First of all, the MacBook has arrived.













Hip hip hooray for Intel processors and build-in iSight cameras.

_________________________________

Second of all, I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what has happened to the world, but everything seems to be on the fast track towards a giant garbage disposal. It is almost as in the past two or three weeks there has been a climax of "bad" things happening, and sooner or later, I feel like everyone and everything is just going to explode.

Pray for peace.

under the weather

Since about noon today, I've had a sore throat. I'm not a huge fan of sore throats; I always feel like I'm suffocating. I hate to swallow, because when I do, it feels as though hot embers are being shoveled into my esophagus. Since noon, I've acquired a mild headache and a bit of warmth (not sure if it will reach a feverish point or not). Needless to say, there's nothing I want more than a tall glass of ice water and a comfy bed. And maybe a couple pain-killers.

Graduation is approaching swiftly, however, not swiftly enough for me. Pray that I'm able to endure. It's going to be close.

I've been patiently waiting for the rumored release of Apple's new MacBook. It is apparently the replacement for the current iBook - I've heard that it will run on an Intel processor, which will be a pleasant alternative the G4 PowerPC processor that they are known for functioning on. There was a rumor that it was going to be released on May 9th, but seeing as it is now May 10th, that rumor has been lay to rest. The two dates that are currently being ridden are next Tuesday, the 16th, or the 19th. Which is also my birthday. That would be splendid.


I'm weary.

[listening to: jack's mannequin]
[mood: sickly}

and today was a day just like any other

it was you i was thinking of

May!

I feel wretched for postponing posting (hmm) for such a long time. I've been pretty darn busy, which I guess is a good enough excuse.

Tomorrow is the first day of May. For me, May is a pretty eventful month. This May is going to be more eventful than it ever has been, I think. Tomorrow morning, I am traveling to Beaufort, South Carolina, to participate in the State Tennis Tournament, which I will swiftly lose. Logically, I'm not sure why exactly we're driving all the way there, because I'm pretty sure we all know what the outcome is going to be. Anyhow, I'm going to be playing #1, which is frightening, because I'm confident that playing Beaufort's #1 player is going to be similar to trying to fight off a 450 pound gorilla with a pixie stick. But hey, I get to miss school.

On the 6th of May (which is a Saturday), I take the SAT. I couldn't be less excited. I've never been too wonderful at taking tests, much less standardized tests. I always try to find patterns in the way that the little bubbles are filled in. Sometimes I hope that they will form a little picture of a bird or dog or something. If only.

After SATs, I drive to Columbia. Sunny Blunder will be playing that evening that the New Brookland Tavern, as a part of the second round of the Emergenza Music Festival. We're playing at 10:30, which is pretty late for a Saturday night. However, bands are eliminated by how few hands are raised in the audience at the end of each band's set. So if you'd like to see SB progress to the next round and eventually strike it big, you can buy tickets from Andy Crum for $12 (which is a little bit steep, but we didn't set the price. they did.)

On May 12, I'll be participating in the Homemade Genius show here in Greenwood. If any of you are familiar with the recent JNP Show that was at the Federal Building, the Homemade Genius show is very similar. I'll be playing there with This Bright Pilgrimage. I'll try to get more details soon.

Thennnn on May 19, I turn 18 years old. I plan on celebrating by stocking up on lottery tickets. Too bad there's not an election coming up.

And then the day we've all been waiting for: May 24 - The bonds of high school academia will be broken and I'll spread my wings and fly into the clear blue skies of independence. Sort of. But I'm thrilled that graduation is approaching so rapidly. It looks like all of my classes are wrapping up nicely, and hopefully, there won't be any stressful little curveballs thrown into my life at the last minute.

Whew. What a month this will be. I like May.


[i've been listening to: sufjan stevens, sigur ros, and the stills]

we looked like giants

Last night equaled one of the most glorious nights of my life. I stood thirty or so feet from one of the greatest songwriters that I know of - Ben Gibbard. Death Cab for Cutie is one of the most amazing bands that I have ever heard live, and I have a deepened respect for who they are. I am completely satisfied with my life as of right now.

Now let me tell you what I am not satisfied with. I was not satisfied with the band that opened for Death Cab last night. "The Cribs", they called themselves. More like..."The Bad-British-Brothers-Who-Wear-Ugly-Clothes Band". There are few things in life that I resent more than the 40 minutes of my life that I wasted watching them play. There were maybe 3 seconds of each song that they played, where if the instruments were mixed correctly, and I had my eyes closed, I might have enjoyed. Maybe. But those three seconds were overshadowed by the facts that the instruments weren't mixed well and I had my eyes open (and they didn't look all that great on stage).

Okay, that's all I'll say about that.

So I'm home alone for the weekend. I accidentally skipped Missions Day at school today. I feel like such a sinner. I mean, I know that I am a sinner. But, you know. More so. Kristian's family from Norway flew in on Wednesday, and they'll be visiting for two weeks. They all left (including my family) for Charleston yesterday. So I'm here until Sunday on my own. And then I go to the beach with some friends until Thursday. Which I am so very excited about.

Hey! It's Spring Break 2006! One month until graduation! (and my birthday!). Life is good.

the Dental Hygienist from the Pit of Doom

For most of you who know me, you should know that I've never enjoyed visiting the dentist. Now that I have braces, these dismal pilgrimages occur once every month. Typically, my "cleaning" and "wire-changing" dates are scheduled on separate dates, so that I don't get overwhelmed. As luck would have it, this month the two fell upon the same dark day.

Imagine being chained to a cold stone wall, deep in the dungeon of some French prison tower. Now imagine having your mouth pried open by a grubby block of wood and having little needles poked into your gums. Repeatedly poked. And now imagine having a repulsive paste scrubbed onto your teeth - it honestly felt like I was being force fed a bucket of sand - and the little grains were becoming permanently lodged between my bicuspids. I felt no improvement in the cleanliness of my mouth - in fact, I felt confident that they may have been using a reverse psychology method. Now that they've made my mouth dirtier than it has ever been, when I next brush my teeth, I'll feel like a new man through and through.

It makes me wonder about all of the people who rant and rave about how much they loooove the dentist. I mean, how much different could it possibly be? Fine, I'll admit it. My teeth are cleaner. And I'm grateful for that fact. However, I never crave the sensation of a metal pick scratching away inside of my mouth. Give me a toothbrush, a pack of floss, and a bottle of mouthwash, and I'm a happy man.

Okay, I'm done.

the arrival

i have broken free of the bonds of dial-up connection and have jumped headfirst into, once again, the world of dsl. i am a happy, happy boy.

oh, and this bright pilgrimage has a myspace now! click and add us as a friend, por favor.

that's all!





