driving on ice

i had an utterly interesting "first" in my driving experience this afternoon while taking out the trash. before i continue, though, i'll set the scene. i woke up this morning to most of my yard being covered with snow-like ice. when i say snow-like, it means that the only thing about it that's like snow is its appearance. while touching it, you realize that it's much harder and thicker than snow. for some reason, where i live we just got this rotten icy downfall during the night, while the rest of the city of greenwood recieved full-fledged snow. anyhow, back to the story: my mom wanted me to drive the van to the dump to drop the trash off. neither of us knew if it would actually be open in this weather, but i decided to go anyways. as i drove, i realized that in order to maintain safe control of the vehicle, i had to limit my speed to about 25 miles an hour. if i absent-mindedly drifted to anywhere above 35, the van would skid around on the road... which happened more than once. when i was about 2 miles away from my house, and two miles from the dump ( a perfect place for something like this to happen ) i noticed that the visibility on my windshield was becoming awful. apparently, the tiny drops of water that were falling on the glass were rapidly freezing. i tried using my windshield wipers to clear my vision, which only made it worse. it came to a point that i had to roll down the window and stick my head out, braving the fierce arctic winds so that i could see where i was going. i was finally able to skid and turn into a back road so that i could try to wipe off my windshield. "wiping off my windshield" consisted of me using my fingernails to break the impossibly frozen substance that simply wouldn't remove itself from my van. finally, after contracting hypothermia, i was able to clear about one square inch of somewhat transparent glass so that i would be able to reach the dump safely.

luckily, once i began driving again, i instinctively tried my wipers again, and to my delight, they began to clear up the rest of the windshield... and as it began to rain more, more of the ice melted. i made it home safely, somehow.

the dream of evan and chan

So, today my mom asked me what my plans were for college. Do I know? No. I still have at least a year to think about it, but I'd really like to have something planned out - just so that I know. When people have asked in the past, I've told them something within the realm of music, art, and writing. Okay, music. I play it alot. And I enjoy it alot. But what would I do with it if I were to major in it? I wouldn't want to teach. I mean, I could, but I'm really not interested in that aspect. The main thing would be performance. and even then, i don't know.

Art. I just really... like it. I've never been very good, and I don't know enough about it to even consider it as a future field of study. I think the Art field is usually reserved to those who have an ounce of natural ability, which I don't, really. I guess even if only to broaden my horizons, I should start drawing/painting again sometime soon.

Writing. This seems like the most probable major for me. Although, I'm still not really sure yet. Due to a terrible assortment of English teachers for the past few years, I have learned next to nothing in grammar and such. Even in my english class this year, people are talking about present participals, verbals, and what-not. I never learned any of it. I feel foolish being interested in writing and not having a clue what they're talking about. We'll see, I suppose.

This week marks the beginning of Steven Holmes playing "catch-up" in school. It's going to be a definite uphill battle trying to make up for the past couple weeks of backsliding that I've been doing, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

My eyes desire rest, as does my mind, body, and soul. So I'm going to call it a night.

miraculous

two rather miraculous things have happened in the past two days, and both clearly show God's hand in my life.

first of all, many of you know that I'm planning to embark on the Costa Rica missions trip in March with my school. I was meant to write letters to various people in order to raise support (possibly), however, I seemed to fall behind and not get around to it (due in part to my procrastination). This past Friday, money was due. Somehow, I was able to get the required amount in order to pay Todd, but it will require alot of work for me to pay the debt off. In other words, I'm hard on money, and attaining the last bit of money for the trip will also be an interesting struggle. However, yesterday evening, as I was arriving at GCS for the basketball games, I passed Todd in the hall, and he stopped me, informing me that someone had anonymously donated $100 to me for the trip. God's provision is absolutely amazing. I am so blessed. I don't know what else could have prompted this persons heart besides the Holy Spirit, because seeing as I haven't sent out letters, no one really knows that I'm in need - or even going, for that matter.

