now is when you need to be who you're meant to be...

i feel sort of disgusting, and i'm not sure why. i might the only one who has this feeling, but every now and then, i am overcome with an overwhelming sense of dumpiness. it's not that i'm really dirty (i mean, i might be), but i just feel gross. it's like i need to take a big, long shower [and i'm already a very shower-y person, so you can imagine how many showers i take when i'm like this..].

i've been in significantly high spirits as of late. i can only give credit to God. it's obvious to me that He's working slowly but surely in my life. It's an amazing feeling. I still mess up - alot, actually. But God is constantly molding me more and more into who He wants to be, and I honestly can't wait to see what He has in store for me, because He's already done so many amazing things in my life that I'm totally unworthy of.

at long last, the tennis season is over. do realize that when i say "at long last" i should really be saying "at short last" because it was really one of the most brief sports seasons that i've ever been a part of. it was somewhat refreshing, though. i enjoyed it muchly, and have a new fondness for tennis, but i must say that it's pleasing to have so much more free time in the afternoons. i went to the Y(mca) with ashby and tyler this afternoon. it was the first time i had been there in a long time. i did quite miserably in lifting, but hopefully things will pick up. i plan to go again tomorrow... for a little while at least, because i have fusion tomorrow evening as well.

i really need a job. i need to break out of my comfort zone and apply for something that i don't necessarily want. because i need anything and should jump at everything that is a possibility.

oh - the buick is "mine" now. (meaning i have the freedom to put stickers and such onto it)


that's all for tonight. goodnight!

don't be there this time.

alot has happened since my last post. key-events are as follows:

• i almost hit a deer in broad daylight
• a gift possum was left on the hood of my car [it was dead]
• i broke my nose and gave myself a minor concussion during my last tennis match of the season
• i slept for 18 hours last night
• i cleaned my room today. when i say cleaned, i mean...cleaned.

other things happened, i am just too lazy to try to think back and remember what has taken place.

even after my sumptuous sleep last night, i find myself with a slight headache. why is this? i'm not sure. it could have to do with the constant yelling and talking of my younger brothers. though i love them dearly, sometimes i can't take the hyperactivity. if you know me then you know that i'm somewhat passive, and i can't always be "going" in the sense that they are (my brothers) going.

light has found its way here...

i wish i could be the perfect person for someone else...

so i decided to give myself a reason

i definitely feel like i'm having a mini-seizure. my eyes are not focusing, and my pupils can't stay in the same place for a mere millisecond. it's dizzying, and will cut tonight's blog short.

tonight i baked my very first Fruity Pebbles Cake at the house of Katie Hinrichs, with several wonderful friends of mine, Ashby Hall, Katie Fyock, Ashley Graham, Caroline Clarke, and Katie Hinrichs. It was a monumental event which none of us will soon forget. Besides the creation of the cake, we played tennis, which was also quite enjoyable.

Um. So i'm really tired. And I can't type in the condition that I'm in currently. So i'll write more tomorrow maybe.

... 

don't be angry

i'm motivated to do school work. can you believe it? i can't. because i wasn't last week. somehow i am now.

it could be attributed to the fact that i had a rewarding band practice today (we haven't had one since far before christmas). it made me quite happy. we hope to have show(s) soon. hurray.

but i can't write much more. i have work to do.

i just get sick of the things we think we think we know

i don't have alot to write about, so i'm not really sure why i'm writing at all. maybe i am guilt-tripping about my last post and my conscience is nagging me to apologize to everyone for such a dumb entry. so this is my apology. sorry.



i seem to have myself a serious priority-crisis. school has somehow found it's way to the bottom of my "List of Priorities" (I keep one nailed to the back of my door .......not really.) But just about everything in the world outweighs school in terms of importance right now. Especially music... and writing....and those sorts of things. It's almost all I think about. almost. But here it is: I've gotten to the point where I'm past loving music (etc) and am not caring much at all about school because I know that...I have music. I'll be honest and say that I don't have a good feeling about this. Because the next thing you know, I will have dropped out of high-school and will be playing music full-time. Which doesn't seem too bad to me right now, but I keep telling myself that this highschool education will be worth it in the end; let's hope that I'm right.



that's all for now, folks.