(one month. yess.)

five years from where i am right now

i've never felt so much fear and anticipation coming at me at one time as i have felt lately. the mere fact that i really don't know where i'll be in five years is, in itself, pretty scary. but, when i think of where i could be, i feel less afraid about the future and a little bit more excited.

so you, my small yet faithful audience, are surely wondering: where could you be in five years? or much less, two years?

i could be alot of places. i have alot of interests, and in turn, i feel like i have 15 different callings on my life. i used to always tell myself that i'd like to get into an avenue of writing - journalism and the like - or producing/performing music.

sometime during the past year, another possibility was hatched in my mind: ministry. after growing up on the mission field, i always shunned the prospect of returning to a form of overseas missions, if only for the pathetic reason that i had grown up overseas and wanted to spend my adult life in the united states. yes. a pathetic reason.

however, what it all really comes down to is finding the area that God is drawing me to, and pursuing that area in the best way that I can to bring Him as much glory as I can. the hardest part for me is waiting.

i'm definitely not just wallowing in a fog of confusion, though. there are alot of areas of my life that i'm quite sure about. God has been drawing blueprints for my future, and has been gradually revealing more and more of His plan to me. and the more that He shows to me, the more I realize how perfectly He makes things work.

and maybe one day i'll reveal some of these things to the general public, but for now, i'll keep them to myself.

[listening to: different names for the same thing - death cab for cutie]

[mood: so incredibly sleeeeeepyy]

the freeway in the sky

a very tragic thing happened during this past week. as i was driving home from honea path, my dear automobile broke down. ordinarily, this would be a somewhat typical occurence. however, the smoke billowing from the hood of my car began to worry me (along with the fact that my engine coolant was boiling). i openly admit to the world that i am no mechanic. i hope i don't disappoint my future wife when she discovers that i can't heal cars like some guys my age can - maybe i should begin educating myself.

with the aid of my dear sister and brother-in-law, we cooled the car down some and we were able to crank it (it wasn't as easy as it may sound. it took a while to do). i hurriedly drove to timothy stumbo's house and parked it there. it was later towed to an auto place (Crider, across from Bruster's) where the assessed the damage. i soon found out that the car couldn't be repaired, and that it would never be driven again. don't get me wrong - a car is a car, and it would be a little bit creepy if i were to get really really sad about this. but seeing as this was my first car ever, i definitely have some sentimental attachment to it. i cleaned out all of my belongings from it and surrendered it to be towed to the junkyard.

and that's that.

i was thinking today, and realized that it will only be a little over 2 months before i graduate. craaaazy. aaand, each month before i graduate, i have something to look forward to. in the month of march, i'll be meeting up with one of my best friends in the world, Nathan Quinley, who I have known since elementary school in the Philippines. I'll be traveling with him to north carolina to play for a worship conference. i'm quite excited. and during the month of april, i'll be lucky enough to go see death cab for cutie play in atlanta, georgia. that will be another "lifetime goal" to be checked off my list.


and life has been pretty wonderful lately.

i was at peace with the world

i had grand plans for this morning. i was to wake up early (which I did), get ready for school quickly (which i also did), and do some homework from the day before. whenever i awoke at 6:30, i glanced over my homework and realized that i had finished what was assigned, and i had woken up reaaaallly early for no reason. however, i was wide awake, so i continued with my "getting ready" ritual. at about 7:20 (when i usually get my shower), i left my house, plugging along in my faithful buick lesabre, not knowing exactly where i was going. it was faaar to early to go to school - as i passed the parking lot, i noticed that it was completely empty, so i continued driving. i had so much time on my hands.

as i kept driving (in no particular direction), i noticed the sky. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it was one of the prettiest sunrises i've ever seen, because i've seen some sunrises that would knock you off of your feet (really). i don't even know if it would make my Top 8 Sunrises. but there was something about it that just made me feel so reassured of God's direction in my life. and so i kept driving in the direction of the sunset. i let it fill up my windshield. at one point, i parked and just sat looking at it. i've never felt more encouraged about the direction i'm heading, just because i know that God is leading me there.

somehow, this managed to be one of the best morning's of my year. in fact, this has probably been the best month of my year. probably.

i started reading through first corinthians the other night. i've always had an awfully hard time being faithful to reading the Bible nightly. i either simply forget, or get in bed too late to even bother. for some reason, it has been different for the past couple of days. despite how late i've been getting in bed, or how much my mind isn't geared towards reading the Bible whatsoever, God always reminds me. He even pushes me. last night, I plopped into bed, turned off the lights, and closed my eyes. as I was drifting into a dream, one thought popped into my head. "Bible". i won't pretend that I smiled, flipped on the lights, hopped out of bed, and began reading cheerfully. I was so comfortably nestled within my blankets and pillows, I had no desire to move - but I did. I turned on my lamp and lay in bed and read 1 Corinthians 4. and it didn't take away from my rest. I slept deeply and woke up immediately when my alarm clock went off (earlier than I ever set it. ever)

anyhow. most of this post is irrelevant. but i needed to write something.
now i'm off to do homework and to get ready to go to Columbia for band practice. yes.



[listen to: "shattered" - remy zero]

show!

next weekend, on friday the 24th, the fish factory here in greenwood is hosting the first annual JNP Show. there will be several bands playing, including Sunny Blunder, This Bright Pilgrimage, and the Springdales.

it's going to begin at around 7:32, so don't be late. i hope to see everyone there :)

what to do

i went and ate lunch at amanda's house this afternoon, and watched the second "Lost" disc. or at least most of it. she and lauren had to leave before the last episode finished, so we decided to finish it later. both of them, along with tim, J.R. and nina, left at about 4:30 today to go to Atlanta to hear Cary Brothers and the Fray play. i'm too young to do things like that. so i'm here at home, feeling rather down-in-the-dumps, so to speak.

i was thinking about going to the boy's game in Clinton tonight, but Justin and Anna are also coming in tonight from their honeymoon, so I'd kind of like to be around to see them. so, i suppose i'll just be around here.

i've been writing alot of music lately. which is good. i'm planning finishing several of them and recording them in the next few weeks. i hope. i always seem to get behind in that area, and i just keep putting it off. but then again, it's not like i don't have anything else to do with my time, because i definitely do.

God has been strengthening me alot lately through trials and the like. it seems that the more struggle that one is faced with, there is more opportunity for growth. my mindset about alot of things is pretty naive, i suppose, which explains how i've struggled with certain things lately.

weeeelllll. i'm going to end this before i make this post too exciting. haha. i hope everyone has a fantastic day.

we're sleeping in a cloud

lately, i feel like i've been being "tested" in lots of different ways. in some cases, it's the kind of thing where you tell yourself, "surely, it wouldn't get any worse than this". then somehow, it does. however, in the midst of the chaos that has become my life, i have been able to find peace in God's will and the fact that He's leading me where He wants me to go. it just gets so hard sometimes.

and then there are other parts of my life where I feel that I've been given way more than I deserve. and I know that I have. I just hope I don't waste what I've been given.

there goes my hero

here i sit. it's 11:53 PM on a friday night. i'm exhausted, but i know that if i were to go to my bed and try to sleep, i'd toss and turn. in the past week, my family's life has been flipped upside down. and God's faithfulness has been more evident than ever before. there are times when i really just want to sit down and cry - and to be honest, there have been times that i have. other times, i just want to stand on a box in the middle of the street, and yell to the world, "Stop!". Doesn't anyone realize what has happened? It seems like everyone should pause with what they are doing, and just be quiet for awhile. No - life goes on. And sometimes, the only way to move on, is to do it while holding the hand of God.

