enough excuse.

Tomorrow is the first day of May. For me, May is a pretty eventful month. This May is going to be more eventful than it ever has been, I think. Tomorrow morning, I am traveling to Beaufort, South Carolina, to participate in the State Tennis Tournament, which I will swiftly lose. Logically, I'm not sure why exactly we're driving all the way there, because I'm pretty sure we all know what the outcome is going to be. Anyhow, I'm going to be playing #1, which is frightening, because I'm confident that playing Beaufort's #1 player is going to be similar to trying to fight off a 450 pound gorilla with a pixie stick. But hey, I get to miss school.

On the 6th of May (which is a Saturday), I take the SAT. I couldn't be less excited. I've never been too wonderful at taking tests, much less standardized tests. I always try to find patterns in the way that the little bubbles are filled in. Sometimes I hope that they will form a little picture of a bird or dog or something. If only.

After SATs, I drive to Columbia. Sunny Blunder will be playing that evening that the New Brookland Tavern, as a part of the second round of the Emergenza Music Festival. We're playing at 10:30, which is pretty late for a Saturday night. However, bands are eliminated by how few hands are raised in the audience at the end of each band's set. So if you'd like to see SB progress to the next round and eventually strike it big, you can buy tickets from Andy Crum for $12 (which is a little bit steep, but we didn't set the price. they did.)

On May 12, I'll be participating in the Homemade Genius show here in Greenwood. If any of you are familiar with the recent JNP Show that was at the Federal Building, the Homemade Genius show is very similar. I'll be playing there with This Bright Pilgrimage. I'll try to get more details soon.

Thennnn on May 19, I turn 18 years old. I plan on celebrating by stocking up on lottery tickets. Too bad there's not an election coming up.

And then the day we've all been waiting for: May 24 - The bonds of high school academia will be broken and I'll spread my wings and fly into the clear blue skies of independence. Sort of. But I'm thrilled that graduation is approaching so rapidly. It looks like all of my classes are wrapping up nicely, and hopefully, there won't be any stressful little curveballs thrown into my life at the last minute.

Whew. What a month this will be. I like May.


[i've been listening to: sufjan stevens, sigur ros, and the stills]

we looked like giants

Last night equaled one of the most glorious nights of my life. I stood thirty or so feet from one of the greatest songwriters that I know of - Ben Gibbard. Death Cab for Cutie is one of the most amazing bands that I have ever heard live, and I have a deepened respect for who they are. I am completely satisfied with my life as of right now.

Now let me tell you what I am not satisfied with. I was not satisfied with the band that opened for Death Cab last night. "The Cribs", they called themselves. More like..."The Bad-British-Brothers-Who-Wear-Ugly-Clothes Band". There are few things in life that I resent more than the 40 minutes of my life that I wasted watching them play. There were maybe 3 seconds of each song that they played, where if the instruments were mixed correctly, and I had my eyes closed, I might have enjoyed. Maybe. But those three seconds were overshadowed by the facts that the instruments weren't mixed well and I had my eyes open (and they didn't look all that great on stage).

Okay, that's all I'll say about that.

So I'm home alone for the weekend. I accidentally skipped Missions Day at school today. I feel like such a sinner. I mean, I know that I am a sinner. But, you know. More so. Kristian's family from Norway flew in on Wednesday, and they'll be visiting for two weeks. They all left (including my family) for Charleston yesterday. So I'm here until Sunday on my own. And then I go to the beach with some friends until Thursday. Which I am so very excited about.

Hey! It's Spring Break 2006! One month until graduation! (and my birthday!). Life is good.

the Dental Hygienist from the Pit of Doom

For most of you who know me, you should know that I've never enjoyed visiting the dentist. Now that I have braces, these dismal pilgrimages occur once every month. Typically, my "cleaning" and "wire-changing" dates are scheduled on separate dates, so that I don't get overwhelmed. As luck would have it, this month the two fell upon the same dark day.