[listening to: the rocket summer - never knew]
[i feel like: a slacker. but a happy one]

tonight i saw that i was sincere

[listening to: the rocket summer - "never knew"]

i don't know how many times i've given this advice to friends. "you just have to roll with the punches." tonight it hit me like an atomic bomb. how well am I rolling with the punches? i sincerely hope that i'm getting better at relating with my surroundings. in the past, i've been horrible at this.

i'm also really bad at waiting. i have this incredibly strong feeling inside of me as i'm writing this, but, words aren't taking shape; i don't think anyone knows how much that i wish that they would. it's times like these that i hate not being able to express myself.

i've been trying to re-analyze my actions, and why i do the things i do. i respond to social confrontation very poorly. there are rarely times that i can respond rationally to a situation that arises. i don't feel the need to be specific.

i'm out of things to say.

so, tomorrow is a tennis match. us against cambridge. we're going to die. that's all there is to it.

i'm really looking forward to seeing what happens in my life in the next year. there are endless possibilities. but i can't face it all alone.



wow. after a completely off-the-wall blog, i doubt that there is a soul on earth that wants to read my writing ever again. you have my deepest apologies. i needed to get some things out of my system, and i thought that by blogging, i may have been able to.



i really do try to be sincere.

i miss it :( 

classical guitar, beaten and bruised

i was just outside watching my little brothers play at the church parking lot beside my house. they were riding around on their little hot wheel bikes, and i was sitting playing my classical guitar. it just so happens that today, the wind decided to blow at an average speed of 110 miles per hour, and the wind chill was somewhere around -15 degrees. this caused me some undue discomfort, but seemed to have little effect on the joy of my brothers. i decided that maybe if i walked around the parking lot, i maybe able to warm myself up. so i set my guitar onto my sandals, as not to scratch it on the pavement, and set the roll of toilet paper next to it (i had the toilet paper because both of the boys sinuses weren't in top condition). after i had walked about 100 feet from the guitar, i heard this discouraging crash. i looked to see what had happened (half expecting to see one of the little bikes laying valiantly ontop of a crushed guitar, with one of my brothers proudly claiming victory over the sad musical instrument). however, it seemed that the hurricane-like wind somehow lifted my guitar from its resting place and flipped it over onto its face, breaking two strings, and thoroughly disfiguring the string-bridge on the top of the neck. even better, the roll of toilet paper had taken flight. it had become strewn across the parking lot like an enormous white ribbon, and traveling at nearly 30 mph. the twins joined me in my effort of stopping it - and we eventually did. we were left with a mass of crumpled up toilet paper the size of a basketball. it was at this time that i decided to call it quits and head inside.

i now am faced with the task of writing my anatomy&physiology paper, which is required to be 7 pages in length. it's due monday. now would be a good time for my creativity to kick in.


that's all for now.

i miss everyone

i haven't posted on here in a very very very long time. and alot has happened since i last posted. and unfortunately, i won't be able to adequately recap all of the events that took place. so, be content with my lack of information for right now.

spring break is really almost over. it's really kind of sad. i got back from the beach today... finally. i was there for like a week...and one day. but it was still alot of fun. the first couple of days, it was just my family there. then on sunday, my dad, sisters, and brother in law left, and stephen, ashby, and justin came to stay. then andy ended up coming towards the end of the week, then ashby left, then stephen left with my mom and brothers, and the last day (and night) was just justin, andy, and myself. needless to say, fun was had by all. but as it always goes, i am left exhausted and devoid of energy and/or pleasant spirits.

guess what? i have a 7 page paper on the lymphatic system due on monday. i've written a sentence. what does this mean for me? sadness and nearly nothing else. and i miss my hair immensely. if you haven't heard the news, don't worry, you'll hear soon enough.... or if you get lucky, you'll see it. it's awful.

congratulations

i'm quite in love with eisley's new album "room noises". despite my disappointment that they changed the song "telescope eyes" up a bit (the tempo, mainly), i am growing very fond of the album as a whole. there is something about the band that intrigues me. their melodies are so...enchanting. when i listen to their music, i feel like i'm reading a book. i'm engrossed. [Note: by no means do i mean that i don't like "telescope eyes"... i only meant that i liked the song alot more on the Laughing City EP]

i'm in sort of a weird mood. like... i can't explain it. i'm not unhappy whatsoever. i'm just sort of... supremely passive. i feel disconnected in a sense.