In the past couple of months, my grandfather's health has quickly gone downhill. He hadn't been to a hospital (besides normal checkups) since 1942. In other words, he was the picture of good health. He exercised daily, read books, kept a garden, painted, and cooked - just to name a few. My grandpa also served in World War II, and was stationed in places like Japan, the Philippines, and New Guinea. He was the best son, father, brother, and grandfather anyone could ask for. He was my hero.

A few months ago, my grandpa went in to the hospital to have a heart catherization done. Technically, I'm not sure what all that involves, but I felt confident that it wouldn't be a big deal, and he'd be out of the hospital in a few days. A couple of nights after he left the hospital, he developed a sudden blood clot in his leg, and had to be rushed to the emergency room. While there, the doctors discovered some abnormalities with his heart, which we had known about, but weren't aware of how the problem had progressed. My grandma and grandpa moved into our home, and lived with us - we felt that it would be safer this way, so that we could all be close together.

The time that I have been able to spend with my grandpa over the last several weeks have been priceless. A relative so rightly stated, "When Paul wrote Galatians 5 (The Fruits of the Spirit), he had Wallace in mind". Grandpa cared so much for others, and so little for himself. I'm so proud to be named after him. Maybe someday, I'll live up to even just a little bit of the legacy that my grandpa has left behind.

One week ago today, my grandpa had a cardiac arrest. He stopped breathing for a short period of time, but my mom was able to revive him until the paramedics arrived. He was placed in CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) and kept on a ventilator, to assist his breathing. We made the decision to take him off of the ventilator, according to his wishes - and he began to breathe on his own, but with much effort.

He was moved to the Hospice Care Center early this week, which is where he stayed until yesterday evening. At about 5:50 PM, my grandpa, Cleve Wallace Holmes, went to be with the Lord. This has been the hardest loss I have ever experienced - nothing compares to the hurt I feel inside after losing him. I count myself blessed, though, to have been able to maintain a close relationship with him, and to be able to have spent such precious time with him before he died.

Only 10 minutes before he died, I was able to play guitar for my grandpa one last time. I don't know if he could hear me or not - and I don't know if I ever will. But I'd like to think that he did hear, and that the music that I played was able to usher him into the Lord's arms. It meant alot to me - God's timing is absolutely perfect.

I appreciate everyone who has been there for my family and myself over the past few days. Your friendships are invaluable to us. I'm resting in the peace that God has given me in the fact that my grandpa is now healed, and is fellowshiping with his Creator in paradise - and will do so for eternity.

fragile masks of faith

If you were to approach an average brother or sister in Christ and ask of them "Do you have faith in God?", how do you believe they would respond? Aside from the initial confusion that they may show due to your boldness, I believe they would say something like this: "Well, sure I do. I mean, I'm a Christian. I try to trust God in everything that I do."

Many Christians glide through life clinging to a faith in God that is paperthin. "Everything I do", the activity noted by the fictional Christian above, consists of, well, the usual. You know, going to school, going to church, enduring the occasional spat with peers. Maybe a little bit of suffering, every now and then. We trust God in areas like our schoolwork, our grades, and whatever other concerns that may arise in our everyday lives, which by no means is the wrong thing to do. However, how much trust is really involved in those avenues of life? My question is: when do we really trust? I believe that our faith, as Christians, can only be adequately confirmed when we are faced with suffering that requires a dependence on something besides our own strength. It is then when our true loyalties are revealed, and whether or not we are willing to place our best interests in the hands of our Heavenly Father.

I don't aim to condemn Christians who are wearing their faith like fragile masks. Because if that were my goal, then I'd really be condemning myself. I only mean to challenge those who are in need inspiration, and to encourage those who are in the grip of discouragement. For if our faith lies in anything besides the power of God, then we are ill-equipped to withstand the flames that we will be faced with.

In the book of Romans 5:3-4, it says this: "We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation". What is God's purpose in suffering? It is to make us stronger - to fortify the stronghold that He is building in our hearts. It serves as preparation for what ever else we may face in life. However, we can walk in confidence knowing that Christ has prepared us a way in life - one that may not be easy - but has been divinely planned.

Don't cash in your hope in Christ for the stale, temporary hope found in this world. I'd advise everyone to read the first part of Romans 5 (not just the verse that i cited). Don't let your faith become weak because it isn't in use. If you aren't facing hardship, pray for those who are. However, be prepared to lean on God whenever trials emerge - for He is the only foundation that will be left standing when the dust settles.

breaking like a window

i decided to post something before even knowing what i'd post. and i began this paragraph not knowing exactly what it would contain. i seem to have a knack for restating things. i come up with creative little similes and metaphors to describe life, and in each post, i come up with a new one, just so i don't feel like i'm saying the same thing over and over (which i really do), and so that my faithful readers don't get bored (most of you probably already are).

i like similes and metaphors, i guess. so that's why i use them so much.

i've eaten two meals in the past two days. i feel so sick. and so not-hungry. i don't know what's going on. on second thought, i actually have a pretty good idea, but i dare not try to type about it for fear of feeling worse. bleh.

i've been somewhat infatuated with a certain album lately. this album is entitled "how the lonely keep", by terminal. i'm usually not too crazy about harder music, but terminal happens to be an exception. the music is well thought out, along with the lyrics. and it's just rockin'. give "foster", "dark", or "wisher" a listen. or the whole album.

the last 4 "paragraphs" have begun with 'i'. i am humiliated to be so self-centered. despite my intentions to live with others in mind, it's obvious that i'm failing, because my mind seems to flip around and focus on myself more often than not. i wish changing was easier.

if i were the sort of person who is able to make new year's resolutions and keep them, i'd resolve to do the following:

• be genuine
• put the interests of others above my own
• pray earnestly
• work diligently

the list actually goes on a lot longer than that. but those are some that i've been thinking about alot recently.

i might write more later.

the final semester

in two days, i will begin my final semester of high school. the reality of that statement still hasn't completely hit me, i don't think. but it's a crazy thought. and i feel much more inclined to work my tail off this semester moreso than any other, just because this is the last one.

and boy, it will be quite a semester. i'm taking chemistry and algebra II from GCS. both of those classes are considerably challenging - chemistry more than algebra, i believe. i am also taking english 101 and computer from piedmont tech. and government independently. i have a hard road ahead of me. feel free to send me notes, balloons, and cash donations.

today is a rainy day, which is nice, until you have to do things outdoors. then it sort of spoils everything. but i'm thinking that the rain won't last forever, so that's okay.

i was thinking about going to see 'memoirs of a geisha' tonight. i've heard that it was good, and it looks good. but i don't think i'm going to. maybe another night. but annyyyways.

i was in greenville last week (at the mall) and locked my keys in my car. it was incredibly humiliating, and i really hope that i never do it again - but i know i will. i just need to get one of those spare key holders that you can hide underneath your car. then i'll always be prepared.

hmm. i thought that i had more to write, but apparently i don't.

so maybe more later.

when there's nothing left to burn...

Life has been moving swimmingly as of late. Lots of things have been going on, and for most of these "things", I have just been going through the motions to get by. I recognize that this isn't a good habit to develop, and I hope to reconcile these mistakes somehow soon. But things have been good.