Imagine being chained to a cold stone wall, deep in the dungeon of some French prison tower. Now imagine having your mouth pried open by a grubby block of wood and having little needles poked into your gums. Repeatedly poked. And now imagine having a repulsive paste scrubbed onto your teeth - it honestly felt like I was being force fed a bucket of sand - and the little grains were becoming permanently lodged between my bicuspids. I felt no improvement in the cleanliness of my mouth - in fact, I felt confident that they may have been using a reverse psychology method. Now that they've made my mouth dirtier than it has ever been, when I next brush my teeth, I'll feel like a new man through and through.

It makes me wonder about all of the people who rant and rave about how much they loooove the dentist. I mean, how much different could it possibly be? Fine, I'll admit it. My teeth are cleaner. And I'm grateful for that fact. However, I never crave the sensation of a metal pick scratching away inside of my mouth. Give me a toothbrush, a pack of floss, and a bottle of mouthwash, and I'm a happy man.

Okay, I'm done.

the arrival

i have broken free of the bonds of dial-up connection and have jumped headfirst into, once again, the world of dsl. i am a happy, happy boy.

oh, and this bright pilgrimage has a myspace now! click and add us as a friend, por favor.

that's all!





(one month. yess.)

five years from where i am right now

i've never felt so much fear and anticipation coming at me at one time as i have felt lately. the mere fact that i really don't know where i'll be in five years is, in itself, pretty scary. but, when i think of where i could be, i feel less afraid about the future and a little bit more excited.

so you, my small yet faithful audience, are surely wondering: where could you be in five years? or much less, two years?

i could be alot of places. i have alot of interests, and in turn, i feel like i have 15 different callings on my life. i used to always tell myself that i'd like to get into an avenue of writing - journalism and the like - or producing/performing music.

sometime during the past year, another possibility was hatched in my mind: ministry. after growing up on the mission field, i always shunned the prospect of returning to a form of overseas missions, if only for the pathetic reason that i had grown up overseas and wanted to spend my adult life in the united states. yes. a pathetic reason.

however, what it all really comes down to is finding the area that God is drawing me to, and pursuing that area in the best way that I can to bring Him as much glory as I can. the hardest part for me is waiting.

i'm definitely not just wallowing in a fog of confusion, though. there are alot of areas of my life that i'm quite sure about. God has been drawing blueprints for my future, and has been gradually revealing more and more of His plan to me. and the more that He shows to me, the more I realize how perfectly He makes things work.

and maybe one day i'll reveal some of these things to the general public, but for now, i'll keep them to myself.

[listening to: different names for the same thing - death cab for cutie]

[mood: so incredibly sleeeeeepyy]

the freeway in the sky

a very tragic thing happened during this past week. as i was driving home from honea path, my dear automobile broke down. ordinarily, this would be a somewhat typical occurence. however, the smoke billowing from the hood of my car began to worry me (along with the fact that my engine coolant was boiling). i openly admit to the world that i am no mechanic. i hope i don't disappoint my future wife when she discovers that i can't heal cars like some guys my age can - maybe i should begin educating myself.

with the aid of my dear sister and brother-in-law, we cooled the car down some and we were able to crank it (it wasn't as easy as it may sound. it took a while to do). i hurriedly drove to timothy stumbo's house and parked it there. it was later towed to an auto place (Crider, across from Bruster's) where the assessed the damage. i soon found out that the car couldn't be repaired, and that it would never be driven again. don't get me wrong - a car is a car, and it would be a little bit creepy if i were to get really really sad about this. but seeing as this was my first car ever, i definitely have some sentimental attachment to it. i cleaned out all of my belongings from it and surrendered it to be towed to the junkyard.

and that's that.

i was thinking today, and realized that it will only be a little over 2 months before i graduate. craaaazy. aaand, each month before i graduate, i have something to look forward to. in the month of march, i'll be meeting up with one of my best friends in the world, Nathan Quinley, who I have known since elementary school in the Philippines. I'll be traveling with him to north carolina to play for a worship conference. i'm quite excited. and during the month of april, i'll be lucky enough to go see death cab for cutie play in atlanta, georgia. that will be another "lifetime goal" to be checked off my list.


