so this is the new year

so many things have happened in the past year. i'm sure you will all be disappointed to know that i'm not going to take the time to reflect on everything that has come to pass, but i don't feel that it is entirely necessary. however, i can say with confidence that i see God's hand in my life. He shows me something new every day, whether I admit to it or not.

in less than 7 days, I am going to be leaving for the Philippines for 5 months. i think that the reality of this trip has sort of snuck up on me. only recently have i realized that i really am leaving. and i really will be gone for five whole months. i'm excited. i'm scared. i'm overjoyed. i'm apprehensive. this is going to be the first time i've truly been 'on my own' for such an amount of time.

i've had a wonderfully relaxed celebration of the new year. i hope all of you have had one as fabulous as mine.

i'll post more soon. count on it.

God is so big.

Rubber Soul

My favorite all-time record by The Beatles is "Rubber Soul". I can't offer an explanation for why I feel this way. I know that many other people prefer other albums, and I won't argue with them. Because you can't really go wrong with too many albums by this band. Each is classic in its own way. I grew up on "Rubber Soul", and I believe that may have alot to do with why I am so in love with it. To me, this album epitomizes everything that The Beatles are to me. The brilliant melodies. The pop sensibility. The innovative guitar work. So many of the elements on this album are so inconspicuous. Which is what I think makes it so fabulous.

For anyone who hasn't heard any of this album, I urge you to soon.

someone got a haircut

the december that wasn't december

So far, this December has been a big let-down. I know that it's only the 1st and that there is plenty of December left, but I don't want to hear any excuses. It feels more like April outside, and that is unacceptable. I don't want to be a stick in the mud, but the one of the surest signs that winter has arrived is when it actually feels like winter. This December has alot of explaining to do.

Also, I have recently realized that I have but 5 short little measly weeks left in the United States of America. I leave for the Philippines on January the 7th (if everything goes as planned) and I will return at the beginning of June. And I can't wait.

crossroads.

so. my trial with .mac is practically over. and i enjoyed it alot. but about in the middle of my trial period, alot of things came up and i wasn't really able to use it like i wanted. oh well. here i am, back again. now that i think about it, it will probably be easier for everyone to access this page.

so i believe that i have come to a crossroad in life. i have never felt more assured of God's presence in my life but i have never felt so scared to face the future before. so many things have happened in the past month. the opening of doors. the slamming shut of doors. and the cracking of a few windows, too.

i am trying to approach these changes with a fresh perspective. i don't want to dwell too much on the past, because there is so much ahead of me. but i don't want to leave some things behind.

on the horizon.

watch out! ---> click.

Deuteronomy 6:25
And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness.

counting miles

i think that when i stopped posting for a short while, i fooled everyone that used to read this blog into thinking that i was never going to post again. because this is clearly a "post", that idea can be lay to rest. laid to rest. layed to rest. somebody help me out here. this blog isn't "dead", i just got tired of posting/writing/being consistent there for awhile. i'm not sure if the fact that i am now posting means that there has been a reversal of feelings, but it may very well mean that. we'll wait and see how things turn out.

i'm getting distracted by things. i can't finish this post.

listen to the ben kweller song "run". it's new, and i think that it is good.

it's getting colder

i woke up at about 8:45 this morning because i have alot of things to do today, one of which is finishing cutting my yard. it seems like i am cutting grass alot these days, and i'm not sure why that is. i don't really think that the grass in my yard grows faster than anyone elses, but maybe it does. i cut grass about once a week, and we have a gigantic yard. it takes awhile. i'm lazy so it usually takes two days. i could probably do it in one.

after i woke up this morning, i ate breakfast, and sort of sat around for about an hour. and then i walked outside to move some lawn furniture so that i could cut the grass. when i stepped outside, i realized that the temperature is definitely changing. it certainly isn't "cold" yet, but i'm sure it would constitute as "chilly", at least. in the philippines, we'd probably consider it cold. there is a place in the philippines called "Baguio" that my family would go around Christmas time. Baguio is in the mountains and usually is colder than the temperature in the city. it made us feel more "at home" (home in the United States, that is) having Christmas in cold weather, because that's what we had become used to. but after living there for so long, it's hard to know which place to call home - if i'm allowed to, i'll just call both home. anyways, the point i was getting to was that Baguio wasn't really that cold. i think it may have gotten down to the 60s on good nights. but i'm not even sure if it got that low. i always thought it was going to snow.

i'm actually sitting outside as we speak, thanks to the miracle of wireless internet. it's actually quite relaxing. it would be moreso if my psychotic three-legged dog wasn't rolling around like a lunatic at my feet.

well, i'm going to finish moving things in the yard so i can go ahead and begin to cut.

have a happy tuesday.

this was our entrance; now it's our exit

Sometimes I'm not sure that I really know what I'm doing with my life. I just want to be sure that my plans are lining up with God's will. It's not that anything has happened lately to make me think otherwise, but sometimes I just wonder. And I suppose that this "wondering" that I do is simply a mechanism of my human nature. So I usually try to shrug it off, telling myself that "it's natural". And I think that it is.