costa rica. we leave thursday. almost too soon. not that i'm not excited, because i am. i just don't know if i'm prepared mentally and spritually. and i know that once i get there, memories from the philippines are going to hit me like a tidal wave. i wouldn't be surprised if i was knocked half-way down the mountain.

on a more unpleasant note, i have alot to do tonight. i have a gigantic spanish map test to study for. a gigantic anatomy quiz to study for. a gigantic geometry review sheet to complete. and something else, i just can't put my finger on it.

.... with all of these things to do, somehow i feel that blogging outweighs everything else on the scale of importance. haha. i'm dumb.

what on earth.

well, all of my plans for tonight have completely shipwrecked. it turns out that i am certainly not destined to leave the house, for some reason or another. i guess i'll find that reason out soon enough. i got so far as 5 minutes down the road then have someone tell me that i wasn't welcome at the place i was going. so i turned around.

it's a little bit frustrating. but i'm over it. i'll just chill at home and much needed downtime.

but i really need to go to greenville tomorrow. i need to find some clothes terribly. if anyone will drive me...give me a call: 910-1707. thanks.

anyhow. that's it. i played 34 games of tennis today. i am ranked #3. and i am tired.

beginning again.

tonight marks the beginning of more than one new thing.



none can i say will last through the week.



i hope they all do.








listen to: music

this morning i was orthostatic

i awoke this morning feeling exhausted and a bit sickly, but that is often the case when you have a busy weekend. however, as i got in the shower, things changed. i started getting incredibly dizzy and disoriented. i forgot where i was, what i was doing, and what i was taking a shower for. i felt incapable of doing much of anything because of my confusion, so i somewhat collapsed on the shower floor. now however humorous a mental image that creates for you, it was really not a great feeling this morning. it was one of the most strange things that has ever happened to me. all the while, random words were streaming through my head. they made sense, but they were popping into my head without any sort of cue. it was all spontaneous. i guess i passed out on the floor of the shower for a short time, because i awoke being again disoriented, but i was able to stand up. as i was preparing to turn the water off in the shower, i realized that i didn't know how. i had forgotten how to turn the water off... i was like there wasn't a knob there to control the water - or at least i wasn't seeing it. so i got a little bit panicky, because i knew it really wasn't normal. i didn't know what to do at all. finally, by some miracle, the knob "appeared", although incredibly blurry. i dizzily made my way to it, and fumbled to turn it off. i was really skeptical as to if i would be able to drive to church, much less play drums when i got there. but my condition wore off, and left me with a headache. but i'd rather have a headache than be in the stupor that i was in earlier.

i asked my dad about it when i got home, and he told me that i was probably "orthostatic", which combines two things - being dehydrated, and being heated up rapidly. after quickly getting in the shower after waking up (and not having much fluids lately), all of the blood rushed out of my brain, causing me to experience the things that i did. it wasn't pleasant, but now i know to be much more careful in the future....

the end.

brace yourselves

i now look at myself in the mirror and wince at what i see. i look like a pirahna, and i feel that i may injure someone by smiling. and it's awful feeling something constanly "on" your teeth. i just want to rip them off. i'm also scared that a bracket will pop and cause me some sort of awful injury.

it's safe for all of you to assume now, without me having said it, that i have gotten braces. i can't say that i like it, but i do hope that this discomfort will be worth it in the end. for the time being, i am confined to eating soft foods like yogurt, applesauce, and other materials soothing to braced-mouths like mine. my next goal is to convince kids at school not to call me "dinosaur-face"... because i really do look like something out of the jurassic era.

i didn't do so well on my anatomy test today. and i studied my brains out.

my mouth is uncomfortable. i will now go play guitar.

of montreal

so, tomorrow i'm going to Atlanta with my mom and brothers to pick up my sister, Leah, who is flying in from Norway. i am super excited about her coming back - especially since she'll be here for at least a year. Kristian, my brother-in-law, is flying in sometime early March... I'm not sure of the exact date. But I'm really happy that they are coming back. I can't wait.