and life has been pretty wonderful lately.

i was at peace with the world

i had grand plans for this morning. i was to wake up early (which I did), get ready for school quickly (which i also did), and do some homework from the day before. whenever i awoke at 6:30, i glanced over my homework and realized that i had finished what was assigned, and i had woken up reaaaallly early for no reason. however, i was wide awake, so i continued with my "getting ready" ritual. at about 7:20 (when i usually get my shower), i left my house, plugging along in my faithful buick lesabre, not knowing exactly where i was going. it was faaar to early to go to school - as i passed the parking lot, i noticed that it was completely empty, so i continued driving. i had so much time on my hands.

as i kept driving (in no particular direction), i noticed the sky. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it was one of the prettiest sunrises i've ever seen, because i've seen some sunrises that would knock you off of your feet (really). i don't even know if it would make my Top 8 Sunrises. but there was something about it that just made me feel so reassured of God's direction in my life. and so i kept driving in the direction of the sunset. i let it fill up my windshield. at one point, i parked and just sat looking at it. i've never felt more encouraged about the direction i'm heading, just because i know that God is leading me there.

somehow, this managed to be one of the best morning's of my year. in fact, this has probably been the best month of my year. probably.

i started reading through first corinthians the other night. i've always had an awfully hard time being faithful to reading the Bible nightly. i either simply forget, or get in bed too late to even bother. for some reason, it has been different for the past couple of days. despite how late i've been getting in bed, or how much my mind isn't geared towards reading the Bible whatsoever, God always reminds me. He even pushes me. last night, I plopped into bed, turned off the lights, and closed my eyes. as I was drifting into a dream, one thought popped into my head. "Bible". i won't pretend that I smiled, flipped on the lights, hopped out of bed, and began reading cheerfully. I was so comfortably nestled within my blankets and pillows, I had no desire to move - but I did. I turned on my lamp and lay in bed and read 1 Corinthians 4. and it didn't take away from my rest. I slept deeply and woke up immediately when my alarm clock went off (earlier than I ever set it. ever)

anyhow. most of this post is irrelevant. but i needed to write something.
now i'm off to do homework and to get ready to go to Columbia for band practice. yes.



[listen to: "shattered" - remy zero]

show!

next weekend, on friday the 24th, the fish factory here in greenwood is hosting the first annual JNP Show. there will be several bands playing, including Sunny Blunder, This Bright Pilgrimage, and the Springdales.

it's going to begin at around 7:32, so don't be late. i hope to see everyone there :)

what to do

i went and ate lunch at amanda's house this afternoon, and watched the second "Lost" disc. or at least most of it. she and lauren had to leave before the last episode finished, so we decided to finish it later. both of them, along with tim, J.R. and nina, left at about 4:30 today to go to Atlanta to hear Cary Brothers and the Fray play. i'm too young to do things like that. so i'm here at home, feeling rather down-in-the-dumps, so to speak.

i was thinking about going to the boy's game in Clinton tonight, but Justin and Anna are also coming in tonight from their honeymoon, so I'd kind of like to be around to see them. so, i suppose i'll just be around here.

i've been writing alot of music lately. which is good. i'm planning finishing several of them and recording them in the next few weeks. i hope. i always seem to get behind in that area, and i just keep putting it off. but then again, it's not like i don't have anything else to do with my time, because i definitely do.