I am actually more excited that I thought I'd be to just get on with things. While I am enjoying the ministry that I am involved with right now, and by no means do I feel like I am wasting my time, I kind of want to just go ahead and dive into college. But I truly feel drawn to spend January-May with my old class in Manila. Which I am very very highly anticipating.

I'm sleepy.

somewhere a clock is ticking...

I journeyed along with a few friends into downtown Atlanta last night to see Augustana and Snow Patrol perform at the Tabernacle. I believe that this was my third show to attend at the Tabernacle. I enjoyed it alot. The performances were very good - despite some technical issues beyond the band's control during Snow Patrol's set (the malfunctions didn't take away from my enjoyment of the music whatsoever). I have a new appreciation for Snow Patrol. It isn't that I didn't appreciate them before last night, but I think sometimes (for me at least) it takes a live performance to really open up my eyes to a band's music. I like alot more of their first cd now.

I'm about to head out to the prayer house, but I wanted to post something about last night before I lose all initiative to do so. So there you have it.

Oh, also - Come and hear Kelley McCravy and Y/our Sparkle Heart play tomorrow night at the Black Cow. I'm not absolutely positive what time it starts, but if you're planning on coming, let me know, and I'll give you the time.


have a terrific thursday night.

panicbox

I have a good friend named Gerry whom I have known since I was but a tot swinging from coconut trees in the Philippines. Gerry is Chinese and Canadian, and she's a remarkable artist.

And great with web design.



Above is a sample of one of her vectors.

Visit http://panicbox.net/ for her full portfolio.

Enjoy!

the sun will rise

right now i'm hunkered down in a waiting area inside the Greenville airport, making use of the free wireless internet, awaiting my departure time. tragically, my flight to Nashville today was cancelled (I was originally supposed to fly out at 7:25). Now I'm leaving at like 10:30. It's 6:10 now. Hoorah. I woke up this morning at 3:20, so I'm a little sleepy. For some reason, instead of going through Atlanta as I was originally meant to do, I am now going through Cincinatti. Don't ask me why. I'm puzzled, but the whole airline system is a pretty puzzling thing.

so i'm listening to music and finding ways to pass the time. I should have brought a portable croquet set. The terminal would be a perfect spot to play.

anyways, i'll be in nashville until sunday visiting a friend along with belmont college. i have a tour this afternoon at 2, and i meet with admissions people at 3. i'm pretty excited about seeing the campus and talking to some people. i'll eventually post about trip.

well, i've run out of things to say, so that's all for now.

hope everyone has a smashing friday morning.

shoo!

first and foremost, happy monday to all. i hope everyone's week has gotten off on the right foot. or something. mine has, i suppose. and i only "suppose" because i don't know how it could have started any better - which i guess can be both good and bad. all is well.

i went for a jog this afternoon after work. the combined heat and humidity made me feel like i was running through the sahara desert on ice skates. i ran as far as my legs (and rest of my body, for that matter) would allow me, and then i stopped. i didn't want to over do it - i haven't ran consistently in like 5 months. maybe more. maybe less. but it has been awhile. i hope to run 3 days a week if i can. i usually break my goal after the first day, but i'm going to try my best to follow through...

speaking of work - things are going pretty well. i've been working anywhere between 40 and 50 hours a week, and often times, saturday is included in that count. which is sad. but it makes my wallet happy (heh.....). i find the most discouraging part of my job is having shards of aluminum shoot from the sawblade towards my body. the pain that these shards inflict are the equivalent (if not moreso) to the sting of a 2 pound hornet. i usually try to step away from the saw if i'm sawing something that i know sends of lots of debris, but today it seemed that i forgot. alot. the favored target of the afternoon was my neck. needless to say, i'm learning my lesson quickly.

another lesson i'm learning is that i'm not cut out to work in a place like Cooper. i don't know if it is a matter of me not being man enough or what. if nothing else, working at Cooper for these few months is giving me incentive to go to college. yahoo.

nowww, speaking of college. i was recently (a few months ago) reminded by a friend of a college in Nashville called Belmont, which has a flourishing music scene and strong programs of study involving music and such. I had known about the school before. I'm just not sure why I never gave it a second glance. I checked their website, and as it turns out, it has a Music Business degree, which is something that i have sort of had my eye out for. I'm planning on visiting a friend who lives in Nashville (and is also considering Belmont) next month to take a look around. I'll keep you posted.

whewwf. well. i think i'm done for now. if anything comes to mind, i'll be back. maybe.