I have an anatomy quiz tuesday. Then a test wednesday. This week is going to be an academic nightmare.

i really hate music-writing blocks. even moreso since I'm stuck in one as we speak. I have numerous song ideas and melodies, but I'm never clever enough to write suitable music or lyrics to weld them into complete songs. i do hope that this is a phase, and that i am not going to be uncapable of writing a full song for the rest of my life. i don't know if i could live with that.

lately, i have been into alot of different music than what i usually tend to listen to... not that i don't like them. it's just that i normally listen to... different things. lately, my playlist has looked something like this..
1. the strokes
2. franz ferdinand
3. the killers
4. the stills
5. muse
6. lovedrug
7. keane
8. the white stripes
9. and the like

why such a sudden change in taste? it's not so much a change in taste as it is a need for change. for the last few months, i've been listening to bands such as copeland, mae, the format, the rocket summer, etc etc etc. i still thoroughly enjoy each and every one of those - and would definitely consider them some of my favorite bands. but i feared that i would grow tired of listening to them. which would be an awful thing. so i just made a change.


i'm done with writing for now.

no strength left

i've had a pretty active day. sort of.

last night, jonathan spent the night. we went to the girls game at GCS, where they beat Richard Winn, taking them to state. it was a great game. after that, we went to Lander to watch the boys championship game, with King versus Richard Winn. RW won. We ate at McDonalds. After eating there, I decided that I'm going to take a break from fast food for awhile. I haven't eaten there once and felt good afterwards. I am left feeling greasy and in need of a shower. And it upsets my stomach.

Today, Jonathan and I woke up at 12:40, went to play tennis with Ashby and Caleb at 1:50 or so. We played. And I played awful. I can usually play decently against Ashby, but today I made a fool of myself. Enough said.

After that, I played soccer/ran at the Y by myself. and now i'm home. and am completely drained of life. i'm definitely going to chill for the rest of the day.


there's a letter that i've been meaning to write. i just don't know how to write it yet.

we all have our days.

when i say "those", i mean me.

[note: if you hate hearing people whine, don't continue. because, contrary to what i usually believe about feeling sorry for myself, this post is filled with self pity. forgive me. i'm feeling under the weather in more ways than two]

i feel lost. there are these endless possibilities, choices, problems, questions, and conflicts that i am faced with. i don't know how to deal with half of them. my moods have been fluctuating nearly as much as the weather has been lately. one day i feel top notch, completely encouraged and full of life. the next day, i'm just confused. not necessarily in a bad mood, or raging at people spontaneously. i just feel tired of life (not living...mind you). i'm sick of high-school conflict. i'm tired of social disorder. maybe i'm not really explaining how i feel very accurately. but i'm sort of beyond a point that i can tell.

i'm exhausted. everytime that i take a break from school, i am going on to partake in some other tiring event. i just need to slow down.

and i feel physically sick, but i am pretty confident that most of it has to do with my lack of sleep.

i'm getting a little bit tired of complaining, so i'll end this. i wouldn't be surprised if i erased this post soon. so anyways. have a good night.

the blunder is back

for all of you who feared indefinite dormancy for the band sunny blunder, you can breathe a sigh of relief. we're back. a brand new site has been designed by our multi-talented drummer Andy, and along with the new site we have a couple of new demos for you to enjoy. you can expect another new one to be added in a matter of weeks, as the final mixing touches are being made. anyhow, we're all quite excited about what is going to happen in the next few months. we have tons of new material that is being polished up, and we're hoping to continue to give you new things to listen, and hopefully be able to play a show in the near future. and remember to keep posting on the message boards!


and as for me [steven], i'm leaving tomorrow for St. Louis, to then be picked up by my friend Craig Hobson and be driven to Greenville College in Illinois, where I'll be spending the weekend, as well as Monday and Tuesday. The two sole purposes for the trip are to see Craig and to scope out the college, as it's a possible place for me to go after graduation. I'm very much looking forward to this trip, and spending time with Craig.

i hope all is well with everyone. Unless I get a chance in Illinois, I probably won't be posting much in between now and next Tuesday.

I leave you with this: Never trust a man with the food, change of clothes, and a drink in his hand.
[compliments of the get up kids]