This second event pertains much more to my actual well-being than the last. Two nights ago, I was driving home, and I was going down a hill towards a stop sign at a very reasonable speed, however, as I held my foot on the brake, it didn't seem to be slowing my down adequately enough to be stopped by the time I got to the stop sign. So I pressed harder. I ended up skidding completely past the stop sign, thankfully, there were no cars coming. It was a rather frightening experience, but I dismissed it as merely being my mis-calculating my speed and stopping distance. I was quite cautious for the rest of the drive, though. Since then, I've not noticed anything really weird about the brakes, except that they weren't very good. But again, I thought it may have been that I just wasn't use to them. This morning, as my dad was driving to work, the brakes were gone in the car. So, he had to turn it around and leave it at home and drive another vehicle. God spared me. If it weren't for His hand of protection over me, I could be in a terrible spot right now - badly injured, or even dead. This makes me realize God's power even more than I did before. God's love is too marvelous to be fathomed.

the things to come...

i have a pretty good feeling about this semester. although i'm tired, worn out, procrastinating (as we speak), and in a complete dislike for school itself - i have this suspicion that things are going to turn out well, and there will be more that happens than i expect. i'd like to plant myself as much as possible in the Word of God this semester, and constantly be thinking to myself to have a Christlike attitude towards every situation. I tried it today, and it has turned out to be one of the most challenging things I've ever done. Almost every ten minutes I'd catch myself doing or saying something that was completely opposite from what I was trying to do. I challenge all of you to try this as well - not in a preachy "holier than thou" way, but just as one Christian to another. It has made me think about my attitude towards people, and my attitude towards life in general.

[note: I know at least one person has noticed this in my life - it appears that I fluctuate alot. One day I may be living for myself - for the moment - and doing what pleases myself. Then suddenly I've transformed into some sort of spiritual machine. I'd like to point out that I'm not trying to put on a mask and pretend that I'm a perfect person or that I'm always doing the right thing. I'm not. I'm human, and humans make mistakes. I'm sure there will be thousands of other instances that I go through a "me" phase, and then I'll be drawn back by the Spirit of God. God doesn't expect us to be perfect - all that He asks is that we surrender our hearts to Him in worship, and to put forth every ounce of our energy furthering His Kingdom. When mistakes happen, they happen, and we are to repent, and we then discover new depths to God's unending mercy. It has happened countless times to me. Anyhow, I've probably gone further than I intended to, but I just didn't want give the wrong impression in whatever I've been writing, because there have certainly been misunderstandings in the past.]


I was able to get my waiver today. Unfortunately, while taking my new license picture, my incredible lack of photogenic-ness shone as brightly as day. That's all that really needs to be said. Needless to say, only my closest friends and relatives will be given the privilege of viewing this horror, and be allowed to scoff me to no end.

Wow, anyways, I've procrastinated far too long, and I need to do my reading for Anatomy and Physiology. Wonderful.

boy, was i wrong.

some people can be so incredibly immature, i don't understand it. but whatever. all i can do is treat them how i'd want to be treated, no more, no less. haha, i'm really only posting this so i can vent. but it doesn't seem to be working out very well.

i learned how to drive a stick shift today. aren't you proud? i'm kind of proud of myself, however, i hope that my knowing how to drive manual transmission won't put me into a position where i have to drive the Brown Truck to school. because that would be awful.

i've gone to the Y for three days in a row. can someone say discipline? hahah.

well, i have Fusion practice this evening. i haven't played at Fusion in quite awhile, so it should be fun. however, i'll have a bit of work to do when i get home for school... which will be anything but fun.

i'm off.

shine

i must admit that i've been doing awful lately. those who have been around me have surely noticed. however, every night must eventually become day - and it seems that i'm finally finding a way from my misery. God is simply amazing. i don't know how else to say it, except that He's reignited my love for Him. I know that struggles lay waiting ahead, but I feel like I am better prepared in approaching them. I'm not sure, but I do hope that there is noticeable difference in my life - or that I continue to strive for God's will for me.

anyhow, i need to shower. i feel ugly. more later.

and the buzzer sounds. 

fountain. 

britain. 

i'm not sure what it is about this picture that i like.... i just like it. 

emotions overrun

well, i passed. i'm ecstatic, but i'm having a terrible time expressing my happiness through writing. i've never had this problem in the past, so i'm not really sure what the problem is. for those of you who don't automatically know what i mean when i say "i passed", it means that i took the road test, and didn't fail. therefore, i am allowed to drive by myself. tomorrow i hope to get a waiver, permitting me to drive "whenever". after school today, i drove ashby, stephen, jonathan, and myself to sonic, then we went to church. it was enjoyable, especially being able to drive.

i have a terrible feeling that i'm becoming a person that i don't want to be. nowadays, i feel that i'm cynical, quick-to-judge, pessimistic, and confrontational [if any of you know me, you know that i'm not ever confrontational]. why? i couldn't tell you. but i miss the way that i used to be. i've honestly never felt like this before, and it just feels like things are beginning to fall apart. i honestly don't know what to do, so i could definitely use prayers. not only am i feeling uneasy emotionally, i also haven't been very "good" academically as of late - nor have i been taking care of myself physically. what is happening to me? so many questions receiving so few answers. things are a mess, and i'm having trouble knowing how to begin to turn the situation around.

i hate to repeat things that i've already said, but i just don't feel like myself.

pictures

i've just finished adding a few pictures. for anyones information, by clicking on them, they are enlarged, thus producing much better quality. i'd highly advise it.

jonathan, contemplative.  

felipe, hiding. 