God has been strengthening me alot lately through trials and the like. it seems that the more struggle that one is faced with, there is more opportunity for growth. my mindset about alot of things is pretty naive, i suppose, which explains how i've struggled with certain things lately.

weeeelllll. i'm going to end this before i make this post too exciting. haha. i hope everyone has a fantastic day.

we're sleeping in a cloud

lately, i feel like i've been being "tested" in lots of different ways. in some cases, it's the kind of thing where you tell yourself, "surely, it wouldn't get any worse than this". then somehow, it does. however, in the midst of the chaos that has become my life, i have been able to find peace in God's will and the fact that He's leading me where He wants me to go. it just gets so hard sometimes.

and then there are other parts of my life where I feel that I've been given way more than I deserve. and I know that I have. I just hope I don't waste what I've been given.

there goes my hero

here i sit. it's 11:53 PM on a friday night. i'm exhausted, but i know that if i were to go to my bed and try to sleep, i'd toss and turn. in the past week, my family's life has been flipped upside down. and God's faithfulness has been more evident than ever before. there are times when i really just want to sit down and cry - and to be honest, there have been times that i have. other times, i just want to stand on a box in the middle of the street, and yell to the world, "Stop!". Doesn't anyone realize what has happened? It seems like everyone should pause with what they are doing, and just be quiet for awhile. No - life goes on. And sometimes, the only way to move on, is to do it while holding the hand of God.

In the past couple of months, my grandfather's health has quickly gone downhill. He hadn't been to a hospital (besides normal checkups) since 1942. In other words, he was the picture of good health. He exercised daily, read books, kept a garden, painted, and cooked - just to name a few. My grandpa also served in World War II, and was stationed in places like Japan, the Philippines, and New Guinea. He was the best son, father, brother, and grandfather anyone could ask for. He was my hero.

A few months ago, my grandpa went in to the hospital to have a heart catherization done. Technically, I'm not sure what all that involves, but I felt confident that it wouldn't be a big deal, and he'd be out of the hospital in a few days. A couple of nights after he left the hospital, he developed a sudden blood clot in his leg, and had to be rushed to the emergency room. While there, the doctors discovered some abnormalities with his heart, which we had known about, but weren't aware of how the problem had progressed. My grandma and grandpa moved into our home, and lived with us - we felt that it would be safer this way, so that we could all be close together.

The time that I have been able to spend with my grandpa over the last several weeks have been priceless. A relative so rightly stated, "When Paul wrote Galatians 5 (The Fruits of the Spirit), he had Wallace in mind". Grandpa cared so much for others, and so little for himself. I'm so proud to be named after him. Maybe someday, I'll live up to even just a little bit of the legacy that my grandpa has left behind.

One week ago today, my grandpa had a cardiac arrest. He stopped breathing for a short period of time, but my mom was able to revive him until the paramedics arrived. He was placed in CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) and kept on a ventilator, to assist his breathing. We made the decision to take him off of the ventilator, according to his wishes - and he began to breathe on his own, but with much effort.

He was moved to the Hospice Care Center early this week, which is where he stayed until yesterday evening. At about 5:50 PM, my grandpa, Cleve Wallace Holmes, went to be with the Lord. This has been the hardest loss I have ever experienced - nothing compares to the hurt I feel inside after losing him. I count myself blessed, though, to have been able to maintain a close relationship with him, and to be able to have spent such precious time with him before he died.

Only 10 minutes before he died, I was able to play guitar for my grandpa one last time. I don't know if he could hear me or not - and I don't know if I ever will. But I'd like to think that he did hear, and that the music that I played was able to usher him into the Lord's arms. It meant alot to me - God's timing is absolutely perfect.

I appreciate everyone who has been there for my family and myself over the past few days. Your friendships are invaluable to us. I'm resting in the peace that God has given me in the fact that my grandpa is now healed, and is fellowshiping with his Creator in paradise - and will do so for eternity.

fragile masks of faith

If you were to approach an average brother or sister in Christ and ask of them "Do you have faith in God?", how do you believe they would respond? Aside from the initial confusion that they may show due to your boldness, I believe they would say something like this: "Well, sure I do. I mean, I'm a Christian. I try to trust God in everything that I do."