I find my thoughts wandering every now and then. I think alot about the future, whether it be things I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks, or things I'll be doing in the next couple of months, or even year. It's normal, I guess - but I find myself a nervous wreck sometimes. It's like this: there are things that I know that I need to do. And I know that I can do them. And I suppose that I know how I'll do them. I'm just scared to death of doing them. And maybe I'm just scared for the sake of being so. I'm not sure. But I know everything will be worth the fear when all is said and done.

After reading back over the last paragraph, I've come tot he conclusion that I've mastered the art of writing vaguely. And I've also mastered the art of feeling no remorse for my ambiguous writing. So I'm sorry that I'm so good at writing like that, because I know it's annoying.

Next semester is approaching me with the appearance of a derailed train. It is going to be just about everything besides easy. I'll be taking two courses at GCS - Chemistry and Algebra II. And I will also be taking English 101 and Computer from Piedmont Tech - those classes will count for college credit, thankfully. Then I am going to be doing Government on my own at home. My plate is going to be filled academically, not to mention everything else that life tends to throw my way. Yahoo for an exciting last semester of high-school.

It's 12:47. I've been habitually getting to sleep at 2:30 or later for the past few nights, and proceeding to wake at noon or later. For this, I feel no better than a three-toed sloth. I'm actually a little bit humiliated for even admitting to that. But I suppose that I'm only making the most of my Christmas vacation, before the reckoning begins in January (when school recommences). So, as means to prepare my body for the "normal" sleeping schedule that I'll need to adhere to in a couple of weeks, I believe I'll romp my way towards my bedroom, and hopefully succeed in falling asleep before too late.

Santa

I heard something absolutely disgusting/frightening earlier today. Apparently, the average American gains roughly 7 pounds during the Christmas holidays. I have taken it upon myself to not let that happen to me this year. Because I just don't think my body could handle any extra weight. I'm gonna have to take it easy on the gingerbread cookies for a couple of weeks.

On a more encouraging page, Santa Claus is indeed coming to town. Speaking of coming to town, the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" is probably the creepiest holiday song in history. I hate knowing that "he sees me when I'm sleeping" and "he knows when I'm awake". It's like he has been peeking through my bedroom window, keeping my every move under strict surveillance. On second thought, Santa can stay at the North Pole this Christmas.

Maybe I just have the pre-Christmas jitters. Maybe I haven't been good enough this year. Maybe I'm afraid that when I wake on Christmas morn, I will find that my stocking has been filled with coal.

Or mayybee I still have tons of Christmas shopping to do, and I'm on edge because Christmas is less than a week away. There is so much to do - you don't know half of it.

It's 12:07, and my eyes are involuntarily closing, which is a pretty good sign that I need to be heading towards the bed (after brushing my teeth and washing my face, of course). I hope everyone is having an astounding Christmas season.

the weather outside is frightful

It seems a bit mundane for the weather to be so ridiculously cold and we aren't reaping any snow out of the deal. In fact, I feel a little bit cheated. If I'm going to endure the chapped lips, dry skin, frozen car engines, and runny noses, I'd at least like to romp around in some snow to lift my spirits.

And Christmas.... is so ridiculously close. As of last night, I have accomplished 2/8 of my total Christmas shopping. I love buying gifts for people, but I usually have insufficent funds to purchase what I'd like to. I'm also not a really good shopper, and I usually have to have someone with me to give me input on things. But I would far rather be shopping for someone else than for myself. Shopping for myself usually stresses me out.

Tomorrow is my last day of "real" classes. In fact, I really only have one class that I have to go to. I take my exam in Spanish III at 9:45 or so. I highly anticipate ending that class. Although it has been an overwhelming joy to dive headfirst into another language, I'm satisfied with speaking English for right now. And I'm sure that all Spanish-speakers are satisfied with that as well, because my Spanish is absolutely awful.

And I also believe that I'm going to see King Kong tomorrow night. Which I'm really looking forward to alot. I've seen maybe 3 previews to it, and those were enough to pique my interest in it. Aaaand Jack Black is in it.

That's all for now. Thank you for reading this bland entry. I'm confident that it contained much of little interest to anyone else. Haha. Merry Christmas.

[listening to: pete yorn]
[mood: passive]

on a brighter note

things really aren't so bad.


i'm sorry for ending the last post so drearily, really.
because there's no good reason for doing that.

shivering

this winter season is hitting me like a sledgehammer. not only has the cold weather made my skin abominably dry, it has also had negative effects on my mood - as i'm sure has been the case with most people.

i don't care how cliche this sounds. i have a weight on my heart. in the past, i've considered myself stressed out by schoolwork, or a busy schedule. i now find myself more stressed than i have been in my life. i don't mean to be negative, but i know that i am. however, since this is a place that i can freely drain most- if not all- pressures of life onto an empty page, i don't feel compelled to refrain from doing so. and you have my apologies for being so crabby.

i was hesitant to write anything at all, actually. my current state leaves me with no desire to put forth any effort to do much of anything that requires creative output. i know that sounds ridiculously dismal - and i suppose that it is. i'm not really in a terrible mood 24/7. in fact, i wouldn't say that i'm in a terrible mood right now. i'm just worn sort of thin - much like a stretched rubber band.

i'm sincerely striving to be aware of others, though. and to be aware of God's strong hand in my life. i know that it is in times like these that my only logical choice is to lean on Him. and sometimes, doing that is harder than you'd believe.

colorblind

today has been reminiscent of a black and white movie. nothing bad has happened, but i just don't feel very good. i awoke to the sensation of suffocation. i couldn't breathe out of my nose whatsoever, my voice was really weak, and my throat felt like it was closing up. i stayed in bed 20 minutes longer than i should have, but those 20 minutes haven't yet had a negative effect on my day.

before leaving for school, i took two teaspoons of the most repulsive purple medicine on the planet. i think it may have helped for an hour or so, but i can already tell that my ailments from this morning are looming overhead. i expect congestion to hit me hard again any second.

the harsh gray weather outside compliments my physical condition nicely. in fact, if you were able to paint a picture of how i feel right now, i'm sure it would look similar to the pale heavy clouds hanging above my house.

and i have zero appetite, which can't be good. i had two pieces of toast for breakfast, and 1/4 of a granola bar for lunch. i should be famished.

on a different note, there have been some interesting changes in our dress-code at bruster's lately. i arrived last night to discover that they are requiring all employees to wear santa hats on top of the usual red visor. i can only assume that this was designed to help the employees (and customers) to get into the holiday spirit. i only wish that "reindeer antlers" was an option as an alternative to the santa hat. i'd like that more.

this is going to be a long long long three weeks. hopefully, my little sickness will pass quickly and make things slightly easier. that would be wonderful.

that's all for now. i hope everyone is doing fantastic.

happy in dependence

[stolen from my sister's deviant art page. she's amazing.]

is this what you were talking about?

I Don't Want Excuses

During the past 2 weeks, I've developed shin splints in my right leg. I remember suffering with this same injury during soccer season, and now it has returned to curse my attempts to maintain physical fitness. After running at least 2 miles nearly every day last week, I began feeling something in my right shin which I'd rather not ever feel again. I could hardly bend my foot forward or backward without a being attacked by immediate pain in my shin - which made the mere task of walking a bit challenging, at times. I felt like maybe stretching it on a regular basis would ease the soreness that I felt, and I could get back to running. Lo' and behold, I was wrong, and it only intensified the pain.

