the final straw

i'll be completely honest and admit that i was doing awful last night. i'm not sure what the source of my bad mood was - but i'm sure fatigue was a contributing factor. i could name some other possibilities, but i couldn't explain them well enough for anyone to understand. however, when i returned home (i have been away for the past two days) and read the comments that were made on my last post, i was encouraged. for awhile, i felt that no one was on the same level as myself - judging by the comments i was producing on previous posts. of course, comments really have hardly anything to do with that, but it's still how i felt. i didn't think that anyone was able to relate - therefore, comments weren't left.

i came to a realization. if i can encourage someone through writing on this, then so be it. i would be glad that such a thing could happen. but i don't think my goal should be to write something that people agree with, or make them feel good inside. instead, i should be trying to encourage people on a personal level, through relationships and real conversations. if you know me, then you know that i'm not a terrific conversationalist. i've found that i can communicate much better through writing, and there isn't much i can do to change that. but i think to create healthy relationships with other people, instead of always pouring your heart out to a computer screen, it can be better to connect with someone in person.

i jumped around alot in that last paragraph, and i guess i was hitting on alot of points. i certainly wasn't bashing on those who post their emotions and such, because i do the same. there's nothing wrong with it. but i was aiming more towards the expectations that people have in doing so. i've always seen this "blog" as an outlet to write about what i'm feeling inside, because so many times, i keep things bottled up inside. it's also an excellent way to keep people up to date on what i've been up to. either way, i believe that somewhere in the back of my mind, i had some sort of expectation of receiving commendation on my experiences, or whatever i'd been writing about. oh the joys of being wrong.


i really don't know where i planned to go with all of that, but i needed to write it. i actually don't even know how much of it really applies to me. and even now as i look back on it, i see alot of points that have nothing to do with others, but i'm not going to change anything. sometimes i think it's best to leave things as they are, so that people can read it in its truest form.

i've never watched an episode of The O.C. Go ahead and make all of your gasps of disbelief. I've heard time and time again that it's a wonderful show, and that I really must watch it. I'm appeasing the masses as we speak, by downloading Episode 1 of Season 1. If I like it, I may proceed to watch others. We shall see.

oh, nathaniel, i'm having a bit of trouble with getting to my "edit blog" page at the moment. i'll get the link changed as soon as i can.


[listening to: "fruit fly" - nada surf]
[mood: open&intent]