... 

gray sky. 

tides of frustration

i had the sudden urge to write, so here i am, writing. i'm a bit frustrated at the moment. i'm incredibly eager to take my driving test [ultimately winning me an enviable license]. however, after i've finally cleared the hurdles of drivers ed, and waiting the 6 months of holding my learners permit, i'm not able to find a time to actually go in and take it. i know i should be patient and wait, but i've been waiting for half a year, and i'm ready to just.... get the blasted thing. grr.

i'm not doing too dapper in geometry. i scored a 68 on the first quiz of the year [laugh all you want.] i suppose i must become more relentless in studying than before. if you were to ask me which i preferred between geometry and algebra, i'd choose algebra hands down. i'm not sure why. it just seemed so much easier. the freshman are showing me up - and that's not a good feeling.

i feel like i'm turning into a big dirty mess. i'm not sure. let me know if someone else notices it.

my body has made a routine of its own. everyday after lunch, i feel awfully sick. i'm confident that it has nothing to do with what i eat, because many times i've eaten perfectly healthy food, and still felt dumpily. i wish i knew the cause...

i'm now going to take a shower, eat a meager selection of food for dinner, then do homework. i hope this finds everyone well.

give me a break, seriously

i am so incredily tired of people blaming me for things that i've never done or said. i'm tired of being the one at fault. the only way that i can see fit to respond to such conflicts is to be calm and try not to say things that i'll regret.

i really think that i'm getting sick. and it's over one stupid thing.

i'm done.

i'm okay, somehow

this semester presents an interesting challenge. it's going to require of me things that i haven't always been willing to give of myself - discipline, hard work, and motivation. not only will these three things help me in succeeding and surviving second semester of my 10th grade year, but also throughout the rest of my life.

it's not going to come instantly. rather, through late nights when i'd rather be sleeping than doing my geometry homework. or through the hours i commit to memorization of the structures of the human body. and through willingness to apply myself in spanish, despite my growing dislike for it.

the challenges that await me in the days to come seem tremendous - however, with God's help, I can hopefully attain the strengths that I need to reach the end.

i hope that everyone's semester has begun well and continues to do so until the final day...

as for me..i'm going to bed. goodnight...

education looms drearily overhead

today is my first day back at school after Christmas break. i won't lie and say that i'm excited about it, because i'm not... if you can believe that. ahem. okay. but for some reason, the more i think about it, the less i am dreading it. i mean, i have none of the same classes as last semester. granted, i'll have a couple of the same teachers, but only for a good reason. and i'll have mostly different classmates - which is a prospect that i enjoy. and plus - the first day of school is usually a breeze. i'm not expecting much of anything to go on today that will require much effort from me, i'm just not really ready to get back into the swing of things.


this christmas break has been wonderful.

children, control yourselves.

i'm tired of people being mean to others for no reason beyond "disliking" the way someone is. so what if someone dresses, talks, walks, thinks, speaks, etc etc etc differently than you? curse them? great idea. that's like making fun of someone that is born disabled [which people actually do, believe it or not]. let people live their lives, and unless they harm you personally, let's keep to ourselves. why bother going to the trouble of fighting with them if you don't like them? just put a lid on it.

i don't know what else to say. i probably said alot of things that are a little different than how i actually feel, but i'm going to leave this unedited. i'm too tired and confused with life to go back and look for errors.

thought for the road: bashing people over the internet [on xanga sites, etc.] is lame. don't do it.

i don't feel any different

it's 2005. what's going to happen this year? so much has happened in the last 48 hours. are we meant to live in regrets? or view potential regrets as life-experiences that will better prepare us for future situations? not saying that i have any regrets or anything silly like that...

i know how to play texas hold 'em. so now whenever any of you have a big card playing party, you can invite me. if you had asked me to play 2 days ago, i would have refused, on the grounds that "i don't play cards". thanks to the instruction of justin hall, i now play cards.

i'm not good or anything, i just know how to play.

i don't really feel like typing anything at the moment. i'm not in a bad mood, but i'm not in a mood in which i want to write everything that's on my mind (like i usually do)...

school starts on tuesday. as of today, i can officially get my restricted license, however, i can't do so until piedmont tech sends me my drivers ed papers. one more thing, today is ashby's birthday, so if you see him, give him a hug.


bye.