I decided to consult my father, a physician, as to what I should do. In retrospect, I really should have asked him from the very beginning. I instead depended on my dim intellect to concoct a remedy to my problems, and to my dismay, wounded myself more than I was to begin with. He said that I should take pain relievers 3 times a day (or when needed) and keep from running (or doing anything that may put stress on my shin) until it was healed fully.

This past weekend, I went to Ilinois. The weather there was similar to an arctic tundra, and, needless to say, I did no running - for fear that I would die in the sub-zero temperatures, either by polar bear attack or frostbite. Or both. Anyhow, when I awoke this morning, I noticed that I felt very little pain in my shin. Being the ignorant fool that I am, I interpreted this as a "green light" for me to pick back up running.

I went to the Y today and tested my hypothesis. I was hardly able to run a mile without my shin giving way. And now the pain is back full-swing, and I've learned my lesson.


Pooey. I don't want excuses like this.

I Am Ready For The Flames

I'm going to address a controversial topic during this post. As a forewarning, there are alot of avenues of religion in which I am theologically ignorant. However, I hold fast to my beliefs, and am confident that all that I believe can be backed up with the Word of God. I'd like to open this post up to anyone/everyone else who happens to know more than myself (aka everyone) about it, so that I can be educated in the process. There's alot that I don't understand, and there's a little that I do. Here's a little bit.

I was talking to my sister earlier tonight about the contrasting beliefs of various denominations. I'll go ahead and say it: I don't like denominations. I think that there is an essential skeleton of beliefs and commitments that determine whether or not someone is a Christian. All of the other petty details can be sorted out once we get to Heaven. But I've come to terms with the fact that there is a need for separating bodies of believers according to specific beliefs about Christianity. I still don't like it.

Here is the one of the ideas that I just can't make sense of: God predestines those who will believe in Him, and those who won't. If this statement is true, then we really have no choice in our salvation. God has already chosen His army of believers, and has weeded out the ones that aren't going to accept salvation. I happen to believe that God has blessed us with a little thing called "free-will". Sure, He knows who will accept Him and who won't. That's what He does - He's omniscient. But there is a pretty clear distinction between knowing and choosing. God loves each and every one of His children. He longs for all of us to come to a saving knowledge of Him. Why wouldn't He? The thing is, He loved us enough to give us a choice in the matter, rather than administrate a universe of souls whose destinies He had already planned. He wants us to desire a relationship with Him.


That's what I think. I may have some things wrong. If so, correct me. I'd love to have some discussion on this topic.

leaves are falling

oh, by the way, autumn has to be the most beautiful season of the year.

today is such a lovely day. it makes me want to spend as much time outside as possible.

i love fall.

good times are gonna come

good things have been happening lately. and the only thing i can really attribute the cause to is God's abounding love - even in the little things. i've been learning alot lately. and i like learning.

i went to a ben folds show last night in Atlanta. it was the second time i've seen him. i can't say that two times is enough, but i'm content for now. he's probably one of my favorite performers ever. probably.

i've been praying more than i've ever prayed in my life lately. for some reason, i'm in a funny stage in life when i realize that i hardly know anything at all. and i'm slowly becoming okay with that. i've been having to surrender things to God daily. it seems like every time i turn around, i'm having to say "okay God, this is Yours." it's probably both the hardest and most fulfilling procedures ever. trust can be so hard when can't see anything ahead of you. it's like being blind-folded and led by a friend. they can see, and you can't. therefore, you have to believe that they have your well-being in mind. and i think believing that can be the hardest part.


i'm really excited about the next several months... because i have no idea what is going to happen.

yeeesh

some days i want to just sprout wings and fly away.



even if only for a little while.

The Sizing Crisis

I've recently come upon a problem that I have suffered with for quite awhile. It concerns the clothes that I buy, and the way that they fit me. Now, in all honesty, I have a handful of t-shirts that fit fine and that I love. However, those shirts are a minority compared to the t-shirts that fit strangely.

For example, I ordered two t-shirts awhile back that I anxiously anticipated wearing. I ordered medium, because, I mean, when has "Medium" ever not fit me? They arrived, and as I eagerly ripped open the package and surveyed the contents, I was immediately dismayed. I realized that the universal sizing for "Medium" had been changed to "Extra Extra Large" and no one told me. Because these shirts were clearly not mediums. I would have sent them back for a new size, except that I had sent them back once before - they were first sent to me as "Child's Small".

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a shirt whose arrival I also looked forward to. I skeptically ordered it as "Small", seeing as "Medium" didn't work out so well for me before. It arrived, and upon slipping it on and displaying it to family and friends, I recieved mixed reviews. Some said "Hey, looks great!" while others bashfully told me that it made me look like a toilet roll, and simply fit weird.

So it seems that my body is stuck at some "mystery size" that is floating somewhere in between "Medium" and "Small". The trouble is, no one makes shirts in "Mystery Size".

So, the dilema I'm faced with now is this: Should I return the shirt that I have now for a Medium and risk it being too large? Or should I bravely stick with the Small and hope that it stretches a little bit over time?

The polls are open. Cast your vote.

....

as of 4:30 today, i had not cried for one year and five months.


at 4:40 today, that clock reset.




i've never felt more helpless.
my hands feel tied behind my back.

i didn't want it to mean that much to me

this was the view from my house in the philippines.

yes, it was amazing.

and yes, i miss it.

i should have seen this coming...

i haven't completed reading a book in such a long time.

i'm pretty sure that this fact has been draining the creative juices out of me.

so i'm giving myself a goal; i'm going to read a book.

and i'm pretty sure that the book will be blue like jazz.

i've made the selection hurriedly, but sometimes hurried decisions end up being the best decisions.

...and there's this burning.

just like last year at about this time, i'm realizing that after living in a tropical asian country, i'm still not used to cold weather. we've hardly entered autumn, and i'm feel like i'm going to catch frostbite. but honestly, i enjoy cool weather. i've just been surprised at how not used to it i am. i suppose it's time to break out the coats and jackets and big fluffy blankets.

i've been having these inconsistent bursts of songwriting output lately. for example, i've gone for at least a week just tossing around old ideas and trying desperately to incorporate something fresh into them. after not being able to do so, i became frustrated and sad. i felt as if any skill that i may have previously possessed had somehow abandoned me to find someone more worthy of possessing it. last night, however, i sat on the edge of my bed with my guitar and wrote 3 or 4 neat little parts for songs. just know that when i say "neat little parts", that is only abiding by my standard of neat. but i like them, and i guess that's all that really counts right now.

ha. alright. well.

i don't feel like i've become a better person after writing this post. maybe some of you will feel better after reading it. seeing as hearing about my life is sooo enriching to everyone elses. hahaha.

bye.

sorry.

to anyone reading:
my last post wasn't meant to be griping self-centered plea for sympathy. i was reading back over it, and i saw how it could seem that way. but i wrote it at a time when alot of things were running through my mind, and i felt helpless. i apologize for anything/everything that may have come across the wrong way.