- Steven

take care

Me oh my.

It has been quite a week, and it's not even over yet. If I had a tail at the beginning of this week, I would no longer have it, because I would have certainly worked it off. I've been working like a maniac. But it's all good. the weekend is getting closer with every second. hoorah.

So. I thought I had something to post about. but i really don't. maybe i'll remember later on or something.

oh yeah - Amanda gets home on Monday! yessss. good times are a'comin. and for anyone who didn't know, she has been in Brazil for the past two weeks, and has been missed dearly by... well... pretty much everyone.


and that's all i have for right now. more later.

manly man

i startled myself when i got home from work the other day and looked in the mirror. the reflection that i saw was of a dirty, dusty working man, wielding a tape measure, work gloves, and safety glasses. i went to Cooper at 7 o'clock on thursday (last thursday) morning not knowing what to expect. since that morning, i have been drained of a whole lot of energy. but all is well, and i'm finally actually making money. the last time i had a steady job was when i wore red visors and scooped overpriced ice-cream.

on thursday i worked from 7am-3:30pm.
on friday i worked from 5am-1pm.
on saturday i worked from 5am-1pm.
yesterday (monday), i worked from 7am-5:30pm
and today, i worked from 7am-5:30pm again.

i was filled with the urge to display my work schedule so far, just so that you (loved audience) can get a general impression of how things have been this past week.

i am a saw man. i saw aluminum, galvanized and stainless steel, fiberglass, and whatever else the world throws my way. the basic scheme is that i am given stacks upon stacks of work orders. these work orders have diagrams and such telling the kind and quantity of material i need, what length to cut, and how many cuts to make. i do this all day long.

one of the trickiest parts of this process is obtaining the material. i'm working in a gigantic warehouse/factory, and there are gigantic aluminum beams and tubing lining the wall behind me. there is also a gigantic crane that moves back and forth overhead from one point of the warehouse to another. this crane is attached to the ceiling, and there is a remote that hangs from it (in case you were wondering). to gather material, one must tie a strap to the middle of a giant bulk of aluminum (or whatever) and then operate the crane so that it is nearly directly over the strap. i noticed a resemblance to the 'crane game' that can be found in arcades, but on a much larger and more dangerous scale. the hook of the crane is then strapped to the material, and the operator must be sure that it is balanced, then try to guide it to it's desired destination. it isn't as easy as it sounds. in fact, it is quite frightening. it's just so big.

anyways. next monday, i'm supposed to be starting second shift. second shift is from 3:30 until midnight. from then on out, my social life will be in shambles. ho-hum. i need money more than a social life right now, anyways. i guess.

a tidal wave of fatigue has just washed over me. or crashed on top of me. or something. so i'm going to leave this computer screen before i have a seizure.


love, steven


ps. i haven't shaved in a week. lumberjack holmes!

carefree days are over

I just recieved a call from Executive Services. I start work at Cooper Power tomorrow at 7 o'clock.



Whew.

....

i have alot on my chest. it has started to feel like my own thoughts are drowning me in my head, so i figured that my best bet to rid myself of that feeling would be to unload all of my thoughts here, like i always do...

I'm not sure what it was. I was just overcome with a strange combination of nostalgia and conviction and a dash of insight all at the same time. I think that this feeling was birthed as a result of a conversation I had with a few friends earlier this evening and also reading over some old emails a few minutes ago. Sometimes I feel like this generation is losing touch with the meaning of 'integrity'. We've forgotten what it means to "stay as far from the line as possible" rather than "let's see how close we can get". Of course, as you move closer to the line, the line seems to slowly moves further away, then before you know it, you've crossed the original line that you said that you'd never cross. It's a simple concept, I just have trouble conveying things in simple terms.

I'm aware of the fact that people have their own interpretations of the law and what the Bible says and what is right and wrong. Sometimes it's difficult for me to see how some issues aren't just black and white. Because some certainly are in my mind. I suppose that I can only really go by the truth that I have found to be true in scripture and stick to that. God's Word is infallible. I just have to understand that my convictions can't be everyone else's convictions. My convictions are my convictions. And all of that is in God's department.

If anyone wants to contribute any words of wisdom, please do so.