Many Christians glide through life clinging to a faith in God that is paperthin. "Everything I do", the activity noted by the fictional Christian above, consists of, well, the usual. You know, going to school, going to church, enduring the occasional spat with peers. Maybe a little bit of suffering, every now and then. We trust God in areas like our schoolwork, our grades, and whatever other concerns that may arise in our everyday lives, which by no means is the wrong thing to do. However, how much trust is really involved in those avenues of life? My question is: when do we really trust? I believe that our faith, as Christians, can only be adequately confirmed when we are faced with suffering that requires a dependence on something besides our own strength. It is then when our true loyalties are revealed, and whether or not we are willing to place our best interests in the hands of our Heavenly Father.

I don't aim to condemn Christians who are wearing their faith like fragile masks. Because if that were my goal, then I'd really be condemning myself. I only mean to challenge those who are in need inspiration, and to encourage those who are in the grip of discouragement. For if our faith lies in anything besides the power of God, then we are ill-equipped to withstand the flames that we will be faced with.

In the book of Romans 5:3-4, it says this: "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation". What is God's purpose in suffering? It is to make us stronger - to fortify the stronghold that He is building in our hearts. It serves as preparation for what ever else we may face in life. However, we can walk in confidence knowing that Christ has prepared us a way in life - one that may not be easy - but has been divinely planned.

Don't cash in your hope in Christ for the stale, temporary hope found in this world. I'd advise everyone to read the first part of Romans 5 (not just the verse that i cited). Don't let your faith become weak because it isn't in use. If you aren't facing hardship, pray for those who are. However, be prepared to lean on God whenever trials emerge - for He is the only foundation that will be left standing when the dust settles.

breaking like a window

i decided to post something before even knowing what i'd post. and i began this paragraph not knowing exactly what it would contain. i seem to have a knack for restating things. i come up with creative little similes and metaphors to describe life, and in each post, i come up with a new one, just so i don't feel like i'm saying the same thing over and over (which i really do), and so that my faithful readers don't get bored (most of you probably already are).

i like similes and metaphors, i guess. so that's why i use them so much.

i've eaten two meals in the past two days. i feel so sick. and so not-hungry. i don't know what's going on. on second thought, i actually have a pretty good idea, but i dare not try to type about it for fear of feeling worse. bleh.

i've been somewhat infatuated with a certain album lately. this album is entitled "how the lonely keep", by terminal. i'm usually not too crazy about harder music, but terminal happens to be an exception. the music is well thought out, along with the lyrics. and it's just rockin'. give "foster", "dark", or "wisher" a listen. or the whole album.

the last 4 "paragraphs" have begun with 'i'. i am humiliated to be so self-centered. despite my intentions to live with others in mind, it's obvious that i'm failing, because my mind seems to flip around and focus on myself more often than not. i wish changing was easier.

if i were the sort of person who is able to make new year's resolutions and keep them, i'd resolve to do the following:

• be genuine
• put the interests of others above my own
• pray earnestly
• work diligently

the list actually goes on a lot longer than that. but those are some that i've been thinking about alot recently.

i might write more later.

the final semester

in two days, i will begin my final semester of high school. the reality of that statement still hasn't completely hit me, i don't think. but it's a crazy thought. and i feel much more inclined to work my tail off this semester moreso than any other, just because this is the last one.

and boy, it will be quite a semester. i'm taking chemistry and algebra II from GCS. both of those classes are considerably challenging - chemistry more than algebra, i believe. i am also taking english 101 and computer from piedmont tech. and government independently. i have a hard road ahead of me. feel free to send me notes, balloons, and cash donations.

today is a rainy day, which is nice, until you have to do things outdoors. then it sort of spoils everything. but i'm thinking that the rain won't last forever, so that's okay.

i was thinking about going to see 'memoirs of a geisha' tonight. i've heard that it was good, and it looks good. but i don't think i'm going to. maybe another night. but annyyyways.

i was in greenville last week (at the mall) and locked my keys in my car. it was incredibly humiliating, and i really hope that i never do it again - but i know i will. i just need to get one of those spare key holders that you can hide underneath your car. then i'll always be prepared.

hmm. i thought that i had more to write, but apparently i don't.

so maybe more later.