the quiet things that no one ever knows

i came dangerously close to posting one of those really vague posts. you know, the kind that has no real direction. the kind of post that leaves you with an obscure quote and the challenge for you to interpret it correctly. and everyone thinks in his or her own mind that they know where i'm coming from. i wonder if they do.

so, i decided against it. because i'd hate to give anyone the responsibility of reading my mind, especially when i have so much on it.

the one that i wanted to find

good afternoon, all of you.

my school-week is officially over, and i couldn't be any more pleased. i'm leaving for myrtle beach this evening with tim keeler, cory wilson, scott holiday, and david wright, for a weekend full of bikers, bass-playing, and beachtime. we're going to be playing outside of murrell's inlet mall tomorrow and on saturday, for a good bit of the day. then we're also playing for a chapel service on sunday morning, then we'll return later on sunday. we'll have to be on our guards, however, for this week is Biker Week '05. i'll have to be careful not to be snatched up by a mysterious biker. i'm thinking that it'll be pretty fun, though. plus, i love the beach. so hopefully, it won't be too cold, and i may be able to take a dip (or two).

but i'm also really quite tired. and i need a nap. soon.

there's a certain someone with an eighteenth birthday happening on sunday. and that someone's name is amanda. 18 is a pretty good number. and plus, you can vote. hurrah. happy birthday, amanda may.

so anyways, i need to go to the bank pretty soon (like today) to deposit a couple of paychecks. i'll be rollllliiin' in cash once i get that taken care of. hot dang.

i hope everyone has a suuuuper safe weekend. don't do anything dumb.

caleb the dreamer

i was recently informed of two dreams that my six year old brother, caleb, has had in the past week. both could easily be made into some sort of cartoon or video game. enjoy.

dream number one: caleb began describing this dream by saying that he was "really small". he proceeded to explain that he was in the yard riding atop his trusty centipede. he was then struck by lightning. [/end]

dream number two: caleb found himself wandering through the shadowy halls of a castle, and stumbled into a secret room. in the room, he found a guinea pig wearing a crown and a cape. the guinea pig gave him a peppermint. [/end]

itsy bitsy

this morning began just as most mornings do. i pressed the "snooze" button on my alarm clock about five times, in ten minute intervals. once i had wasted nearly an hour, swinging back and forth between the states of being asleep and being sort of asleep, i decided that the time had come for me to brave the day.

as i was pulling out of my driveway, and onto the main road, i saw a small movement in the corner of my eye. ignorantly and much to my regret, i paid this "warning sign" no attention.

five minutes later, i found myself face to face with death, epitomized as a menacing little spider. he was sitting on my lap, seeming to grin at me as he crawled hurriedly up my shirt. all the while, i'm swerving into the other lane and back, trying to maintain my calm. i was doing a very bad job. once the little devil had reached the collar of my shirt, i felt that it was dire for me to take action. i was quite sure that if i didn't, he'd crawl into my clothing, create himself a home and raise a little family of baby spiders. my hand slowly made it's way towards the little monster. i grimaced with every inch. i finally was able to snatch him up, and toss him out the window.

... i don't think i've seen the last of little mister spider. if not him, then i am confident that one of his little cousins will emerge from beneath the seat of my car as i'm driving to school, and the cycle will repeat.


moral: steven is scared of spiders [hey! that's an alliteration! sort of.]

the dying breaths of a blog

this blog is inches from destruction, for undisclosed reasons. i feel a need for change. that change may be the tearing down of this page, and the creation of something new. or maybe even the tearing down of this page, and the creation of nothing new. i'll know in a couple of days what i should do.

i wish that i could read minds. however, i suppose that if i were given that ability, all of the suspense would be drained from my life, and i'd eventually become bored. i sometimes just get wary of not knowing what's going on.

i've lost nearly 5 pounds in the last week, and i haven't an explanation. well, except for my appetite, which doesn't actively exist anymore. at least it's not the appetite i used to know. the one that always demanded to be appeased. i find myself eating 2-3 meager meals a day, reaching "fullness" after hardly anything.

the varsity boys reigned victorious in their game yesterday - 8 goals to none. they made my heart glad.


i suppose that's all for now. i'm pretty tired, and i have some school work to tend to.


byeeeee.

so long, sweet summer

[the end]

your words hit like a train

it's like you know what i'm thinking
and whatever you want to say
always comes out the perfect way


sunny blunder had a show last night at NBT,
my amp died in the middle of a song.
cool, huh.


school is starting in two days. that's too soon. there's still so many things i want to do. mmm. whateverrr. i'm still working on my schedule. it's starting to look like i'll be taking a minimal amount of classes at GCS, and a handful from Piedmont Tech/home.




"you are the star that's in my sky
and i am yours and you are miiiiine"
[listening to: the rocket summer]
[mood: heh]

you have my attention, like you've had all the while

i'm sitting alone in my house. i could probably list about eight better uses for my time than blogging, but i need to write. it helps to clear my mind- and at the moment, my mind resembles a tropical storm. alot has been happening in my life lately.

last night, one of my younger twin brothers, Caleb, got sick with a fever. this morning, he was still doing terribly, after throwing up several times, having an abnormally high temperature, and complaining of a headache, and just not being himself at all. after i showered, i drove my mom and caleb to the Abbeville Hospital, in hopes that they'd be able discover the cause of his illness (my other brother, Josh, and my Dad went to our new house to paint while we went to the hospital). I waited in the van, not knowing that the afternoon would last as long as it did. Juan Bonetti (who was treating Caleb) came out to the van and told me that they were going to need to take Caleb to the emergency room to give him an IV because he was really dehydrated and not doing so well. so i drove around the hospital to the emergency room side, and waited for even longer. finally, my mom came out and told me that i could come inside. as i entered the room, i saw my small, fragile brother laying in the hospital bed, wrapped in his favorite blanket, and hooked to an IV. he seemed really tired, but he was able to talk. they finally discovered that he has strep throat, so they prescribed him antibiotics and did various other procedures.

in the meantime, i had to leave the hospital to run errands in greenwood (the majority of which ended up being less than successful). and here i am at home, counting down the hours before i must leave for work at 8 o'clock. i'm the epitome of unenthusiastic.

i decided two days ago that i'm not going to be playing soccer this year. there are alot of things that led me to this decision - believe me, it wasn't an easy one. you can ask me about sometime if you want. i don't feel like writing it all out on here right now.




sunny blunder update

that's all for now.

i don't have much of an appetite.


fall in love

it's been a month since the fourth of july

okay, so maybe not exactly a month, but we're close enough, and it was appropriate for me to use that as my 'title' since it's a line from the song i am listening to >> "recovery room", the jealous sound. so if any of you have never heard it, i would advise you either to find me and sit with me in my car for a few minutes to enjoy it, or download it or something. it's worth your while.

so last night i saw ben folds live. i think it was one of the many items on a constantly growing list of things i'd like to do before i die. one down, 100,000 to go. ben folds has more showmanship than anyone i have ever seen. for that, i love him. if you want details about yesterday, i can give them to you in person, because they'd probably be much more interesting that way.

life has been throwing me curve balls lately. don't misunderstand me though - they are somewhat pleasant curve balls, or could potentially be. they are just situations that i never foresaw and don't always know how to handle. that's why it's so much easier to let God do the "handling" and let me do the "trusting"... which i'm also quite awful at. but it must be done.

i have about a week left to finish us history and consumer math. it's more than possible for me to do so, i just need to put forth about 100% more effort than i've been putting forth as of late.

and i'd like to take a trip to a zoo pretty soon, after having a recent conversation with a friend about interesting zoos can be. as a matter of fact, even the word "zoo" is quite interesting.

i leave you with that.

