insomniac

this is an awful night to not be able to sleep. actually, any of the nights this week would be bad. anyhow, i have alot on my mind, and as i was laying (lying?) in my bed, i decided that i may be able to rest my mind if i wrote out some of the things i was thinking about. hopefully this won't take long, because it's almost 12, and i need to be sleeping.

first of all, i'm having my doubts about governor's school. initially, i was really excited about the possibility - but prayed that God would show me what He wanted me to do. I'm not saying that I know for sure, but lately, i've been thinking about not auditioning. There are alot of reasons that I've been contemplating this - mainly, the amount of pressure that is put on you in that school. not that i can't handle pressure, but it's one thing being away from your friends and family, but then being expected so much of. i guess that's what the school is about, and maybe i'm just thinking unclearly. another huge aspect is the spiritual environment - i've heard that there are very few christians, and that would be pretty trying for me, since i'm already not where i should be, and i'm going to a Christian school. there are other minor details, like not being able to have a car, the curfew - all which are logical - but i'm just not sure if it's the place for me. but i haven't ruled it out, i'm just not as sure that i'm going to apply as i was a few days ago.

if i didn't go, there are a number of different things i could do. and when i say "a number of things", i mean two. first, i could continue on with high school, and most likely return to the Philippines for the second semester of my senior year, and graduate from Faith. or, next year, i could double up with classes, take a creative writing courses from some other school, and graduate a year early. both have their advantages and disadvantages, neither of which i'm going to get into.


with all that said, i'm hoping that i'll find it easier to sleep. i'm sure you can tell that i'm tired due to the poor quality of writing in this post. i can't think.

goodnight.