Episode II of the Tragic Buick LeSabre Saga

The day began just as any other would. I awoke staring sleepily at the plain white ceiling. Showered, ate breakfast, and headed to work. To set the mood a little bit, I must inform you all that yesterday I was left with no choice but to abandon my usual transportation, "The Buick", at my workplace. Why? It was in one of those moods. I was forced to depend on the golden Volvo to accommodate my driving needs, and it performed decently - however, nothing beats the crisp sound system of the now broken Buick.

After a completely uneventful day at work, I headed out into the sweltering heat to see if the Buick would come through for me. To my utter delight, it roared to life with such zeal that I felt like a small boy again. I figured that it would be best for me to go ahead and take this opportunity and run with it, before the car decided to fail me again. I hopped in, plugged in the iPod, and headed on my way. The thought of the car just "dying" in the middle of my voyage home never really crossed my mind. It had happened once, but like lightning, I never dreamed that such misfortune would strike the same defenseless driver twice. To my horror, shortly after I passed Greenwood High, the engine died. To my luck, however, I wasn't nearing an uphill stretch of road. After I finished celebrating my luck in not being at a hill, I realized that I'd need to find a place to pull over, or else I'd slow to a stop, and disgruntled drivers behind me would pull out their firearms. Finally, after scouring both sides of the road (and slowing to about 20 miles an hour in a 35 zone), I turned into a neighborhood called "Bell-Meade". If the spelling is incorrect, I apologize. I conveniently came to a stop completely blocking someones driveway.

Once I realized that I wasn't going to get home by sitting in the car and crying, I got out and assessed the damage. I came to the following conclusions:
(1. The car wasn't going to start
(2. I wasn't going to sprout wings, enabling me to soar home for help.
(3. No one would know I was stranded unless I gathered the courage to knock on one of the nearby doors asking for a phone (I foolishly left my cell-phone at home, not foreseeing this tragedy).

So that's what I did. I knocked on the nearest door (which happened to belong to a spooky and seemingly single red-headed man). He was nice enough, but was watching some awfully creepy murder movie in his living room. I stayed for the briefest amount of time possible. I simply couldn't stand his mysterious moustache and the rubbish-equivalent movie that was playing mute on his television.

After long, tireless minutes of waiting and wondering, the calvary (aka my dear mother) came to my rescue. We pushed the wounded vehicle forward, as to unobstruct (Not sure if that's a word) the driveway that it was in front of.

My mom drove me back to Bruster's so that I could at least drive the Volvo back home. I stopped at Chick-Fil-A for food on my way home.

This evening I plan to gather my emotions and maybe try my luck one more time in starting the car. If it happens to honor my efforts, I'll swiftly zoom over to Crider, where I'll park it and leave it to think about what it's done. Hopefully I'll have someone look at it in the next few days.

If this has never happened to you, count yourself blessed, and pray that it never does.


My car is a heartbreaker.

i will consider you gone.

if your car ever gets in one of those fiendish moods and decides to disappoint you by not starting when you need it most, just know this: i've been there.

i had bright plans for today. i spent the morning/afternoon mowing the lawn in the scorching summer sun, walking the impossibly thin line between fatigue and a heat-stroke [during this time, my family left for atlanta until tomorrow afternoon, loaning me the title "King of the House" for a short time].

after manicuring the lawn in a fashion martha stewart would have admired, i met andy at the civic center to play a little tennis, as we often like to do. actually, martha may not have admired my grass cutting. i don't really know if she ever does lawncare, but i needed an excuse to use her name in a post.

after the tennis playing, my plan was to hustle back to my house, shower, go pick up my paycheck from work, then go deposit money at the bank. then hoooopefully go to some musical event at anderson college with amanda and bethany.

these plans were going fine until the part where i wanted to crank my car. you have to understand, my car won't start unless it really wants to. 75% of the time, it doesn't want to. needless to say, my night has been crushed like a wingless moth in an avalanche.

so here i sit, home alone. ben folds is blaring through my computer speakers, offering competent compensation for my current disappointment.

in other news, life isn't getting any easier. i've been doing pretty well, but there are always issues that leave me dumbfounded and without direction.

i hope everyone is doing well.

chasing the fading daylight of the world around us

i'm so afraid of the future. i'm afraid that who i'm becoming isn't who i want to be. it's so far from who i was one year ago, and that thought is overwhelming.

and i realized tonight that the world has so much more to offer than what i have now. i mean, sure, my resources are limited and i can't shoot for the stars when i have nothing to take me there. but i can only take one step at a time, and i feel like i'm stepping backwards.

it seems like everyone these days are chasing what isn't real - some glimmering mirage in the distance, just waiting to disappoint you. it will only last for the amount of time it takes for you to see it up close. how much is that worth? nothing.

my naivety is so dumbfounding. i only THOUGHT i knew what was going on. i thought i knew how people worked. i really have no idea. i think i could use seclusion from everything for a little while, just to let myself breathe. maybe i could take off the mask that i wear half of the time and let my real eyes see the light of day. i'm sure it will be blinding.

i don't feel like i know much of anything anymore. and this isn't a plea for anyone to reassure me that i do. i'm so tired of that. this blog isn't a place for me to whine and then be complimented by everyone who reads it. it's chief purpose is to give me some peace of mind and let out some of my thoughts before they can drown me. if you want to comment, it's fine. i do appreciate it. but that's not why i write.

i've given so many wrong impressions in the last 24 hours, it makes me want to throw up..

goodnight everyone.

here's the thing...

[taken at new brookland tavern]

i'm not "quitting" my blog, but i'm about to change some things around a bit. when i say "about to", that could mean in the next two days, or the next two weeks.

but i wanted to give everyone a heads up.

by now i thought you would have given up, but i think i like that you haven't

i've been having weird dreams lately. they actually just "started back", because i had them alot more a couple weeks ago, then last night i started having them again. they are undescribable. i've tried explaining it to different people, but i'm never really able to do them justice, because they are vast. and varied. and just awful and confusing.

in a nutshell, it's like i have these dreams that could or could not happen in the future and/or could have maybe happened in the past. then during the day, sometimes they happen. sometimes all of the memories of the dreams flood back into my mind...and it's overwhelming. it's not just events that are in my dream. voices. songs. images. everything. it's completely off-the-wall.

last night, i had several dreams, but the most notable one was one that seemed to be pre-apocalyptic or mid-apocalyptic. there were so many elements of the dream, i couldn't begin to list them. i don't even remember them all myself. but it was part thrilling and part terrifying.

that's it.

if everyone thinks that i have a psychological problem after saying all that, then, so be it. it's just been bothering me alot, and i don't know what's causing it all.


but it destroys my train of thought.


i wrote all of that in a rush, and i'm sort of fearful that any good reputation that i may have had for writing has now been thrown out to the dogs.

everything looks perfect from far away.

i'm having some trouble with life. it's nothing terribly important, yet it has become nearly impossible for me to get past. this another one of those "describing-the-situation-but-not-telling-you-what-it-is" sort of things. i'm sorry to do that so often.

i'm pretty tired. i'm weary from always having so much to do. i have a workload the size of Everest, and the more that i try to climb it, the further i seem to slip behind. my plans for diligently completing 3 classes this summer are slowly but steadily going up in smoke. work is, well, work. i get paid tomorrow, for which i am very glad. but that's not going to change anything. half of it will go into savings, and i really don't know what will become of the rest. i start teaching drum lessons tomorrow. i'm getting paid, but not a ridiculous sum. and then there's the things that i enjoy doing in my spare time: playing music, writing, taking photos, and such. i'm only able to involve myself in those things when i can find a little slot of time in my increasingly busy schedule.

maybe i'm overplaying things. i do that alot.



we should suspend ourselves between the stars.
we'd float above the passing cars.
and watch the sunrise from atop a cloud
and at the end of the day, we'd come back down

when expectations crumble like the berlin wall....

i'll be completely honest. my expectations for last night were pretty high. i won't say that i was overconfident, but i definitely felt like sunny blunder was practiced enough to put on a solid show. due to circumstances beyond and within our control, it didn't turn out to be solid as one might have hoped. but hopefully it wasn't a complete blow out, either.

thanks to all of you who came out! it was great seeing everyone, and i'm pretty sure we had one of the biggest crowds of any band there... which definitely helps sunny blunder's chances of being asked to play there again.

we got alot of positive feedback on our music, and plenty of sympathetic words concerning the death of troy's bass battery (which allowed me and andy to stall for 10 minutes playing the intro of our last song). all in all, however, the night left us with encouragement to seek more shows and the knowledge of how to improve ourselves once we get there.


thanks to all. last night was a fun night. i'll definitely let you know when we have another coming up! and hey - keep checking the site, because it's where plenty more info can be found, and plus, there's a message board. haha.


- steven

between blades of grass

i'm sitting in my backyard at the moment. oh, one of the many the joys of modern technology - wireless internet. i felt like a change. i'm tired of writing posts under the dull monotonous yellow glow of the light in my room. where is the inspiration in that? it's many times more gratifying to sit under the cloudless evening sky, to breathe fresh air, and to recieve inspiration from all sides. the sky, might i add, is the epitome of 'relax' tonight. it is the sort of blue that you wish your eyes could be (that is, if you indeed wanted blue eyes). but anyways, i'm sorry. i'm done ranting about my surroundings.

okay, not quite - the only downside i've noticed so far with posting outdoors is the fact that i'm currently suffering from temporary deafness in both ears due to the locamotive that has just clanked its way by my house, tooting all the while. if there were some better word than 'toot' to describe the sound it makes, i'd use it. but that will have to do. just know that when i say 'toot', it implies a sound that bursts the the strongest of eardrums on a regular basis.

last night my dreams were something to be noted. i dreamt about someone that i haven't talked to in quite sometime. the reason for dreaming of that person is lost on me, but, when i returned home and checked my email, there was a letter from them waiting for me. and since this morning, i've recieved two additional emails from them. i don't really...know. i can't really go into much detail about it, because, well, i just can't. but i wanted to share that oddity with all of you.

i had practice with sunny blunder today. parts of it were encouraging. other parts weren't. i'm mainly discouraged with myself. i either don't have good guitar parts for songs, or my effects don't cooperate, or my fingers don't play the right notes (which, i must say, is the most common scenario). i don't know. maybe sunny blunder deserves a better guitarist - someone who is more creative and solid and together. and i forgot about my keyboard part about 8 times today. i couldn't have felt any more unintelligent.

nonetheless, i'm still quite excited about this coming sunday. i'm not a seasoned performer, and i do get nervous, but i do enjoy performing. it thrills me.

i played tennis today, and enjoyed it immensely.


wow. i'm just looking up into the sky, and all of the blue swallows my vision. it's quite amazing. i only wish that i could venture to some place where there were no lights or trees or buildings to distract my eyes from the magnificent sky. skies are good things to look at. i need to do it much more often.



and i need to post out here more often, too.

another sunny blunder show!

Just thought I'd spread the word on another Sunny Blunder show that is coming up in the next week. We'll be playing a full-band set of 5-6 songs at the New Brookland Tavern in Columbia, South Carolina, on Sunday, June 19. NBT is hosting a "New Music Night", at which Sunny Blunder was invited to play. We'll probably be playing at about 9:00 PM.

Need more information? Talk to me, or visit www.sunnyblunder.com/ or www.newbrooklandtavern.com/

Admission is $3.00. We hope to see everyone out there! Remember, the more of a crowd that we draw to the show, the more chance we have of NBT asking us to play again. Bring your friends, family, and extended family.

the driest desert

if you were to fly an old jet over the vast golden plains of the Sahara desert during the hottest months of summer, then abruptly dump me and my computer out into the sand to fend for ourselves, i'd probably cry. but something else would happen; something much more interesting, probably. you'd be given an accurate image of where i am right now, with my computer in tow, of course - in the otherwise lush land of blogging. i'm in a desert.

translation: i've reached nearly a week (or more) of not posting anything of importance, and somehow, i'm okay with that. i apologize to the few of you who regularly check my page and are left disappointed when you see the same old post remaining and gathering dust.

something fresh is coming. i'm waiting for motivation.

directions to black cow

go here and you will find directions: http://sunnyblunder.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=4700#4700

rescheduled

I'm sorry to throw this on everyone at such short notice, but, the show that was previously planned to be at 8:00 PM tomorrow will actually take place at 9:00 PM or shortly thereafter. This rescheduling is due to another event that is happening at the same venue. Somehow the times got mixed up. Anyways, I hope that this doesn't impair anyones availability to come, and I hope to see you all out there!

[more details are in a previous post]

the sun still shines in the summertime...

be good to me

I've been thinking alot about life lately.

...After reading that, many of you may have already built these expectations being greeted by some great philosophical insight if you continue reading. I'm here to crush those insignificant expectations, only because I have absolutely no ground-breaking insights to present you with - I use violence to compensate for that, thus the crushing of your expectations.

Right, so moving on... I had practice with sunny blunder today. It went well. I'm excited about playing on Friday, but I still have quite alot of work to do with working on parts, etc. I do hope many of you will be able to make it - if not for the music, then at least the magnificent drinks and atmosphere at the Black Cow.

Starting tomorrow, my care-free summer schedule will be consumed like an unknowing rabbit is stalked by a starved Hungarian river fox (I enjoy giving my animals nationalities). I begin training for my employment at Bruster's tomorrow. I'll be getting paid for training, which is a tantalizing thought, but I have yet to fully memorize the numerous pages of information that they gave me several weeks ago. I hope that they decide to extend mercy to me.

jazz music relaxes me to the umpteenth degree.

my hair is growing slowly but surely.


[listening to: naima - john coltrane]
[mood: restless]